He contacted me - I have so much to say, but I won't.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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He contacted me - I have so much to say, but I won't.
He sent me a text last night. Basically that he's so sorry about everything and asking if I wanted something of mine back that I already told him to keep.
At first it didn't bother me that much. I took me slightly by surprise to see his name pop up on my messages after 2 weeks of nothing, but I just put the phone away. I haven't answered, but now I'm angry again. During our last fight, I begged him to get help and he told me it was done. Looked me right in my face and said "It's done". So, why text me saying you're sorry and asking me if I want something I've already said I didn't want? What's the sense?
Normally within a few days of him not contacting me, I'd text him and the ball would start rolling all over again. This time, I didn't. He's hurt me so much and so many times that I just can't do it anymore. It's been a hard two weeks and I'm sitting here wondering why he'd want to start this up again. He's baiting to see if I'll respond. Rarely has he been the one to reach out first and anytime he did, I'd immediately reply and we'd end up back together. He's hurt me too much this time. I'm not sure what he'll do at this point with me having no response, but I'm guessing he'll just give up. Even the text was lazy. I had so much to say, and still do, but it isn't worth it. He never 'heard' me anyway and it never did a thing to change the circumstances.
I gave him everything I had to give someone. I continued to give even when I was emotionally depleted. I forgave him so many times and believed him when he'd promise me things would change. I just gave, gave, gave and he took, took, took. He was jealous and controlling and in the thick of it, I didn't even realize how bad it was. It wasn't until I left and friends made me really look at it and see how bad it was. It hurts.
I pray for the best for him, I do, but he knows how badly he treated me and how much he's hurt me. He'd cry and apologize about it constantly. You'd think he'd maybe just let me go on with my life. Maybe he will. Maybe since I didn't respond, he'll just let it go. I'm not really sure what to expect at this point. I'm proud of myself for not responding, but I'm also angry. This hasn't been easy, I'll say that.
At first it didn't bother me that much. I took me slightly by surprise to see his name pop up on my messages after 2 weeks of nothing, but I just put the phone away. I haven't answered, but now I'm angry again. During our last fight, I begged him to get help and he told me it was done. Looked me right in my face and said "It's done". So, why text me saying you're sorry and asking me if I want something I've already said I didn't want? What's the sense?
Normally within a few days of him not contacting me, I'd text him and the ball would start rolling all over again. This time, I didn't. He's hurt me so much and so many times that I just can't do it anymore. It's been a hard two weeks and I'm sitting here wondering why he'd want to start this up again. He's baiting to see if I'll respond. Rarely has he been the one to reach out first and anytime he did, I'd immediately reply and we'd end up back together. He's hurt me too much this time. I'm not sure what he'll do at this point with me having no response, but I'm guessing he'll just give up. Even the text was lazy. I had so much to say, and still do, but it isn't worth it. He never 'heard' me anyway and it never did a thing to change the circumstances.
I gave him everything I had to give someone. I continued to give even when I was emotionally depleted. I forgave him so many times and believed him when he'd promise me things would change. I just gave, gave, gave and he took, took, took. He was jealous and controlling and in the thick of it, I didn't even realize how bad it was. It wasn't until I left and friends made me really look at it and see how bad it was. It hurts.
I pray for the best for him, I do, but he knows how badly he treated me and how much he's hurt me. He'd cry and apologize about it constantly. You'd think he'd maybe just let me go on with my life. Maybe he will. Maybe since I didn't respond, he'll just let it go. I'm not really sure what to expect at this point. I'm proud of myself for not responding, but I'm also angry. This hasn't been easy, I'll say that.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
Well done!
As teeangers we would go dance at parties until the light went on. Sometimes we managed to sweet talk the dj to play a couple more songs. Not sure if your ex wants to keep dancing or is ready to go home. But after all, none of your business, right?!
Congrats for putting yourself first!
As teeangers we would go dance at parties until the light went on. Sometimes we managed to sweet talk the dj to play a couple more songs. Not sure if your ex wants to keep dancing or is ready to go home. But after all, none of your business, right?!
Congrats for putting yourself first!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
From my experience, this is the next part of the cycle. When we don't respond immediately and beg them to come back, they are surprised and off kilter. They've been playing a game of "tug the rope" and they expect the person on the other end of the rope to pull them back.
When we don't, they fall down, and they don't like it, and they realize what they are losing and want it back. I don't think it is that they value us any more than they did; they just don't want to lose the comfort, care, whatever it is that we have been giving them that made their lives easier.
You are brave and wise to end this cycle. Until he is in a true recovery and commitment to sobriety, these are just tears for the inconvenience of what he is losing from not having you in his life. It's not a measure of how much he loves you or how serious he is about repairing the damage and re-building a healthy loving relationship until he commits to sobriety and achieves a year.
ShootingStar1
When we don't, they fall down, and they don't like it, and they realize what they are losing and want it back. I don't think it is that they value us any more than they did; they just don't want to lose the comfort, care, whatever it is that we have been giving them that made their lives easier.
You are brave and wise to end this cycle. Until he is in a true recovery and commitment to sobriety, these are just tears for the inconvenience of what he is losing from not having you in his life. It's not a measure of how much he loves you or how serious he is about repairing the damage and re-building a healthy loving relationship until he commits to sobriety and achieves a year.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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You're all so amazing. Thank you. This forum has become a source of true healing and strength for me. It's so nice to be able to just get it all out here, and have those that so thoroughly understand what it's like give feedback and understanding.
You're all absolutely right. This is part of our cycle. Where he thinks it'll go from here with me not responding, I have no idea, but this game is becoming so obvious to me now. He'd say "we need to fix this, babe", but no, it was only me always trying to fix it. He'd make some lazy attempts, act like he just really didn't understand and throw some 'trys' to keep me working, but that's all it was. He barely had to work at anything in our relationship, I did it all. I did all of the talking and explaining. But, it's true, it is none of my business where he is with his feelings about us anymore. It's about me now and I've come too far and hurt too much to go backwards. It still hurts, but it's much duller than last week or the week before.
The text threw me back a little, but the game is so vividly clear to me now.
Thank you again everyone!
You're all absolutely right. This is part of our cycle. Where he thinks it'll go from here with me not responding, I have no idea, but this game is becoming so obvious to me now. He'd say "we need to fix this, babe", but no, it was only me always trying to fix it. He'd make some lazy attempts, act like he just really didn't understand and throw some 'trys' to keep me working, but that's all it was. He barely had to work at anything in our relationship, I did it all. I did all of the talking and explaining. But, it's true, it is none of my business where he is with his feelings about us anymore. It's about me now and I've come too far and hurt too much to go backwards. It still hurts, but it's much duller than last week or the week before.
The text threw me back a little, but the game is so vividly clear to me now.
Thank you again everyone!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I predict that his next ploy will be to announce to you that he is "dating" or has "found someone" along with details you do not want or need to here. (make you jealous, then he can *choose* you).
Do yourself a favor and block his number so you do not read the texts.
Do yourself a favor and block his number so you do not read the texts.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Flipped---HaHaaa...Dandy is right, I think. They will usually use all the manipulative tools in their arsenal--esp. the ones that they know will push your buttons.Looks to me like you are "catchin' on real good"...LOL.
It is natural, and o.k., that you will still feel angry and even cry at times. Go right ahead. You are in the early process of healing, after all.
Good example of short-term pain for long-term gain.
Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!
dandylion
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Posts: 6,516
Normally within a few days of him not contacting me, I'd text him and the ball would start rolling all over again
The fact that you can see so clearly what he's trying to do is a sign that you're already way out of the dysfunctional relationship bubble. Good for you for staying out!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
You know, some people are just plain broken. It doesn't even matter if he's sincere in his apologies and desires to fix his wrongs because he's incapable of it. Until he finds help and fixes himself, he'll never be what you want and deserve.
Stay strong Flipped, you're on the right path!
Stay strong Flipped, you're on the right path!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
It's fantastic you didn't reply/engage. That's a big step.
Can I ask why you haven't just blocked his number? I know it's just been two weeks but wondering if you haven't blocked his number because you still feel some hope?
I personally think that when we stand with that door open, allow them access to us we are like standing in a doorway. Afraid to close the door, afraid we might miss something so we tend to stand there far longer then we should. And if we are in that doorway, we can't really get closure on the relationship and move on.
Little steps as long as each one is forward, you'll do good.
Can I ask why you haven't just blocked his number? I know it's just been two weeks but wondering if you haven't blocked his number because you still feel some hope?
I personally think that when we stand with that door open, allow them access to us we are like standing in a doorway. Afraid to close the door, afraid we might miss something so we tend to stand there far longer then we should. And if we are in that doorway, we can't really get closure on the relationship and move on.
Little steps as long as each one is forward, you'll do good.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 94
Hi Flipped
Congrats, I think you did the right thing. I fell into the 'lets talk' trap and I have to say even though I let it all out, it still felt hollow. So kudos to you for not taking the bait. His apologies and explanations were all hollow. I have heard many on this board say how badly they want the apology, but in the end I realized the apology mattered very little, he is just incapable of being sincere right now even '1 month sober'. So not responding even though you felt like you had a lot to say is definitely best right now. My X even tried the lets be friends card but I didn't take him up on it. Please be prepared for your X to try that as well, they'll do anything to keep us on the hook. Keep up the good work, you're doing great.
Congrats, I think you did the right thing. I fell into the 'lets talk' trap and I have to say even though I let it all out, it still felt hollow. So kudos to you for not taking the bait. His apologies and explanations were all hollow. I have heard many on this board say how badly they want the apology, but in the end I realized the apology mattered very little, he is just incapable of being sincere right now even '1 month sober'. So not responding even though you felt like you had a lot to say is definitely best right now. My X even tried the lets be friends card but I didn't take him up on it. Please be prepared for your X to try that as well, they'll do anything to keep us on the hook. Keep up the good work, you're doing great.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by atalose 
I personally think that when we stand with that door open, allow them access to us we are like standing in a doorway. Afraid to close the door, afraid we might miss something so we tend to stand there far longer then we should. And if we are in that doorway, we can't really get closure on the relationship and move on.
Little steps as long as each one is forward, you'll do good.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
I just went into my Verizon wireless account to see about blocking and they do have the feature to block his number, which I did. You're all right - I wanted to see if he would text me deep down, I guess. He did, and I didn't react. I'm happy about that, but maybe a part of me wasn't fully ready to completely close the door. I'm ready now. I'm tired of the merry-go-round of insanity full of lies, deceit, probable cheating (couldn't prove it, but all signs pointed to it I'm now realizing), meaningless apologies, sob stories, fake tears, fake promises, etc...
Thank you all so much for the support. The door has officially been closed. And dead bolted. He's hurt me too much, I guess he doesn't realize it yet, but it's finished.
Thank you all so much for the support. The door has officially been closed. And dead bolted. He's hurt me too much, I guess he doesn't realize it yet, but it's finished.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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The text threw me back a little, but the game is so vividly clear to me now.
I guess he doesn't realize it yet, but it's finished.
You realize it, and that's all that matters. Right on Halo! Stay strong, you're doing great.
I guess he doesn't realize it yet, but it's finished.
You realize it, and that's all that matters. Right on Halo! Stay strong, you're doing great.
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