bernice07

Hi everyone,
I am new to this group and love all the support here! Thank you for sharing all your stories, it helps inspire me to continue with this path. I lost a daughter seven years ago in a horrible car accident and since then have used alcohol to deal with my grief when it got so much bigger than me. In the last three months I have joined AA, this group and an alcohol awareness group. It has helped a lot. It is still really hard since I come from a huge Italian family and wine was a huge part of my life. But, I got a DUI and realized then that this was way bigger than I could handle and sought help, so far it has shown me how destructive I have been in so many relationships and marriage. I am much happier but it still is a process. Thanks again for sharing, I hope I can inspire as well.

FindTheAnswer

I cannot imagine how I would deal with a child's death. Soooo sorry that you had such a tragedy. And, that is a weak word to describe it. Be grateful that you received the DUI, and that driving that way didn't result in the loss of someone else's child. I drove my child while drinking. Never after having much, but once I remember feeling I shouldn't be driving him. He was 15 and I was so worried. I think about it often. He is 19 now. We had attended his cousin's wedding and my ex-husband was there with his younger, highly successful fiance. I did what I normally did, drink too much and showed off too much. ugh. Humiliating. But, more than that is knowing now that I put my child at risk. More so than that, how many other people's child have I put at risk? It is sad what we are able to justify to ourselves. And, I am saying this as someone that knows I could be doing the same thing next week.

I often wonder why or how in good conscience I have felt it okay to get so messed up in places, where someone else had to take the responsibility to get me home, too. It isn't only irresponsible, but it is inconsiderate. When you break it all down, there is much about alcohol abuse that is shameful. Especially when you are mid-40's and feel you should know better. To me, that just shows how truly insidious the disease process becomes.

I am pleased to hear you are much happier. I hope I get there. This group is very supportive and reading here has gotten me through many "cravings".

Good luck. I look forward to reading about your continued success.

KateL

Welcome Bernice xxxx

SeaScape

Glad you are here with us now!

bernice07

Thank you KateL, with 30 days sober it is such a struggle, I take it minute by minute that is for sure. God helps a lot, he sent 5 beautiful cardinals to my bird feeder today, with the snow gleaming and the sky so blue they looked magnificent! A true reminder of his awesome work, and the great thing is, he loves me just the way I am with no strings attached, how awesome is that!

Hevyn

Glad to meet you bernice. I'm sorry for the pain you've dealt with. I used alcohol to cope too - but it turns out it only keeps us from dealing with things in a healthy way. Being numb & foggy is no life.

Congratulations on your 30 days. Sounds like you're enjoying being clear headed. Things will keep getting better.

bernice07

Thanks Hevn,
It has been rough but people like you help inspire us to be better!

MythOfSisyphus

It's good to have you here, bernice07! I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to even imagine how it must feel. But you know your daughter wouldn't want you to die with her. She would want you to live and be healthy.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! great to have you onboard!!

least

Welcome!