Dont know what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
Dont know what to do
Hi I'm new to this and I guess I'm reaching out because I don't know what to do and I feel so alone and so mixed with emotions.
My boyfriend that I have been with for three years . He is a (or was?) a recovery herion addict. When we first met he just got out of jail and had detoxed when he was in there. I've been by his side through probation and court and I supported him while he was going to NA. He got really involved in the program and graduated out of his probation program. one day he told he didn't want to go to Na anymore. Naturally I supported his decision. He started smoking pot and drinking again which he swore he was fine with. Maybe 6 months later he went to the dentist and had all his wisdom teeth pulled which the doctor prescribed him pain pills that was an opiate. I told him he shouldn't take them but he insisted he needed them. Once the bottle was done he told me he was done for good. About a year later I found pills that he swore were for anxiety and I didn't think twice of what he told me. I started noticing more and more money being withdrawn from our accounts which I thought was odd since we use our cards for everything but he always had an excuse where the money was going. Then about 3 months ago I was in the bathroom and noticed his sock was on the shelf. I grabbed it thinking it needed to go in the laundry but them was a bunch of needles inside. I was so mad and hurt and felt so stupid for not seeing it before. He had told me he got addicted to the pills again and that he was trying to get off. So I threw everything away. A month later I found more needles and suboxone. I had asked him about it and he lied to my face saying he was still clean until I showed him the needles then he came clean and explained to me what suboxone was and that he was going to taper off that. So here I am another month later and he started detoxing from the the suboxone. Tomorrow will be day 3 and I'm struggling.
I've researched the suboxone withdrawals, why he would even inject it, and basically just learning about it. Today was rough for both of us. We haven't said much to each other mainly I don't want to say something to upset him since he's so in edge. He said I can't even touch him because his skin feels like it's crawling and hurts so bad. He can't get comfortable and is just angry. He warned me the next week is going to be worse. I want to be here for him but I don't know how or what to expect. I've been crying (in a different room) because I'm just so mad at him for even putting us here, upset at myself for not catching it when it started, upset from reading other peoples stories of being with addicts and their struggles about loved ones relapse and how their kids are messed up because of it. I don't want this for my future. I want to be with him and support him but I want a happy life. Is it possible? I feel so alone and I can't sleep and he moved to another room to sleep, will this get better or can anyone relate?
My boyfriend that I have been with for three years . He is a (or was?) a recovery herion addict. When we first met he just got out of jail and had detoxed when he was in there. I've been by his side through probation and court and I supported him while he was going to NA. He got really involved in the program and graduated out of his probation program. one day he told he didn't want to go to Na anymore. Naturally I supported his decision. He started smoking pot and drinking again which he swore he was fine with. Maybe 6 months later he went to the dentist and had all his wisdom teeth pulled which the doctor prescribed him pain pills that was an opiate. I told him he shouldn't take them but he insisted he needed them. Once the bottle was done he told me he was done for good. About a year later I found pills that he swore were for anxiety and I didn't think twice of what he told me. I started noticing more and more money being withdrawn from our accounts which I thought was odd since we use our cards for everything but he always had an excuse where the money was going. Then about 3 months ago I was in the bathroom and noticed his sock was on the shelf. I grabbed it thinking it needed to go in the laundry but them was a bunch of needles inside. I was so mad and hurt and felt so stupid for not seeing it before. He had told me he got addicted to the pills again and that he was trying to get off. So I threw everything away. A month later I found more needles and suboxone. I had asked him about it and he lied to my face saying he was still clean until I showed him the needles then he came clean and explained to me what suboxone was and that he was going to taper off that. So here I am another month later and he started detoxing from the the suboxone. Tomorrow will be day 3 and I'm struggling.
I've researched the suboxone withdrawals, why he would even inject it, and basically just learning about it. Today was rough for both of us. We haven't said much to each other mainly I don't want to say something to upset him since he's so in edge. He said I can't even touch him because his skin feels like it's crawling and hurts so bad. He can't get comfortable and is just angry. He warned me the next week is going to be worse. I want to be here for him but I don't know how or what to expect. I've been crying (in a different room) because I'm just so mad at him for even putting us here, upset at myself for not catching it when it started, upset from reading other peoples stories of being with addicts and their struggles about loved ones relapse and how their kids are messed up because of it. I don't want this for my future. I want to be with him and support him but I want a happy life. Is it possible? I feel so alone and I can't sleep and he moved to another room to sleep, will this get better or can anyone relate?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Dani, thanks for posting. Welcome to SR. It is OK to be upset and disappointed.
When I heard about Phillip Seymour Hoffman, I focused on the fact his partner and the kids were living apart from him. He had access to the best rehab and resources and he lost the battle. His partner had to live separately for the kids to have a safe haven.
You deserve a safe haven.
When I heard about Phillip Seymour Hoffman, I focused on the fact his partner and the kids were living apart from him. He had access to the best rehab and resources and he lost the battle. His partner had to live separately for the kids to have a safe haven.
You deserve a safe haven.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 180
Glad you found us!
While my situation is different, I can tell you that it is also the same in that you and I didn't cause our loved one to become addicted. We can't control their using, and we can only make choices for 1 person - ourselves.
Some simple things that might help you get through today:
If you had known sooner, you still wouldn't have been able to stop his using.
There isn't anything wrong with you.
He is not doing this TO you.
You can choose if you want to go through this withdrawl.
Keep reading and posting, you are among friends here.
While my situation is different, I can tell you that it is also the same in that you and I didn't cause our loved one to become addicted. We can't control their using, and we can only make choices for 1 person - ourselves.
Some simple things that might help you get through today:
If you had known sooner, you still wouldn't have been able to stop his using.
There isn't anything wrong with you.
He is not doing this TO you.
You can choose if you want to go through this withdrawl.
Keep reading and posting, you are among friends here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR......this is a place for support.....but you may read some things that you don't want to hear. I hope everyone will ease you in gradually and you'll keep an open mind. Take what you need for now and store the rest.
Dealing with addiction is a lifelong issue. It doesn't go away. My son would say that while he was in a meeting, his addiction was out in the parking lot doing knuckle push-ups. It's a battle....for the addict.......but it's also a battle for the loved ones. Each dealing with their own fears, anguish, and confusion about addiction.
"Is it possible to support him yet have a happy life?" Yes. The answer to that question is simple. You didn't ask "is is probable to be able to support him yet have a happy life?" The answer to that would be......that depends. You didn't ask "will it be easy to support him yet have a happy life?" The answer to that would be.....No. See how a simple rewording of a question can result in very different answers? Often we have to work hard on ourselves to ensure we are supporting in appropriate ways and not enabling.
There's lots of good information in the stickies at the top of the forum. Take the time to educate yourself about addiction and codependence (even if you are not codependent....it's important to understand what it is).
You've taken a good first step for yourself. You've reached out for help. We're very big on self care around here.
Take care of you. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Dealing with addiction is a lifelong issue. It doesn't go away. My son would say that while he was in a meeting, his addiction was out in the parking lot doing knuckle push-ups. It's a battle....for the addict.......but it's also a battle for the loved ones. Each dealing with their own fears, anguish, and confusion about addiction.
"Is it possible to support him yet have a happy life?" Yes. The answer to that question is simple. You didn't ask "is is probable to be able to support him yet have a happy life?" The answer to that would be......that depends. You didn't ask "will it be easy to support him yet have a happy life?" The answer to that would be.....No. See how a simple rewording of a question can result in very different answers? Often we have to work hard on ourselves to ensure we are supporting in appropriate ways and not enabling.
There's lots of good information in the stickies at the top of the forum. Take the time to educate yourself about addiction and codependence (even if you are not codependent....it's important to understand what it is).
You've taken a good first step for yourself. You've reached out for help. We're very big on self care around here.
Take care of you. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Hi and welcome. I know how hard this is. I too am coming up on my three year anniversary with my agf. She was in recovery when we met. And the past two years have been relapse after relapse. It is scary, frustrating, and like nothing I've experienced. Her DOC IS heroin as well. I have come to know opiates are a beast. I've learned so much, ignored advice, thought my addict was different. But all the wise folks here have been pretty spot on with what this roller coaster looks like. We are going to live separately for a while now. After this last bout of lies and relapse I woke up and said that's enough. I have to work on ME and her on HER. I have major codie issues, else I suspect I would have walked the other way in the beginning. Stick around, we are here to walk with you. And remember to only take what you like and leave the rest. Hugs.
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