Grateful11

I am feeling better overall but struggling a little and afraid I'm going to cave.

Because I lost my driver's license due to 2 DUI's within 2 years, I have to rely on public transportation. I have no problem with this and actually like it most of the time, however this brutal winter in Chicago has taken its toll on me as I have been outside for hours waiting in sub-zero temps for late buses and trains with no shelter.

Yesterday I worked all day and then stood outside waiting for the bus for so long...I was already exhausted, hungry and full of self-pity...adding absolutely freezing on to that had me thinking of drinking.

I had to keep telling myself that it was not an option but by the time I got home after 2 bus rides and a train ride and more time waiting outside, I was so irritated and cranky. I knew I just needed to warm up, eat and sleep but I kept thinking that maybe I should have drank. Thank God I didn't listen to those thoughts, I managed to stay sober...but I was so angry!

Today I woke up rested and happy to be sober. Now I am feeling like I have so much work to do and not enough time. I also heard the weather is going to be horrible tomorrow again. I am really struggling with bad fantasies about having just one drink. It's almost like I feel like it would be some kind of reward even though I know it will just make things worse.

Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent and have a little pity party.

soberlife123

10 days is fantastic!! that's 10 times as long as I've gone without a drink. (coming up on 24 hours since my last relapse)

Yay! One day at a time

Thepatman

You can do this! Just hang on tight!

You have detox out of the way, going back to day1 will not solve anything.

I am cheering for you, you got this!

advbike

It sounds like you are having to endure some difficult conditions, which is never easy in early recovery. 10 days was always tough for me and I often caved at that point so I commend you. I would suggest just trying to find peace in the moment, embrace the experience of the snow and cold. Find some beauty. Sounds ridiculous but it works. And make sure you don't go hungry - that is a big trigger for irritability and cravings. Lastly, remember that if you keep this up soon it will be warmer and/or your situation will improve. You're doing great, keep it up!

opentorecieve

Congratulations on your 10 days! That truly is an accomplishment...every day clean and sober is an accomplishment and damn hard work IMO. If you play the tape through just one drink could result in way worse than being cold and tired. Perhaps cuddle up in your heated place with a hot chocolate/coffee/tea and a good book. Work up a sweat. Do not drink just for today. You can do it!

RachelNorth

Hi. that sounds like a pain, not suprised you feel fed up and want a drink. But that is how we want to deal with crap days, but unfortunately we can't. You know the answer is not a drink and well done for getting through it yesterday. I was 9 months sober last year but drank after months of snow and cold, it seemed relentless and I felt isolated and fed up. I am sober again now and regret the lapse but I can see why it happened. Make sure you have some snack food with you so at least you don't get too hungry if you are hanging arund waiting for transport, hunger is very dangerous as I am sure you have heard. Be strong, summer will soon be here and you will love it being sober. Also carry a living sober book of some sort, that and a snack should help you through the tough times. Please carry on coming here, we are here whenever you want to vent. feeling sorry for yourself in also allowed. Take care.

2muchpain

Personally, I don't think its a big deal to feel sorry for yourself sometimes, as long as you don't stay there too long. I am also the type of person who would get anxious and real frustrated when I had a lot of things to do. My head would just keep spinning, and would want a drink just to calm myself down. Today, I try to prioritize what I need to do, and just do one thing at a time. It helps a lot, but it isn't easy. Real happy to hear you are sober today. You're right; you know where that one drink will lead to, and it isn't good. Been there myself many times. It's a guarantee that it will just open the gates of hell again. Stay strong, and warm.

least

That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Keep on moving forward. Ten days is great but it will get even better the longer you're sober. I'm frustrated with winter myself but it's not a valid reason to drink.

Mel12

I just wanted to chime in about the snack food, which I have found to be so helpful at the day's end when stuck far from proper food and comfort. Warmer days are on the way.

Dee74

Hey Grateful,

I'm sorry it's so hard to get around. A little annoyance and frustration is not a good enough reason to throw 10 days away tho, right?

Do you have an ipod or something - music can help...or maybe if you know the bus will be late go and have a coffee and catch a later hopefully less crowded one?

D

Grateful11

Thanks! I do know it is not a valid reason to drink. There is no valid reason. I was just expressing my alcoholic thoughts.

Thanks to everyone here at SR I will spend of the rest of the night working and sleeping, but sober!

Grateful11

Thanks Dee! The problem is that I don't know that the bus will be late...it is based on the amount and timing of the heavy snowfall, it isn't whether or not it's crowded. I have even tried drinking a hot coffee while I wait but it has been so incredibly cold (-30 degrees F windchill) that the coffee gets cold immediately.

I will just have to tough it out. I'm exhausted and irritable right now. Still sober but wishing I would have bought a bottle earlier to be honest. I guess it's good that I was busy and able to resist while the stores were still open.

Looking forward to when the obsession to drink is gone because I really am enjoying the other benefits to sobriety.

Thanks everyone for the great support! Looks like I'll make it at least one more day...

gvrecovery

I can relate to how good it feels to wake up rested and sober after struggling the day before. I'm only sober a short time but I'm finding this site to be a tremendous help.