needingabreak

My son is home trying to get off the drugs AGAIN. We thought he was doing well. He isn't. He has relapsed and wanted to come home to get away from the drugs at the house he was staying at and he is going to see a doctor at a place tomorrow about possibly going on Subutex or another blocker.
He doesn't seem to have any faith which is very upsetting to me.
I pray every night and day for him to get clean.
I feel most people who get clean have to have faith. he says meeting do not help at all.
I am so so tired of crying over this kid (man) and want a break.
Of course we are supposed to fly out to see my parents next week. My dad is coughing a lot (smokes and had lung cancer previously) and sounds exhausted from my mother's care and neediness so I feel like I really need to get down there to check on them.
I work very hard at keeping a life for myself, husband and other kids and do not focus on him exclusively. I feel at times I just want out. I am so sick of this happening over and over. Why is it so darn hard to say no after he had 60 days clean?? Why did he have to go back after almost getting arrested? Does it take death for him to stop? I want to tell him to suck it up and say no but I know that it is not that easy. Please just keep my family in your prayers. I feel it is all that works.
Im sorry for the rant. I am just so tired. I have no one else to say this to.

LoveMeNow

(((NeedingAbreak)))

You, your son and your family are in my prayers.

needingabreak

Thank you so much Lovemenow!

Ann

Please don't waste as many years as I did trying to fix what is not ours to fix...you will wear yourself out trying.

Take care of yourself right now, you have a lot going on emotionally with your dad and your other kids need you too. Take care of you first.

Keeping you all in my prayers.

hugs

Kindeyes

It is hard......I understand exactly what you are saying.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs from another Mom
ke

Txhelp

I understand...we understand! So exhausting and so illogical at times.

He has other options, other then your home.

Sober living....perhaps he should be looking into a home with other folks in recovery. Whatever he does, he needs to decide. Just as you need to decide that you are ALSO important and so are your other family members.

Take care of you. Set those boundaries. You have been there before....our loved ones (addicts) seem to set us back when they are around.

lizwig

Sending you prayers for strength and grace. I'm another mom who relates so easily to all your "why's??!" So discouraging...BUT... It's not up to us to make it easy for them. I believe they view it as a safety net of sorts...don't really need to commit because we'll catch them before they hit the ground. I will also include your son in my prayers. I hope he follows through with his desire for recovery. For your sake, and his. Big hug to you tonight.

Twofish

Hi Needingabreak, I really like and agree to what Lizwig said. I, too, was (am) sick of the never ending, constant wondering, if my children (adult children) are going to fall...when they text me, what are they going to say about their sobriety? Still there? So, they are Sick of being sick? Ok, that's a good start, as my mind is saying "why?", again.
My AD went from Oxys to heroin to Methadone and now is starting Suboxone.
Will this be the one that gives her the peace and strength and the tools to advance her sobriety to last longer than a few months? I'm not even going to guess...but I will have hope, always, I will have hope.
Many good and hopeful thoughts and of course prayers coming your way tonight.
Don't forget to take care of yourself! TF

Lovenjoy

Hi needingabreak - so sorry you are dealing with this. Another mom here and I know how heartbreaking it is to watch them fight this godawful disease. Are you doing alanon or counseling for yourself? It wasn't until I came here and listened to those who have gone before me that I even considered taking care of myself! How sad is that!?

Since I have begun taking care of me I am finding some peace. And a side affect of being more at peace is that I no longer feed his chaos. And though this isn't why I'm so diligent in working on myself, I am seeing the changes in me are helping him. That part is hard to explain and I don't analyze it because it's not mine. But I do see a change in his attitude towards recovery since I am no longer engaging directly where I don't belong. And if he falls I now have the tools to keep from becoming the mess I was just weeks ago.

I'm clearer and calmer and am learning to set boudaries and keep them. I ask for help, and get it from some amazing people both here and elsewhere. I take pleasure in all that is right in my life instead of making his problem the center of my existence. I'm happier. I'm not telling you this for any reason other than I am amazed at the healing and growth that has happened for me in a really very short time. You and your whole family are in my prayers.

I just thought of something someone told me years ago when my son was only 13 and I had so many fears for him. This person looked at me and said 'You know how much you love your son? Well, God loves him more.' I needed to remember that just now. Letting go and letting God might be easier now because your post brought me to that memory! That's the magic of sharing our troubles. Thank you and keep posting. You are giving me strength.

Vale

needingabreak wrote:

Im sorry for the rant. I am just so tired. I have no one else to say this to.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>
Never be sorry, that's what we're here for.
We ALL are tired of this horrid crap.
We will always be here when you have something to say.

Fandy

nabreak, please listen to Ann...you are in my thoughts, hoping your parents and you have a good peaceful visit,.
It is hard, but you have to let go, just let them go... and find their own way...they suck out all of your energy.

needingabreak

Thank you so much for all the support, words of wisdom and prayers. I had been doing well until last night. I think with everything going on with my parents, we thought my dog was going to have to be put down last weekend (vet thought she might have a brain tumor, now we think it was Lyme's) and finding out my son relapsed AGAIN just threw me over the edge. I prayed a lot last night for God to take it on (I usually do this and feel very peaceful) and to help me let go again and get back to living my own life. Everything all of you said hit a chord and has helped put me back where I need to be but both Fandy and TX hit the nail on the head-they do suck the life out of us AND yes I feel a set back with him here. He was in sober living before, after his rehab but it cost 800.00, that is 800 he doesn't have right now. I know he wants to stop and he is sick of living like this. I will do until I feel it is too much and he will have to leave. Both my husband and I talked at length last night and we both agreed we are letting him figure it out on his own. We told him he does drugs and he's out period. If he stays off them he can stay but only for a limited time. Thanks again everyone for your help. I don't know what I would do without all your support.

Fandy

Caring for anyone will drain your energy, it just plain wears you down with the emotions and the stress, it affects both your emotional and physical health.

Sometimes you need to prioritize. Your son can better make his own decisions (and learn from them), but your parents are more frail and have probably given you so much, you want to give back and help them. down the road, you will be glad you spent time to be with them.

needingabreak

Kind of chuckling at this Fandy because actually I have had deep resentments toward my mother and father (my mother more so) in the past but have always loved them and treated them well and with respect no matter what. My mother was a very selfish woman (and still is!) who felt being a parent was always getting in the way of what she wanted to do but my sister and I were great for doing all the chores and being sent off to do whatever errand she was too lazy to do. MY dad pretended everything was fine and turned his head. Either way, I have always taken care of them and been there for both of them and love them dearly no matter what. Thanks for the laugh though! It did make me smile.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello Need, another Mom who watched my son detox too many times to count. A lot of time in early detox, all that comes out of their mouth is negativity, they are NOT feeling the effects of the opiates and it turns them into negative, sad and hopeless. Good news is... This too shall pass. I am sending you my prayers for both your son, your dog and your family.
Hugs,
Teresa