Child Protective Services
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Child Protective Services
While the children had a week skiing with their father this past February, I took the occasion to finish my divorce papers. The last question posed to me: describe in detail each incident (my ex) was abusive to the children.
That was some way to spend a week alone with my cat while the children were away, unsupervised, with xah.
I thought all it'd take was half a day. Five days and fifty hours later, my hands ached from all the typing. I stopped knowing there was more. But I saw it. The abuse, how systematic, unmistakable it is. He does to the children what he did to me. It's a pattern of not looking you in the eye, recognizing your birthday, your humanity, physically endangering the children while acting like your fear is your problem, your pain is your failure. He doesn't say hello, doesn't listen, disregards and moves on without a word. You'll do what he tells you to do or you'll find yourself alone, without support and he'll encourage the others to laugh at you for your weakness.
The abuse is physical in that he will push them to climb mountains on a sprained ankle, trap you in a room for standing in his way, endanger by doing extreme sports while ignoring basic safety precautions, drive drunk or leave the children unsupervised in public places and ignoring their rightful concerns. It is emotional abuse as he ignores the needs of the children to be seen, heard and cared for. He intentionally ignores birthdays, graduations, any rite of passage. And there's more.
I spoke to the children's pediatrician. I told her the lawyers, judges and therapists don't act. The children have a 3.5 week summer stay with their father on the visitation schedule. I don't like what he is doing to them. And I would be wrong to accept it.
So I am going to call Children's Protective Services and ask for a social worker to come talk to us and investigate. I don't think there is anything left for me to do.
I am determined to protect my angels from further harm.
Have any of you taken this course of action? I know from my previous career that some of these workers are pretty incompetent. But these agencies are designed to help. I don't want the children left on overnights unsupervised with xah. Structured day visits, okay. He needs to get help and he is too far gone to do a thing but bring us suffering on end.
I am determined to put an end to the abuse.
Thank you for being there!
That was some way to spend a week alone with my cat while the children were away, unsupervised, with xah.
I thought all it'd take was half a day. Five days and fifty hours later, my hands ached from all the typing. I stopped knowing there was more. But I saw it. The abuse, how systematic, unmistakable it is. He does to the children what he did to me. It's a pattern of not looking you in the eye, recognizing your birthday, your humanity, physically endangering the children while acting like your fear is your problem, your pain is your failure. He doesn't say hello, doesn't listen, disregards and moves on without a word. You'll do what he tells you to do or you'll find yourself alone, without support and he'll encourage the others to laugh at you for your weakness.
The abuse is physical in that he will push them to climb mountains on a sprained ankle, trap you in a room for standing in his way, endanger by doing extreme sports while ignoring basic safety precautions, drive drunk or leave the children unsupervised in public places and ignoring their rightful concerns. It is emotional abuse as he ignores the needs of the children to be seen, heard and cared for. He intentionally ignores birthdays, graduations, any rite of passage. And there's more.
I spoke to the children's pediatrician. I told her the lawyers, judges and therapists don't act. The children have a 3.5 week summer stay with their father on the visitation schedule. I don't like what he is doing to them. And I would be wrong to accept it.
So I am going to call Children's Protective Services and ask for a social worker to come talk to us and investigate. I don't think there is anything left for me to do.
I am determined to protect my angels from further harm.
Have any of you taken this course of action? I know from my previous career that some of these workers are pretty incompetent. But these agencies are designed to help. I don't want the children left on overnights unsupervised with xah. Structured day visits, okay. He needs to get help and he is too far gone to do a thing but bring us suffering on end.
I am determined to put an end to the abuse.
Thank you for being there!
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Pippi,
I admire your ability to think calmly and rationally about this. I am ashamed to say I never called CPS, although I should have. Someone else did, after seeing the kids playing in AXH's back yard and him passed out with a drink in his hand.
My experience with CPS in the US was depressing. I think part of it is that those investigators see the absolute worst. They see children with black eyes and broken limbs, they see children starved and locked up in dog kennels for minor infractions, they see children hosed down outside in subzero temperatures for talking back, etc.
To them, "emotional abuse" simply doesn't register. Which is a giant case of fundamental ignorance, given that emotional abuse can cause as great or greater damage to a child.
I also found -- to my relief -- that US courts don't really pay an awful lot of attention to a "no reason for intervention" decisions from CPS. At least the judges I dealt with liked to make their own mind up, based on the available evidence.
I hope your experience is better than mine.
I admire your ability to think calmly and rationally about this. I am ashamed to say I never called CPS, although I should have. Someone else did, after seeing the kids playing in AXH's back yard and him passed out with a drink in his hand.
My experience with CPS in the US was depressing. I think part of it is that those investigators see the absolute worst. They see children with black eyes and broken limbs, they see children starved and locked up in dog kennels for minor infractions, they see children hosed down outside in subzero temperatures for talking back, etc.
To them, "emotional abuse" simply doesn't register. Which is a giant case of fundamental ignorance, given that emotional abuse can cause as great or greater damage to a child.
I also found -- to my relief -- that US courts don't really pay an awful lot of attention to a "no reason for intervention" decisions from CPS. At least the judges I dealt with liked to make their own mind up, based on the available evidence.
I hope your experience is better than mine.
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Pippi, I am going to agree with lilamy. While I think it is the right thing to do, I also would not expect for any emoational abuse to be taken into account very much if at all. Missing birthdays and graduations and not looking one in the eye is not going to mean anything to them at all. They see children who get burned with cigarettes, physically beaten, and sexually abused. Now, I do think your concern over him driving the children while drunk and doing extreme sports w/out any safety precautions will be considered. You also need to be prepared to PROVE these things. Yours is a long and drawn out divorce battle. He is going to make it sound like sour grapes on your part. Prepare your children ahead of time and let them know CPS is going to interview them and may likely video those interviews. Also prepare them that dear ol dad is going to be very pi$$ed off about all of this as it sounds like he has been that way in the past.
I am not trying to discourage you. I am just familiar with the system (my AH works in Social Work and my sister and her husband are both police and have dealt with CPS on a regular basis in their work). The system is overloaded with children and budgets have been cut. The caseworkers have extreme loads of children to supervise.
Possibly you would be better off in hiring a private detective to PROVE these things then take your case to the CPS with proof in hand.
Good for you to advocate for your children. It is a horrible world we live in. I have not left my AH yet because after alot of research I found that the courts just keep handing over joint custody even when the other parent is going to risk the lives of the children. Our system has failed in terms of dealing with families with addiction.
I wish you the best of luck and tight hugs.
I am not trying to discourage you. I am just familiar with the system (my AH works in Social Work and my sister and her husband are both police and have dealt with CPS on a regular basis in their work). The system is overloaded with children and budgets have been cut. The caseworkers have extreme loads of children to supervise.
Possibly you would be better off in hiring a private detective to PROVE these things then take your case to the CPS with proof in hand.
Good for you to advocate for your children. It is a horrible world we live in. I have not left my AH yet because after alot of research I found that the courts just keep handing over joint custody even when the other parent is going to risk the lives of the children. Our system has failed in terms of dealing with families with addiction.
I wish you the best of luck and tight hugs.
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Thanks for the heads up, you two. That's what makes this place so great. There's always someone(s) who've traveled a similar road and can warn about what might lie ahead.
I have emails, photos, doctor's visits as proof of some of the abuse. They probably will simply ignore the emotional abuse. Most of xah's horribleness is intentionally hard-to-detect cruelty of the kind that leaves no evidence. But not always...
The only people that seem to really get the addiction and accompanying madness is you folks, my dv counsellor, and a few nice ladies I know from Al-Anon. We should declare ourselves experts and wake up the rest of the world. The judges, lawyers, doctors and therapists don't generally know diddly squat.
I have emails, photos, doctor's visits as proof of some of the abuse. They probably will simply ignore the emotional abuse. Most of xah's horribleness is intentionally hard-to-detect cruelty of the kind that leaves no evidence. But not always...
The only people that seem to really get the addiction and accompanying madness is you folks, my dv counsellor, and a few nice ladies I know from Al-Anon. We should declare ourselves experts and wake up the rest of the world. The judges, lawyers, doctors and therapists don't generally know diddly squat.
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My lawyer also told me that any accusation of abuse is complicated by the fact that -- he said -- in about 75% of the custody disputes he handles, that accusation comes up. And in many cases, it's a strategy:
Mom accuses dad of abusing the children. While the investigation is ongoing, and brought up in court, and appealed, and brought up again, dad is not allowed to see the children, and mom is given temporary custody. By the time it's determined (in many of the cases) that no abuse can be substantiated (can take a year or more), full custody for mom has already been established and therapists testify that it would be too disruptive for the children to go back to shared custody.
He said it's a strategy some unscrupulous lawyers even recommend their clients to use. And by doing that, they really f up the lives of the kids who actually do have an abusive parent they have to get away from. Because the courts are so used to dealing with fake accusations that they tend to assume it's not true unless you can prove otherwise.
I really hate to be a downer but it's good to go into it with eyes wide open and know that if you say there has been abuse, you WILL be cross-examined (I was for 90 minutes) and asked for every piece of evidence possible.
Mom accuses dad of abusing the children. While the investigation is ongoing, and brought up in court, and appealed, and brought up again, dad is not allowed to see the children, and mom is given temporary custody. By the time it's determined (in many of the cases) that no abuse can be substantiated (can take a year or more), full custody for mom has already been established and therapists testify that it would be too disruptive for the children to go back to shared custody.
He said it's a strategy some unscrupulous lawyers even recommend their clients to use. And by doing that, they really f up the lives of the kids who actually do have an abusive parent they have to get away from. Because the courts are so used to dealing with fake accusations that they tend to assume it's not true unless you can prove otherwise.
I really hate to be a downer but it's good to go into it with eyes wide open and know that if you say there has been abuse, you WILL be cross-examined (I was for 90 minutes) and asked for every piece of evidence possible.
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I know just what you mean. Why O Why if substance abuse and alcoholism are considered a "disease" is there not more studies and focus put on how children have to cope with it when it drives the parents to separate.
I just don't get it. You know and I know it has caused millions of marriages to fail, most leaving behind children who have to be left with a substance abuser to deal with on their own so to speak. It's disgusting.
I am sorry Pippi. It is wonderful that you are such an advocate for your children. You are a good mom. I too am happy we all have each other, if not I think I would lose my mind.
God Bless!
I just don't get it. You know and I know it has caused millions of marriages to fail, most leaving behind children who have to be left with a substance abuser to deal with on their own so to speak. It's disgusting.
I am sorry Pippi. It is wonderful that you are such an advocate for your children. You are a good mom. I too am happy we all have each other, if not I think I would lose my mind.
God Bless!
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
Thanks for the heads up, you two. That's what makes this place so great. There's always someone(s) who've traveled a similar road and can warn about what might lie ahead.
I have emails, photos, doctor's visits as proof of some of the abuse. They probably will simply ignore the emotional abuse. Most of xah's horribleness is intentionally hard-to-detect cruelty of the kind that leaves no evidence. But not always...
The only people that seem to really get the addiction and accompanying madness is you folks, my dv counsellor, and a few nice ladies I know from Al-Anon. We should declare ourselves experts and wake up the rest of the world. The judges, lawyers, doctors and therapists don't generally know diddly squat.
I have emails, photos, doctor's visits as proof of some of the abuse. They probably will simply ignore the emotional abuse. Most of xah's horribleness is intentionally hard-to-detect cruelty of the kind that leaves no evidence. But not always...
The only people that seem to really get the addiction and accompanying madness is you folks, my dv counsellor, and a few nice ladies I know from Al-Anon. We should declare ourselves experts and wake up the rest of the world. The judges, lawyers, doctors and therapists don't generally know diddly squat.
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Often times, calls by an estranged spouse are seen as vindictive, or as a weapon to gain the upper hand. I have seen it back fire many, many times. Is there any one else that can make the call? A mandated reporter? As they are taken far more seriously.
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I agree that complaints are taken more seriously when filed by the child or a 3rd party (like the school counselor.) I posted before about a friend whose daughter was really upset after her father drove back from out of town very drunk with her in the car. The daughter reported it to the school counselor who contacted CPS. CPS did open a file but since it was a he-said/she-said incident, they just mandated some bogus classes. Thankfully, friend's daughter is old enough to drive now. Of course, having had one file on record will help in the event that a future incident occurs. My friend has been advised by her attorney that should another reportable incident occur, she would have just cause to file for sole custody (though her daughter is old enough that this won't be an issue much longer.)
All that basically to say that though my experiences with CPS have not had great outcomes, it is still worthwhile to report all incidents because the more incidents built up, the better a case against the A.
All that basically to say that though my experiences with CPS have not had great outcomes, it is still worthwhile to report all incidents because the more incidents built up, the better a case against the A.
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Hi Pippi,
I'm not in the US but have lots of experience in making referrals to child protection services here. It might be very helpful if you could prepare a really detailed chronology citing incidences of any abuse ( including emotional abuse and neglect) with dates and details of any professionals contacted at the time, any witnesses and any other relevant info ( eg child suffering nightmares etc following an incident.) Its a gruelling, time consuming job but may be useful .
Jo x
I'm not in the US but have lots of experience in making referrals to child protection services here. It might be very helpful if you could prepare a really detailed chronology citing incidences of any abuse ( including emotional abuse and neglect) with dates and details of any professionals contacted at the time, any witnesses and any other relevant info ( eg child suffering nightmares etc following an incident.) Its a gruelling, time consuming job but may be useful .
Jo x
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I think you may be asking for more trouble than its worth. Yes, they will investigate. But they will also investigate any accusations made against YOU. And they will wonder why you've only decided to call now, instead of whenever these alleged incidents occurred. This case will reek of 'custody dispute' rather than abuse. You say you 'don't want the children on unsupervised overnight access' - unfortunately, I doubt this will give you what you want since there's no evidence at all that he has abused them. If there was, why hasn't their therapist or pediatrician reported it? Your kids would need to be able to privately tell the social worker - a total stranger - what their dad has supposedly done to them. Will the kids tell the social worker they were afraid on their skiing trip, or will they tell the social worker they had fun?
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I waited because I thought the pediatrician, therapist, lawyers, judges would help me.
I don't know why no one has reported anything, except that they all of them don't want to get involved with the court system. The therapist told me that her lawyer advised her to say and do nothing. I don't think they have mandatory reporting here. This is a reserved society.
So I have everything written chronologically with detail and documentation/ evidence/photos, etc.
Otherwise what do you recommend I do? Nothing. What does that message send my children?
They were afraid to go with their father on their last visit. One got hurt and sick. Another was already sick and he left her alone for three days while he skied with the others. They liked the skiing. Skiing is great. But they also came back saying, 'something is wrong with dad'.
I don't know why no one has reported anything, except that they all of them don't want to get involved with the court system. The therapist told me that her lawyer advised her to say and do nothing. I don't think they have mandatory reporting here. This is a reserved society.
So I have everything written chronologically with detail and documentation/ evidence/photos, etc.
Otherwise what do you recommend I do? Nothing. What does that message send my children?
They were afraid to go with their father on their last visit. One got hurt and sick. Another was already sick and he left her alone for three days while he skied with the others. They liked the skiing. Skiing is great. But they also came back saying, 'something is wrong with dad'.
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I think it can very state to state as well I have known of clients and one friend who has gone this route both unsuccessfully with allegations similar to yours.
Our state DFACS is currently under investigation for the many, many deaths that occurred here (213) last year of children some of whom were in active cases with DFACS. This system is overburdened, and I think they just have nowhere to put the majority of the kids.
Now this isn't your issue as you have a healthy home for them to live in. I do feel obliged to let you know that I have a client/friend that was in very similar circumstances as you. Very wealthy husband. She did file with DFACS the abuse was quite similar along with leaving too young children alone late at night often. Here is what happened - he sailed through the court proceedings with flying colors. The Judge literally rolled his eyes. Then her husband laid claims within the divorce outside of DFACS that she was an unfit mother. What ensued was 6 months of terror for her - they picked her apart like nothing I have ever seen. She had to go to psychological evaluations that entire time. She seldom left her house as he was having her followed by a PI to "catch" her doing something. She was advised by her attorney not to drink in her home and certainly not out and about (she was not an alcoholic by any means). Even when he had the kids no attending bars, or go out period. It was hell. He accused her of being a drug addict, and a witch (uh huh) among a long list of things.
What happened in the end is they share 50/50 physical custody and he got 100% legal custody because the judge sided with him that she was not capable of making those decisions.
See here in the states money talks in Court and he who dies with the most toys wins. To finish that divorce they had to produce all legal bills her cost was 90K his cost was 1 million dollars and I am not kidding. He had the money to fund his accusations and the Court, btw, had told him he would have to fund the cost of all those experts who were evaluating her (they sided with him stating she was unstable).
So I would put some thought into it before I went this route I am not sure you will get what you are looking for you may get what you are not looking for - which is to **** your Ex off and have him point the gun your way.
I agree that if this is something you want to pursue I would NOT go through child services. I would hire a PI. Wicked expensive.
Sorry that its the way it is here - I am sure others may have a different opinion - this has been only my observation.
Our state DFACS is currently under investigation for the many, many deaths that occurred here (213) last year of children some of whom were in active cases with DFACS. This system is overburdened, and I think they just have nowhere to put the majority of the kids.
Now this isn't your issue as you have a healthy home for them to live in. I do feel obliged to let you know that I have a client/friend that was in very similar circumstances as you. Very wealthy husband. She did file with DFACS the abuse was quite similar along with leaving too young children alone late at night often. Here is what happened - he sailed through the court proceedings with flying colors. The Judge literally rolled his eyes. Then her husband laid claims within the divorce outside of DFACS that she was an unfit mother. What ensued was 6 months of terror for her - they picked her apart like nothing I have ever seen. She had to go to psychological evaluations that entire time. She seldom left her house as he was having her followed by a PI to "catch" her doing something. She was advised by her attorney not to drink in her home and certainly not out and about (she was not an alcoholic by any means). Even when he had the kids no attending bars, or go out period. It was hell. He accused her of being a drug addict, and a witch (uh huh) among a long list of things.
What happened in the end is they share 50/50 physical custody and he got 100% legal custody because the judge sided with him that she was not capable of making those decisions.
See here in the states money talks in Court and he who dies with the most toys wins. To finish that divorce they had to produce all legal bills her cost was 90K his cost was 1 million dollars and I am not kidding. He had the money to fund his accusations and the Court, btw, had told him he would have to fund the cost of all those experts who were evaluating her (they sided with him stating she was unstable).
So I would put some thought into it before I went this route I am not sure you will get what you are looking for you may get what you are not looking for - which is to **** your Ex off and have him point the gun your way.
I agree that if this is something you want to pursue I would NOT go through child services. I would hire a PI. Wicked expensive.
Sorry that its the way it is here - I am sure others may have a different opinion - this has been only my observation.
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Hi Pippi,
I think you should do what you feel is best for your kids. Yes, I agree with documenting abuse for the divorce papers.
When I read your original post, I thought, yes, tell CPS, stick up for your kids. Then I got to thinking and read others' posts...I am not sure it is wise to stir the pot with your soon to be exah and CPS.
He has shown himself to be vindictive. You know he is that way. He has money and resources and is willing to go out of his way to cause you problems. He has proven this time and again. He has money and you don't for drawn out legal battles. He could easily turn around and say bad things about you too that you might not see coming...and he has the money to see this through.
You and the kids live 1000's of miles away in another country. If he is not seeking custody and your kids are only with him (what seems like) a few times per year, then they are not really exposed to him for any great length of time with the exception of 3 weeks in the summer and 1-2 weeks in winter. These visits are more like temporary vacations rather than living day in and out with an abuser. He has little to no interaction with them.
Your kids are not little children anymore and there are 4 of them to look out for each other when with dad. They have each others' backs it sounds like.
Other than a supervised visit during their visits with ah, what do you expect to change/hope to gain?
I think you should do what you feel is best for your kids. Yes, I agree with documenting abuse for the divorce papers.
When I read your original post, I thought, yes, tell CPS, stick up for your kids. Then I got to thinking and read others' posts...I am not sure it is wise to stir the pot with your soon to be exah and CPS.
He has shown himself to be vindictive. You know he is that way. He has money and resources and is willing to go out of his way to cause you problems. He has proven this time and again. He has money and you don't for drawn out legal battles. He could easily turn around and say bad things about you too that you might not see coming...and he has the money to see this through.
You and the kids live 1000's of miles away in another country. If he is not seeking custody and your kids are only with him (what seems like) a few times per year, then they are not really exposed to him for any great length of time with the exception of 3 weeks in the summer and 1-2 weeks in winter. These visits are more like temporary vacations rather than living day in and out with an abuser. He has little to no interaction with them.
Your kids are not little children anymore and there are 4 of them to look out for each other when with dad. They have each others' backs it sounds like.
Other than a supervised visit during their visits with ah, what do you expect to change/hope to gain?
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Pippi, trying to make sense of this . . .
Most of the time, you are in Europe with the kids.
And most of the time, he is Stateside, right?
So this only applies when the kids are in the US with him, and/or he is visiting Europe to see the kids?
Just trying to track the application . . . so you would submit this to his home state in the US, for supervised visits, or to limit visits, and then also in Europe (I guess they have some sort of CPS, etc) for the same?
Most of the time, you are in Europe with the kids.
And most of the time, he is Stateside, right?
So this only applies when the kids are in the US with him, and/or he is visiting Europe to see the kids?
Just trying to track the application . . . so you would submit this to his home state in the US, for supervised visits, or to limit visits, and then also in Europe (I guess they have some sort of CPS, etc) for the same?
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I half knew what I was getting into when I sent off this thread. I have to come here because I am such a dumb a**, which is also why I married and live with xah for 17 years without entirely seeing this coming. Wake up, Pippi!
I live as though doing the right thing is what matters. Well, we'll see in the end how things turn out, but the situation remains a bit precarious.
Ok. I took DD13 and DS10 to therapy this morning. DS10 is fine and sometimes DD13 seems intent on making her life difficult as a way of protesting the situation she finds herself in. But then she comes and sits on my lap and I think, she's going to be okay.
I think I had better just keep things going as they are. I will send all the information I assembled to the pediatrician and therapist. They, and my lawyer here, all know each other socially (small world) and they're on my team. Let me keep my eyes open and prepare the children as best I can for each stay with their Dad.
Thank you everyone for giving me the hard honest truth. I am taking it all in.
I am so so lucky that xah isn't trying (at the moment) to get custody. He's just trying to starve us.
It's hard to understand how mean not only xah has turned out to be, but how the court system supports people like him.
Mark my words, I am not leaving this world without trying to get our voices heard.
I live as though doing the right thing is what matters. Well, we'll see in the end how things turn out, but the situation remains a bit precarious.
Ok. I took DD13 and DS10 to therapy this morning. DS10 is fine and sometimes DD13 seems intent on making her life difficult as a way of protesting the situation she finds herself in. But then she comes and sits on my lap and I think, she's going to be okay.
I think I had better just keep things going as they are. I will send all the information I assembled to the pediatrician and therapist. They, and my lawyer here, all know each other socially (small world) and they're on my team. Let me keep my eyes open and prepare the children as best I can for each stay with their Dad.
Thank you everyone for giving me the hard honest truth. I am taking it all in.
I am so so lucky that xah isn't trying (at the moment) to get custody. He's just trying to starve us.
It's hard to understand how mean not only xah has turned out to be, but how the court system supports people like him.
Mark my words, I am not leaving this world without trying to get our voices heard.
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they will wonder why you've only decided to call now, instead of whenever these alleged incidents occurred.
I live as though doing the right thing is what matters.
I was thinking that when I read Mambo Queen's sad post this morning, about her XAH dying -- and I've been thinking that throughout my own separation, divorce, and custody dispute: Regardless of what people have told me and advised me to do, I have in every single instance gone with what I thought was doing the right thing.
I'm not 100% sure I was always right -- but there is a great peace, now that it's all over, in knowing that not in one single instance did I go against what I believed to be right. And that matters a whole lot to me.
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Good question, Hammer. You are such an engineer. I need you on my team.
So yeah. He gets three one-week holidays in Europe with the kiddos, 10 days in US for Xmas, and 3.5 weeks for summer vacation in the US. Add up that expenses, throw in ski tix for 5 for a week, luxury holiday rentals and fancy cars, and that's twice the annual cost of we receive for child support - but anyway...
I don't know about this 3.5 week holiday in the US. Assuming I am employed, then they go without me. I think I can't handle that possibility. That's partly why I am dragging my heels on the just get a job already front. My umbilical cord with my 7 year old isn't long enough to reach across the Atlantic and it'll rip my guts out to let her go without me.
So I am trying to get a job that allows me the flexibility to do what I need to for the children this summer. Come what may.
So yeah. He gets three one-week holidays in Europe with the kiddos, 10 days in US for Xmas, and 3.5 weeks for summer vacation in the US. Add up that expenses, throw in ski tix for 5 for a week, luxury holiday rentals and fancy cars, and that's twice the annual cost of we receive for child support - but anyway...
I don't know about this 3.5 week holiday in the US. Assuming I am employed, then they go without me. I think I can't handle that possibility. That's partly why I am dragging my heels on the just get a job already front. My umbilical cord with my 7 year old isn't long enough to reach across the Atlantic and it'll rip my guts out to let her go without me.
So I am trying to get a job that allows me the flexibility to do what I need to for the children this summer. Come what may.
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