Lyricchi

Well, I drank again. I used to listen to speakers in meetings talk about how hard it was to get sober again after relapse and I thought they were speaking about strictly the physical aspect, but after this eighteen month merry go round since having just one beer, I think it's the mental anguish that makes it so hard. Anyway. I drank on Friday, after three months and exactly one meeting. I resolved to stop on Saturday and went to a meeting that night, came to work this morning and have been fantasizing about a drink for five hours. So I'm trying simmering new and checking out SR BEFORE I drink, not after I go out..
Thanks for your posts, they help me a lot.

SeaScape

It is a vicious cycle but you can stop. Don't drink today. Hang out here and~or go to a MTG. You can do it just don't drink today. Focus on today.

shay17

Morning !

That first drink is what we idealize, what we desire, but it's rarely EVER just ONE.

Fast forward the tape to how you'll feel afterwards, tomorrow, etc. drinking will take you farther away from the safety of the shore (sobriety). That's how I now think of it. Do I want to be lost and tangled in the power of the bottomless ocean (my addiction) or basking in the sun's glow, safely on shore? This addiction will always be right there, waiting for us to take just 2 steps in but it swiftly pulls us in and we never know when we might not make it back.

It's just not worth the risk anymore in my opinion. I'm tired of fighting. Fed up with being seduced by the illusion that is alcohol.

It may take longer to get back after relapse, but I hope you enjoy the serenity of sobriety (though its not a cake walk!) over the tumultuous suffering and despair of being caught up the deep waters of addiction after that 'one drink'.

Good luck and have a beautiful day!

doggonecarl

When I first quit there was some element of fear in keeping me sober. I was scared that if I relapsed I might not get back to recovery. But that was in the beginning. It's been over three and a half years since my last drink. What's kept me sober is that I love being sober.

Put down the drink and embrace a sober life. Embrace sobriety, don't resent it.

Anna

I agree with you. I think it's the mental anguish that is the hardest to deal with. Each time, I intended to stop and didn't, I began to feel worse about myself and farther away from my goal. I am so grateful that I managed to step out of that cycle and stop drinking.

I'm glad you are doing things a bit differently this time.

FreeOwl

yep... I made that decision that I was "OK... just needed a break" and it went just fine for a little while. Then it took over a year and a half to break out of the cycle that got even worse, really fast. And it was all mental. Not at all about physical addiction.

You can do it though!!

Keep on the sober path, surround yourself with recovery plans, keep coming here, get to some meetings, make some positive changes and - step at a time - it will get WAYYYY bettter!

2bhappier

The mental part is absolutely the worst for me. Keep posting today and get the support you need.

Lyricchi

Thanks, everyone. Every break I grab, I come read this. Going to a mtg right!

Gazza

Thanks for the post Im trying to come here first as well. Keeps the focus.
Be well
G

bllit

i feel your pain we can do it i'm very sacred right now myself.