spouse of a recovering alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: visalia, CA
Posts: 10
spouse of a recovering alcoholic
Hi everyone,
I have been trying to get to the family and friends site for a week and finally found thanks to someone who helped me.It is hard to go to Al-Anon meetings, but it is hard with my schedule and my kids.I was told about this site for support and am so glad to have found it.If I can continue to get support this way, that works for me and and I am happy to support others also.Glad to finally be here.
I have been trying to get to the family and friends site for a week and finally found thanks to someone who helped me.It is hard to go to Al-Anon meetings, but it is hard with my schedule and my kids.I was told about this site for support and am so glad to have found it.If I can continue to get support this way, that works for me and and I am happy to support others also.Glad to finally be here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hi rainbow, and welcome. I am glad you found us, but so sorry you had to come looking. Now that you are finally here, please take some time to read through the threads and get to know us better. One thing you will see is that you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 232
Welcome Rainbow, I'm sorry you had to have a reason to even look for us.
If you've read any other the other posts, you'll find we're a great big mixed bag of people struggling with our loved ones(spouse, sons, daughters, parents, significant others, etc) alcoholism/addiction.
Some are trying to get help and succeeding, others not, some not trying at all, and everything in between.
ALOT of experience and insight, and ALOT of opinions, suggestions, advice.
So hang out, stay as long as you like, post as often as you feel. Read the stickys. They reveal a lot of what we're/you're dealing with.
You're with a lot of people who 'get' what you're going through, but just wish we never had to go down this road at all. We don't even wish this on our worst enemies.
God bless you!
If you've read any other the other posts, you'll find we're a great big mixed bag of people struggling with our loved ones(spouse, sons, daughters, parents, significant others, etc) alcoholism/addiction.
Some are trying to get help and succeeding, others not, some not trying at all, and everything in between.
ALOT of experience and insight, and ALOT of opinions, suggestions, advice.
So hang out, stay as long as you like, post as often as you feel. Read the stickys. They reveal a lot of what we're/you're dealing with.
You're with a lot of people who 'get' what you're going through, but just wish we never had to go down this road at all. We don't even wish this on our worst enemies.
God bless you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: visalia, CA
Posts: 10
Thank you for that. I have met some very nice and supporting people. I am glad to have found this site. I don't feel as alone as I did a week and a half ago. I hope I can help others, too.Right n I w, we are at the stage of Dry Drunk. Things still don't feel quite like they used to before the drinking started. Trying to be patient. This is not easy. Last time I felt alone, he was drinking. I am great full that he is sticking to his AA meetings. I am trying not to let anything interupt his meetings, which means more is on my shoulders. Im I being selfish?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 232
I wouldn't call it selfish.
You're going to have to focus on you. There are others here more qualified than i that have a spouse going through the program(my wife wont), that will tell you that you need to get into your own program.
There will be some things you may have to do more now: maybe more routine stuff around the house, taking more responsibility for the kids, etc.
It sucks but I akin it to preparing a life without him as its a detachment of sorts.
Not sure if I helped at all.
You're going to have to focus on you. There are others here more qualified than i that have a spouse going through the program(my wife wont), that will tell you that you need to get into your own program.
There will be some things you may have to do more now: maybe more routine stuff around the house, taking more responsibility for the kids, etc.
It sucks but I akin it to preparing a life without him as its a detachment of sorts.
Not sure if I helped at all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
Welcome Rainbow. I too and in a similar situation. He returns home Sunday. I am terrified. Our wedding was supposed to be in May. Everything is such a mess. Follow advice - read a lot, do your research. Went to Al-Anon and found some other supports. Every little thing to invest in yourself will help you immensely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: visalia, CA
Posts: 10
Thank you for the support. I pray that when he comes home, you both will be able to start your lives over again, together. One of the hardest hardest parts is wondering how he will be when he comes home. I hope he has told you the hiding spots of is addiction. That is a huge step to recovery and I hope he starts finding support groups as soon as possible. Talk to me anytime you need support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: visalia, CA
Posts: 10
Thank you,
Any support is more helpful than I could explain.This site has really helped me. I do keep myself busy between my job and our kids. I am trying to make a little more time for me. Trying to go do more with our girls and even get a little me time in my busy schedule. I get a little me time tomorrow and can't wait. It is long over due. My husband is still going to his AA meetings and I am proud of him. We are planning family time soon and can't wait for that. Feels like a new life. Kind of scary but good. Takes a lot of getting used to.One hard thing I am trying not to do, is question what he is doing when he goes out in the garage or drives somewhere. I don't want to be lied to, again, but I just want to be able to trust him completely again.Our marraige is different now, but for the better I hope.
Any support is more helpful than I could explain.This site has really helped me. I do keep myself busy between my job and our kids. I am trying to make a little more time for me. Trying to go do more with our girls and even get a little me time in my busy schedule. I get a little me time tomorrow and can't wait. It is long over due. My husband is still going to his AA meetings and I am proud of him. We are planning family time soon and can't wait for that. Feels like a new life. Kind of scary but good. Takes a lot of getting used to.One hard thing I am trying not to do, is question what he is doing when he goes out in the garage or drives somewhere. I don't want to be lied to, again, but I just want to be able to trust him completely again.Our marraige is different now, but for the better I hope.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 79
Welcome, I live with my RAH, he's been sober almost 4 months now, we have 3 young daughters. I too, am always on edge when he's late coming home from work or disappears to run errands. I guess it's just part of the recovery process. Rebuilding trust isn't going to be easy and I have a feeling it's going to take a lot of time. My RAH isn't working a program, I think he's in the midst of dry drunk syndrome. Running the whole household and taking care of the kids by myself has been the norm for me for quite some time now but I hope for the day to come when we can be equal partners and parents again. Will it ever happen? I hold on to hope that it will. Welcome to SR, you are most definitely not alone!!
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