Hi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
Hi
Hi,
I have not had a day off since before christmas. I can't remember what it feels like to either not be hungover or drunk.
I am so used to it I am scared of what might happen if I don't drink for a day.
I have kept this hidden from everyone but it is starting to affect my relationships, which are slowly dwindling because of my erratic behavior.
I don't/can't talk to anyone about it as I don't want to bother them with my problems.
Each day I am determined not to drink but find myself going and buying some, having convinced myself it would be ok at some point in the evening.
I've always been honest to myself about this but now I feel like I'm in a room with no doors or windows to escape out of.
I feel no better writing this. It's very frustrating! I have given up smoking and lost huge amounts of weight so I know I can be strong about things but I feel lost with this issue.
Should I go to a doctor? How can they help?
I have not had a day off since before christmas. I can't remember what it feels like to either not be hungover or drunk.
I am so used to it I am scared of what might happen if I don't drink for a day.
I have kept this hidden from everyone but it is starting to affect my relationships, which are slowly dwindling because of my erratic behavior.
I don't/can't talk to anyone about it as I don't want to bother them with my problems.
Each day I am determined not to drink but find myself going and buying some, having convinced myself it would be ok at some point in the evening.
I've always been honest to myself about this but now I feel like I'm in a room with no doors or windows to escape out of.
I feel no better writing this. It's very frustrating! I have given up smoking and lost huge amounts of weight so I know I can be strong about things but I feel lost with this issue.
Should I go to a doctor? How can they help?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Howdy and welcome.
many were where you are at right now. This reaching out for answers as you have now may come in many forms, for me is I looked at the phone book, then saw AA, Alcoholics Anonymous listed.
When I rang and spoke with another recovered person, we understood the language, the person on the phone had been through a similar phase during their drinking times, but 20 years prior.
I hope what I have just said leads you to that door, to a AA meeting and there I hope you will find those who have been through what you are going through and recover.
There is hope, just reach for the phone and call AA in your area.
That's been my experience.
Please keep coming back here and lets us know how you go.
many were where you are at right now. This reaching out for answers as you have now may come in many forms, for me is I looked at the phone book, then saw AA, Alcoholics Anonymous listed.
When I rang and spoke with another recovered person, we understood the language, the person on the phone had been through a similar phase during their drinking times, but 20 years prior.
I hope what I have just said leads you to that door, to a AA meeting and there I hope you will find those who have been through what you are going through and recover.
There is hope, just reach for the phone and call AA in your area.
That's been my experience.
Please keep coming back here and lets us know how you go.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi looking4help, welcome to SR where you'll find lots of people who have lived what you're going through. There is an escape from alcohol dependence if you're determined to find it. I did, and so did lots of others in SR.
I lasted a long time at the stage where I wanted to stop, but the car seemed to drive itself into the bottle shop of it's own accord. Every day.
My first step was to tell my doctor about how much I drank. It was surprisingly hard, and I recommend writing it down if you can't get the words out. My sister is a GP and says doctors much prefer it when patients are honest and they can talk about it openly. What can doctors do? Well mine gave me some tablets to reduce cravings but they had unpleasant side-effects and didn't work, so I stopped taking them. The way he helped me was to discuss treatment options and give me some idea about how alcohol would affect my health in the long run.
Once I had spoken to him, I started looking up information about alcoholism on the internet and that gave me an idea of the future if I kept drinking. It took about a month to build up the motivation, but I've now been sober for 23 months. I won't go back.
I hope this has been some help; everyone has a different story and I'm sure you'll hear from others about what worked for them. I recommend reading the 'stickies' at the top of this forum for ideas on coping with cravings and breaking habits.
I lasted a long time at the stage where I wanted to stop, but the car seemed to drive itself into the bottle shop of it's own accord. Every day.
My first step was to tell my doctor about how much I drank. It was surprisingly hard, and I recommend writing it down if you can't get the words out. My sister is a GP and says doctors much prefer it when patients are honest and they can talk about it openly. What can doctors do? Well mine gave me some tablets to reduce cravings but they had unpleasant side-effects and didn't work, so I stopped taking them. The way he helped me was to discuss treatment options and give me some idea about how alcohol would affect my health in the long run.
Once I had spoken to him, I started looking up information about alcoholism on the internet and that gave me an idea of the future if I kept drinking. It took about a month to build up the motivation, but I've now been sober for 23 months. I won't go back.
I hope this has been some help; everyone has a different story and I'm sure you'll hear from others about what worked for them. I recommend reading the 'stickies' at the top of this forum for ideas on coping with cravings and breaking habits.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi and welcome Looking4Help 
many of us, myself included, have been where you are, so there's lots of support here.
A Dr can help by checking you over and making sure that your detox will be a safe one.
Detox can be troublesome for some of us.
They may give you meds to help with or they may recommend a medically supervised detox in a facility.
Even if they recommend this, it's up to you whether you go or not.
They may know of local support programmes, counselling and rehab programmes too. Again the choice is yours.
Have you tried to quit before at all?
D
many of us, myself included, have been where you are, so there's lots of support here.
A Dr can help by checking you over and making sure that your detox will be a safe one.
Detox can be troublesome for some of us.
They may give you meds to help with or they may recommend a medically supervised detox in a facility.
Even if they recommend this, it's up to you whether you go or not.
They may know of local support programmes, counselling and rehab programmes too. Again the choice is yours.
Have you tried to quit before at all?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 50
Hi, Looking4Help. I will be at 4 weeks sober tomorrow. I was at the same place as you only 4 weeks ago. I can't give you medical advice, but I have read that drinking every day can create some significant withdrawal. My first few days were bad, not as bad as I anticipated, but I did ask someone to stay with me in the event I were to have a seizure. I didn't, and actually their presence seemed to make me want to drink more! But, I do think if you aren't getting medical treatment, you will want to be open with someone and build in that safety factor of having access to help if needed.
I found it interesting that although I had suicidal thoughts, once I wanted to try to stop drinking I was afraid of a seizure. That isn't death, but that had me sooooo worried. Guess it shows I still cared a bit about myself.
Today was my first day posting, but I have visited this board so many times during these last few weeks. You will be amazed at how the more you read here, the easier you can see yourself going that first day without drinking. My first week, I journaled. I haven't really needed to since then, but I wrote furiously a few days. I bought sparkling grape juices and such to mimic some of the sensation I got from drinking wine. Flavored seltzer water has become my go-to. I have even mixed a little grapefruit juice with it and added grenadine. You can make some substitutions, that NO, don't take the craving away, but makes it easier to handle. Maybe your drinks were beer--maybe seltzer in a can would help? You will have to find what works for you. Once I stopped all the sparkling ciders, etc...it seems I like ice cream now. I think it is my body wanting the sugar.
I lost my job 1 week into trying to stop my drinking. My boyfriend also moved out and I am losing my house because I can't pay for it on one income...and now I don't even have mine. So, my point is that we are much stronger than we ever think we can be. Don't allow this to destroy more relationships. Don't allow it to ruin your self esteem because you start performing poorly at work. Or you drink before going to a work function, so you can pretend you are stopping when you have two drinks there. Have you done that? I have. I have cut visits with my family short, too, because they didn't drink. I knew my witching hour would creep up if I stayed longer and I was more interested in getting home to my bottle than spending quality time with them.
Pick a day and try to get through that day. You have already written to this great group of supporters and I have read over the weeks just how supportive they are to everyone. If you don't trust a friend, then tell your doctor. I had an old prescription of Klonopin and I'm certain that helped my worst symptoms. Your doctor would be able to possibly make the transition easier for you.
Just know this group cares. You know, I could mess up tomorrow, but I if I did, I would come right back here. I think there is so much to be gained from being here and knowing you aren't alone. Others have been where you are, felt like you do, feared just like you, and they have made it day by day.
Hugs!!
But, I do think if you aren't getting medical treatment, you will want to be open with someone and build in that safety factor of having access to help if needed. I found it interesting that although I had suicidal thoughts, once I wanted to try to stop drinking I was afraid of a seizure. That isn't death, but that had me sooooo worried. Guess it shows I still cared a bit about myself.
Today was my first day posting, but I have visited this board so many times during these last few weeks. You will be amazed at how the more you read here, the easier you can see yourself going that first day without drinking. My first week, I journaled. I haven't really needed to since then, but I wrote furiously a few days. I bought sparkling grape juices and such to mimic some of the sensation I got from drinking wine. Flavored seltzer water has become my go-to. I have even mixed a little grapefruit juice with it and added grenadine. You can make some substitutions, that NO, don't take the craving away, but makes it easier to handle. Maybe your drinks were beer--maybe seltzer in a can would help? You will have to find what works for you. Once I stopped all the sparkling ciders, etc...it seems I like ice cream now. I think it is my body wanting the sugar.
I lost my job 1 week into trying to stop my drinking. My boyfriend also moved out and I am losing my house because I can't pay for it on one income...and now I don't even have mine. So, my point is that we are much stronger than we ever think we can be. Don't allow this to destroy more relationships. Don't allow it to ruin your self esteem because you start performing poorly at work. Or you drink before going to a work function, so you can pretend you are stopping when you have two drinks there. Have you done that? I have. I have cut visits with my family short, too, because they didn't drink. I knew my witching hour would creep up if I stayed longer and I was more interested in getting home to my bottle than spending quality time with them.
Pick a day and try to get through that day. You have already written to this great group of supporters and I have read over the weeks just how supportive they are to everyone. If you don't trust a friend, then tell your doctor. I had an old prescription of Klonopin and I'm certain that helped my worst symptoms. Your doctor would be able to possibly make the transition easier for you.
Just know this group cares. You know, I could mess up tomorrow, but I if I did, I would come right back here. I think there is so much to be gained from being here and knowing you aren't alone. Others have been where you are, felt like you do, feared just like you, and they have made it day by day.
Hugs!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Findtheanswer, what a beautiful inspiring post for your first post. You are very brave and obviously have found your inner strength. Well done you. I hope that good things start coming across your path, you deserve them. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 50
Thank you, Goldcoast. That wasn't my first post, but today is my first day posting. I may be going overboard. It is nice to have some company.
I really like your quote. I am always saying I am broken. We tend to see broken things as something we can toss away. Useless. The idea of being in need of healing is a much more compassionate approach.
It is nice to have some company. I really like your quote. I am always saying I am broken. We tend to see broken things as something we can toss away. Useless. The idea of being in need of healing is a much more compassionate approach.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
Hi all thank you for such thoughtful and caring replies. They are all hitting home pretty hard as I realise where I am at right now.
FindtheAnswer thank you so much for your reply I have already read it a few times and will probably do so a few more before bed tonight.
FindtheAnswer thank you so much for your reply I have already read it a few times and will probably do so a few more before bed tonight.
RaleighSoxFan
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 105
This was me to a capital T. I worked 70 hours a week. My wife left me cause I was drinking too much. 7 days a week I would work and 7 nights a week I would get trashed by myself. I didnt make it to bed for 6 weeks, passing out on the couch nightly. I was so tired and the routine was like being in prison or jail. Then I actually went to jail for yet another dwi. Jail was actually better than the prison of my couch and alcoholism. I'm out after 3 weeks in jail (family let me sit there this time) 1 week home and I face jail time and severe penalties, but I am happy and sober and u can be to. Make a choice to live sober, if you have to find a better job. Or take time off if you can. Get help, you r courageous for coming here. Those on this site will listen.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 50
I have slept most nights on the couch only to wake around 3am and go to bed. What is really disconcerting is that I stopped even making my bed up all the way. Complete laziness seems to have taken control. Many, many times have slept on just the mattress pad with a blanket, no pillow case on the pillow. I have lost all motivation. Maybe I am depressed. I'm embarrassed because where I'm at, and especially with losing my job, I am not far from how homeless people sleep. I'm not drinking, but I am still not "right".
Looking4Help, I am truly humbled that anything I wrote made a difference. I waited and read a long time before ever posting. Mainly because I couldn't believe that anyone else was really like me. I felt like such a horrible person. I should "know better", right? I shouldn't have ever let it get this bad. Well, it IS this bad. I think being able to admit it in a supportive place is part of the healing.
Looking4Help, I am truly humbled that anything I wrote made a difference. I waited and read a long time before ever posting. Mainly because I couldn't believe that anyone else was really like me. I felt like such a horrible person. I should "know better", right? I shouldn't have ever let it get this bad. Well, it IS this bad. I think being able to admit it in a supportive place is part of the healing.
RaleighSoxFan
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 105
You are progressing exactly how a lot of us do FTA. Your stories help us as ours do you. Btw, I was worried of homelessness as well. I also told my family and wife before she left that I was concerned I would OD on alcohol. Everyday was the same for 2 months. From there to now is an amazing difference. I'm only 24 days in. Yes its hard. But its tough cause its worth it. Anything worth it is worth fighting for! U r worth it! So fight for yourself! Welcome to the site, and thank you for sharing. This struck close to home. Best of luck, u found a great home.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
Forghetti I have done very similar things and can remember feeling like I was locked up in my lounge, alone, wife and kids gone, friendless, total loss of finances. Total hopelessness.
FindtheAnswer I have also "pre loaded" before going to stay with my folks so I only needed only or 2 drinks there and also done similar things with work and other social functions. My sleeping arrangements are similar, waking and going from couch to bed in the wee hours. The Doctor will be able to assess if you are depressed. They give you a survey to do and talk to you about it. I was on anti-depressents up until last year. They are very effective at adjusting that chemical imbalance in your brain. I was so proud to be off them but now I think I guess I should not have. One bad thing for me with them was they allowed me to be more of a "happy drunk" so I actually drunk more when on them.
Tonight what I think I'll do is go to gym late, then when I get out of gym all the bottle shops will be closed so I can't get any. Worth a shot I guess.
FindtheAnswer I have also "pre loaded" before going to stay with my folks so I only needed only or 2 drinks there and also done similar things with work and other social functions. My sleeping arrangements are similar, waking and going from couch to bed in the wee hours. The Doctor will be able to assess if you are depressed. They give you a survey to do and talk to you about it. I was on anti-depressents up until last year. They are very effective at adjusting that chemical imbalance in your brain. I was so proud to be off them but now I think I guess I should not have. One bad thing for me with them was they allowed me to be more of a "happy drunk" so I actually drunk more when on them.
Tonight what I think I'll do is go to gym late, then when I get out of gym all the bottle shops will be closed so I can't get any. Worth a shot I guess.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 50
I have taken antidepressants about 10 years ago for severe depression. I feel they also increased my drinking. I am afraid to go back on them. They also made me gain weight and I'm already up 30lbs from prednisone. I am petite, so that 30lbs isn't good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
Hi everyone I thought I would give an update.
Although I tried very hard last night I ended up getting some ciders. But I only had two then soldiered on into a very restless night without taking more. With some classic symptoms of withdrawal.
Woke up this morning for the first time in a few months without a hangover.
So, although I still drank I am going to pat myself on the back for not going crazy with it as I would normally just drink it all till its gone, getting beyond the reasoning limit, then going and buying more.
I realise that here everyone has so many days and weeks being sober I have a very long way to go but if I can go from 20 in a night to 2 in a night I can then have just ONE DAY off it I can say to myself if one is possible then so is 2! So I am going to keep working at it.
This is an amazing site. I am so grateful for it. I read for many hours and it really helped.
Although I tried very hard last night I ended up getting some ciders. But I only had two then soldiered on into a very restless night without taking more. With some classic symptoms of withdrawal.
Woke up this morning for the first time in a few months without a hangover.
So, although I still drank I am going to pat myself on the back for not going crazy with it as I would normally just drink it all till its gone, getting beyond the reasoning limit, then going and buying more.
I realise that here everyone has so many days and weeks being sober I have a very long way to go but if I can go from 20 in a night to 2 in a night I can then have just ONE DAY off it I can say to myself if one is possible then so is 2! So I am going to keep working at it.
This is an amazing site. I am so grateful for it. I read for many hours and it really helped.
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