2bhappier

My second post of the day. Sorry to bombard the board. I wonder what I should do about my husband. He really does not encourage or support my recovery efforts. He honestly does think I don't need to quit drinking and that I am fine. I actually think he prefers me when I do drink. As I mentioned before, he doesn't drink very often, a couple of times a year at most and then usually only one drink, rarely ever 2. He does like pot but I can't say he is addicted to it because he just sort of smokes randomly and not obsessively. Just when he feels like it on occasion (it is legal here). If I asked him to buy booze for me he would.

That said, he isn't doing anything to sabotage my efforts. He is not buying alcohol for me or encouraging me to drink. He just doesn't think I need to worry about my drinking.

I am hoping that eventually he will come to be more supportive.

I hate to say this, but I am kind of surprised I've been able to keep going without alcohol. I didn't think I could. I hope I can keep it up.

doggonecarl

By supportive what do you mean? And I mean specifically. What could he do to support your recovery?

FreeOwl

carl is asking a good question here.

This isn't really about your husband - it's about you. Even if he doesn't support or even see why you feel you need this, you can choose the path of sobriety.

however, it will be a lot easier if you can garner your life partner's understanding or at minimum his support for some basic, simple things. Be specific. Tell him why it's important to YOU regardless of his view. Assure him that it's not about him, that you won't foist your views on him (he may fear this and that may underpin his lack of support), assure him that he is free to drink if he chooses, then give him specifics as to what you'd like from him.

Maybe something like "please don't ask or offer me alcohol... drink if you'd prefer, but respect the importance of my sobriety by not extending the offer to me. If you'd like to offer me something, offer me a _______ instead".

Maybe "I realize that you don't agree with my view here, but please refrain from comments that indicate I am OK, don't have a problem with alcohol, should not be quitting, etc. Even if I don't have a PROBLEM, my choice is to live the life that I feel best about, that I feel serves me and you and my family the most. That choice is a path of sobriety, so please don't say things to suggest that is wrong".

Clear and honest communication like this can help disarm any fears he may have about you trying to evangelize him, and will also serve to help avoid any resentment or anger you might feel toward him if his comments or behavior work against your sobriety....

just my thoughts.

Good luck!!

silentrun

My husband is like that. No pot smoking. At first it threw me a little like he didn't have any sense of what I was dealing with. One of my biggest challenges ever and minimization from him. Now I actually like it this way. I can come here when I feel the need to be supported or understood. My home life is completely free of any alcohol related discussions.

Mizzuno

I think when we are married, we tend to put everything into one pot and think that our significant others are going to fall in line with our thinking. Remembering that each person in the unity is an individual and has their own ways of behaving and being is important. Your husband, as you have stated, does not think that you need to worry about your drinking. That is his take on the situation. This should not stop you from doing what is right for you. I noticed, for myself, with time and patience my husband was able to support my ideas and become familiar with the sober Mizzuno. Maybe for your husband, it is not a big deal because he is not an alcoholic and therefore does not have an alcoholic brain. I am not saying you are an alcoholic either, but there is a difference in thoughts with the normal drinker and the alcoholic. Just keep moving forward. What you think and what you are accomplishing is really important.

Jus

2b, I've not gotten support from mine.

Today I do this for ME, simple.

You have to do it
FOR YOU

I can't stress that enough.

I'm content, today, that's enough.

I chose not to drink, and look for support where I can get it.
That's what we do, if we can't get it in our own homes.

Unfortunately, some don't get it, or chose not to.

2bhappier

By support I mean facilitating my efforts to get to meetings, etc. There are 2 meetings a week that are close to where we live but I could make more meetings closer to work if he were willing to handle more of the barn chores and things with our daughters. He will not do so because he thinks going to AA meetings is not necessary for me whereas taking care of the horses is. We have talked about it quite a bit. It isn't though he is encouraging me to drink but he isn't helping in ways to make getting to meetings, listening to AA speakers, etc more readily available to me. I do think as a couple we have a lot on our plate. We have a horse rescue operation, both have demanding FT jobs out of the house, have a SN daughter and take care of my wheelchair bound mom. However, everyone has a busy life. We're not unique in that way.