Mrrryah1

16 days today Whohoo. Sobriety is starting to feel a little bit normal again. I've stopped thinking about drinking so much - it's just not entering my head as often as it was, which is great. But....

I'm finding myself extremely angry. Which would be alright - but I can't pinpoint it to anything - so I can recognize WHY I'm angry and work on it.

It's like - everything and everyone is annoying me/p*ssing me off it seems. And I don't want to feel that way, but I just do. I keep lashing out at friends/family/my fiance and it just feels like I have no control over it. One moment I decide I'm going to just "fake it until I make it", put on a smile and be nicer to everyone until this anger passes, but then the next moment somebody will say/do something, I'll find something wrong with it, and then I'll just become all consumed with my angry feelings and lash at them again.

My fiance keeps asking me - "why are you in such a bad mood?" and my answer, the genuine truth, is "I have no idea". It's just like this bubble of rage inside of me that is waiting for anything/everything to make it angrier so it can take over my emotional state. I know it sounds wierd, I just don't know how else to describe it.

For example - I woke up this morning and found a few pans in the kitchen sink. My fiance had just made me my breakfast and lunches for the day. (What a lucky girl I am....) but instead I became raging about the pans in the sink and totally flipped out about it. My feelings of anger are so much stronger than my feelings of gratitude, kindness, appreciation. They are dominating me and I don't want them to but they just are.

I want to be a better person and I know in order to feel better about myself I need to start changing my actions, but I'm really having a tough time with this. Anyone else experienced this? Found anything that helped?

I feel like I'm going to end up drinking over my anger feelings or my guilt feelings for lashing out at everyone. This is giving my addiction fuel for the fire for sure.

mecanix

Hello Mrryah ,

I had fits of rage in the first weeks of sobriety . One technique i read about somewhere was observing the rage , the physical symptoms , the clenched jaw or fists , sitting hunched over , feeling hot … In the time it takes me to observe this it kinda gives me enough of an edge to work on unclenching the jaw and fists , relaxing my body , taking some deep breaths …
It doesn't completely dispel it but it was the start of me backing myself down . Life and people are not perfect , I started by dealing with the simple physical effects and worked on it from there , progress not perfection !

Bestwishes, m

Anna

I was really angry in the early days too and I didn't really know why. Before too long, I figured out that was angry at myself - how did I make such a mess of things and end up like this! Yes, I was angry at myself and I had to work through that. A Gratitude Journal is a great tool to get through anger. And, be kind to yourself, too.

Coffeebreath

I was very angry when I first got sober. Then someone told me to put the letter "D" in front of my anger, which spells Danger. And everytime I felt myself getting angry I'd remember "Danger", like a neon sign in my head.

also, when I learned the Serenity Prayer, I found that if I kept saying that over and over again when I felt angry, that would calm me down.

DoubleBarrel

I felt a lot of different emotions. Instead of just suppressing everything, you are really feeling for once.

Its a good sign. The anger will fade, its necessity to your recovery, unfortunately, but learning to figure out WHY you are angry, and working on that, is going to help you.

Leshar

Well done on your 16 days! It's early days, but it does get better! I can identify with your present mind state, and it is terribly confusing and disheartening.

I have read that anger often derives from fear. Perhaps that is something in your own life that is worth examining?

Take a step back, and breathe!
I have found meditation to be helpful, and as Anna says, taking a moment to be mindful of all the things I have to be grateful for helps to put things into perspective.
And cherish your fiancé, he sounds like a good man!

Take care, be kind to yourself.

Kissimee54

I am feeling the same and overreacting! I couldn't figure out why. I was just pissed. Like Anna said I was just angry with myself. Being an addict was not something I had planned for my life but it is what it is. I am slowly accepting that fact but doing so kicking and screaming the whole way. I'm pissed that I have to deal with this in my life. Hang in there.

MythOfSisyphus

I think this is good advice. I have a pretty quick temper and a short fuse anyways, so when I quit drinking I was pretty prone to bouts of irrational anger, too. It does pass in time, although my thermostat will probably always be set lower than average!

GreenEggsAndHam

I feel the same way! Was angry about a few things last night. Layed in bed with teeth clenched and had a hard time sleeping. Husband wanted to cuddle and I just wanted him to stay away from me so that made me feel like I was going to lose it even more. I think i was angry with myself and the fact that I have to live life on life's terms and that I can't control everything so that I'm always pleased. Drinking helped me not care as much.

AuntieSoso

I have anger issues, too. I wouldn't say that I exhibit them a lot, and I don't walk around stomping or yelling at people, but it is there, deep down, and other than just doing my work, I don't know what to do about it.

I don't like most people. A trigger for me at work is getting interrupted or people getting in my space (customers, not co-workers). I tend to be aloof and walk around with a bubble of "don't bother me-ness" wrapped around me, but I don't lash out (that would show a lack of control, which I'm not willing to do). I'm trying to learn about compassion and lovingkindness, but I worry that I just won't get there or be able to practice the principles. I guess I have to start with myself and be kind to myself (which I'm definitely not) before I can open myself up to being kind to others.

Mr. SoSo says (from his years of therapy) that anger is a secondary emotion and that it comes from one of two places: hurt or fear. I have experienced both in my life (is there anyone who hasn't?) so I guess I need to get to the root issues.

All of that to say, Mrrryah, that I get where you're coming from.

Mizzuno

Yes, the anger. I think every single one of us has experienced this to one degree or another. I realized that my "go to" emotion is anger. When I really think about why I resort to this anger, it is because it is easier for me to express than being vulnerable or emotional. I fear. I Worry. I am scared.

I had to realize, and am still working on not using this "go to" emotion. It is certainly hard to not use the response that I am so adjusted to using. Don't get me wrong, I am not an angry person through my days, but I have used this emotion on more than one occasion to express my fears and concerns. I believe I was given this tool (unwanted to say the least) from my birth family. I am still trying to get rid of this unwanted gift years later.

Anger comes and goes. Sadness comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. This is what I have learned so far while being on the planet. You will not always be angry, and this too shall pass. If you are in the beginning days of life sans alcohol, then many many emotions are going to be expressed. Hold onto your hat and enjoy the ride. Eventually, you will get off the Roller Coaster and feel level. I can say that with 100% conviction.

gleefan

Mizzuno

I hide my fear and vulnerability behind either wisecracks or anger. It's something I'm working on. How are you working on this?

Mizzuno

Good question. Over this past year, or more importantly over the last few years, I have been able to identify why anger was the first emotion available to me. The one thing that has been helpful is the fact that my husband and I have solid communication. We talk, talk, talk. I would treat situations with a response that was like it was the end of the world and get angry. Anger is easy to feel. What is not easy to feel or to know is the root of the anger. Scared, lonely, uncertainty..... etc. I am not perfect, and I still have my moments where situations most definitely cause me to react in anger. Key word is react. I work on breathing and remaining calm. Honestly, it is hard work. I do not want to be a reactionary person. Unlearning an emotion that comes naturally is not an easy task. The real root of my anger is fear. I fear there is not enough. I fear life will fall apart. I fear. I have to be gentle with myself, the fearful woman and know that life is not over, it is not the end of the world. Through the years, my husband and i have consciously chosen to work on talking and not reacting. It has been a life saver. I think this is what you were asking?

gleefan

Great advice & very much appreciated.

IOAA2

Anger for me has fear wrapped around it. It involves loss of control and fear of the unknown along with forms of insecurity. Control might be the biggest cause as generally alcoholics are control freaks and are egomaniacs with low self esteem, go figure.

BE WELL