trying again (in several ways!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
trying again (in several ways!)
Hello to you all.
I am Mark.
Well, after several weeks of lurking I decided to join. I spent about an hour or so composing a first post, detailing my reasons for coming here.Then I pressed 'Post' and there was an issue with my newly acquired log-in and my words disappeared into the ether! Oh well, I have decided to see the funny side!
So I am trying again, and that is what my post is about too. I am 38 and have been a problem drinker since I was about 15. It has changed and morphed over the years depending on my circumstances but the constant has been my inability to put the brakes on once I get going. At my worst I drank everyday and used a lot of street drugs too, but I quit those quite easily at about 22 when I started my first 'proper job'. But the drinking has been more complex. Now, a father, I find that I am drinking as little as I ever have since I started but the problem feels worse. I currently drink one night per week as a rule. If this is at home it will be one or two beers. If I go out with old buddies then at best I will have a couple more than i should; at worst I will drink until 3 or 4 am at friends' houses..and smoke cigarettes too even though they repulse me sober! On those nights I might drink 10 pints and a bottle of wine and these days the hangovers are terrible- they last days and invariably involve sickness. When I was drinking much more 5 or 6 years ago, I rarely got a serious hangover and was never sick. Now I endure about one such horror every 4-5 weeks and the psychological fallout is horrible.
I come from a drinking culture. We all played rugby and worked in industrial jobs and everyone did it- and lots of it. My friends and family still do though mainly they have get more sensible over the years. Sometimes I stop drinking for a month or two. I always feel great but my sobriety seems to trouble others around me, as though my abstinence is a judgement about their drinking. In some ways perhaps it is. Anyway,as silly as it sounds I end up choosing to have a drink to put others at their ease...or maybe that is just a rationalization...
Anyway i have decided to commit to month of abstinence but this time to invest in a sober life, not just hang on looking forward to a pint at the end of it. I have a great wife and smashing son, an interesting and rewarding job and much to enjoy. I am not making any judgments about the long term. I still find it hard to imagine relating to lifelong friends and even family without alcohol being in the picture and I am not sure how I will negotiate that but Rome wasn't built in a day as they say.
For now a sober month and some clear thinking will do for me as a good start.
I will only be able to check in here a couple of times a week so please don't think me ignorant if t takes a while to respond to any messages or posts.I have joined this forum because I value the honest and hard won wisdom I have seen from members and really,I just want to know I am talking to folk who understand as you clearly do.
So, hello and thanks for having me! I am on day 2 by the way
Best wishes
Mark
I am Mark.
Well, after several weeks of lurking I decided to join. I spent about an hour or so composing a first post, detailing my reasons for coming here.Then I pressed 'Post' and there was an issue with my newly acquired log-in and my words disappeared into the ether! Oh well, I have decided to see the funny side!
So I am trying again, and that is what my post is about too. I am 38 and have been a problem drinker since I was about 15. It has changed and morphed over the years depending on my circumstances but the constant has been my inability to put the brakes on once I get going. At my worst I drank everyday and used a lot of street drugs too, but I quit those quite easily at about 22 when I started my first 'proper job'. But the drinking has been more complex. Now, a father, I find that I am drinking as little as I ever have since I started but the problem feels worse. I currently drink one night per week as a rule. If this is at home it will be one or two beers. If I go out with old buddies then at best I will have a couple more than i should; at worst I will drink until 3 or 4 am at friends' houses..and smoke cigarettes too even though they repulse me sober! On those nights I might drink 10 pints and a bottle of wine and these days the hangovers are terrible- they last days and invariably involve sickness. When I was drinking much more 5 or 6 years ago, I rarely got a serious hangover and was never sick. Now I endure about one such horror every 4-5 weeks and the psychological fallout is horrible.
I come from a drinking culture. We all played rugby and worked in industrial jobs and everyone did it- and lots of it. My friends and family still do though mainly they have get more sensible over the years. Sometimes I stop drinking for a month or two. I always feel great but my sobriety seems to trouble others around me, as though my abstinence is a judgement about their drinking. In some ways perhaps it is. Anyway,as silly as it sounds I end up choosing to have a drink to put others at their ease...or maybe that is just a rationalization...
Anyway i have decided to commit to month of abstinence but this time to invest in a sober life, not just hang on looking forward to a pint at the end of it. I have a great wife and smashing son, an interesting and rewarding job and much to enjoy. I am not making any judgments about the long term. I still find it hard to imagine relating to lifelong friends and even family without alcohol being in the picture and I am not sure how I will negotiate that but Rome wasn't built in a day as they say.
For now a sober month and some clear thinking will do for me as a good start.
I will only be able to check in here a couple of times a week so please don't think me ignorant if t takes a while to respond to any messages or posts.I have joined this forum because I value the honest and hard won wisdom I have seen from members and really,I just want to know I am talking to folk who understand as you clearly do.
So, hello and thanks for having me! I am on day 2 by the way
Best wishes
Mark
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Originally Posted by wonderingbill 
Sometimes I stop drinking for a month or two. I always feel great but my sobriety seems to trouble others around me, as though my abstinence is a judgement about their drinking. In some ways perhaps it is. Anyway,as silly as it sounds I end up choosing to have a drink to put others at their ease...or maybe that is just a rationalization...
Early recovery is a time when we usually have to make some tough decisions. One of the things I had to do was to learn how to say 'No'. It wasn't easy for me, but it was essential to my recovery. It sounds like you need to make some decisions about the people in your life and how to make your recovery a success. I hope you find that when you reach your month sober, you will decide to continue.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Welcome Mark. Alcoholism comes in many sizes and is considered quite progressive. Many are daily drinkers and some are periodic with a lot in between. Had you given thought about how important it really is for you to drink? Is it so important to make your child fatherless? Loss of your job, home, wife, respect of yourself and on and on?
It starts to get better by not picking up the first drink so we don't have to get sober again. It's simple though not always easy for many. Read these pages and try to realize that "this can happen to me too" real easily if drinking continues.
BE WELL
It starts to get better by not picking up the first drink so we don't have to get sober again. It's simple though not always easy for many. Read these pages and try to realize that "this can happen to me too" real easily if drinking continues.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
' Is it so important to make your child fatherless? Loss of your job, home, wife, respect of yourself and on and on?'
wow, pretty blunt question IOAA2 but appreciated. No, of course I don't see it as that important but I find myself minimising the negative aspects in my mind as long as enough time has passed since the last hangover of course!
I guess I need to be prepared to remind myself of thee worst of it all when deciding whether to have that first one.
Thanks a lot for your candid contribution.
Mark
wow, pretty blunt question IOAA2 but appreciated. No, of course I don't see it as that important but I find myself minimising the negative aspects in my mind as long as enough time has passed since the last hangover of course!
I guess I need to be prepared to remind myself of thee worst of it all when deciding whether to have that first one.
Thanks a lot for your candid contribution.
Mark
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
Can I ask, what are your plans at the end of the month? Evaluate your relationship with alcohol? Implement yet another drinking strategy that will return us to "normal" drinkers?
For myself, maybe it was pretty clear I needed to stop for good. I had tried all the short-term respites, all the attempts at moderate drinking. I was sliding down the hill of alcoholism like an avalanche and had one option remaining. Utter and complete sobriety. I have accepted that I'll never drink again, and life has never been better.
Wish you well.
Originally Posted by wonderingbill
Anyway i have decided to commit to month of abstinence but this time to invest in a sober life, not just hang on looking forward to a pint at the end of it.
For myself, maybe it was pretty clear I needed to stop for good. I had tried all the short-term respites, all the attempts at moderate drinking. I was sliding down the hill of alcoholism like an avalanche and had one option remaining. Utter and complete sobriety. I have accepted that I'll never drink again, and life has never been better.
Wish you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
thanks doggonecarl
well, I don't really have a plan yet. since I am only a couple of days since the last big session, my thinking is very sketchy right now. I don't feel confident enough to talk about forever. At present a month feels attainable so I am going with that. As the month progresses and my thinking clarifies a bit I will take heed of the guidance of others here in deciding what to do next.
I guess that the fact that the volumes and frequency of my drinking have slowly decreased over the years throws me a bit. I don't see the inevitable slide and escalation in my life. I spend more time sober now and have smaller binges than at any almost time since I started. I have seen some friends who were heavy drinkers mature into social drinkers and some others haven't. I have been classing myself among those that will mature out of it....., but it was supposed to have happened by now! :-)
I just want to start my journey with a credible milestone - hence the month commitment.
Thanks again,much appreciated.
Pete
well, I don't really have a plan yet. since I am only a couple of days since the last big session, my thinking is very sketchy right now. I don't feel confident enough to talk about forever. At present a month feels attainable so I am going with that. As the month progresses and my thinking clarifies a bit I will take heed of the guidance of others here in deciding what to do next.
I guess that the fact that the volumes and frequency of my drinking have slowly decreased over the years throws me a bit. I don't see the inevitable slide and escalation in my life. I spend more time sober now and have smaller binges than at any almost time since I started. I have seen some friends who were heavy drinkers mature into social drinkers and some others haven't. I have been classing myself among those that will mature out of it....., but it was supposed to have happened by now! :-)
I just want to start my journey with a credible milestone - hence the month commitment.
Thanks again,much appreciated.
Pete
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Well, Mark or Pete or Bill??
Do you need something REALLY bad to happen to convince you that alcohol isn't 'necessary' for you to live a normal life? Would a DUI, accident, injury, divorce, fight, jail time or serious health issue convince you? With those quantities you mentioned, one or more of these things is a distinct possibility.
I appreciate your candor but you need to realize that drinking just to make your, so called, 'friends' feel comfortable about their own alcohol use is not logical. YOU need to do what is best for YOU and YOU alone.
With the responsibilities you have to your wife and son, I guarantee that a life w/o alcohol will be much more fulfilling, rewarding, satisfying and stable than the life of a drinker.
Congratulations on your decision for a sober month, it is a good start. I hope that when the month is up, you will take a serious look at the reasons you come up with to start drinking again. I suggest you also take a hard look at the reasons to stop..... for good!
Do you need something REALLY bad to happen to convince you that alcohol isn't 'necessary' for you to live a normal life? Would a DUI, accident, injury, divorce, fight, jail time or serious health issue convince you? With those quantities you mentioned, one or more of these things is a distinct possibility.
I appreciate your candor but you need to realize that drinking just to make your, so called, 'friends' feel comfortable about their own alcohol use is not logical. YOU need to do what is best for YOU and YOU alone.
With the responsibilities you have to your wife and son, I guarantee that a life w/o alcohol will be much more fulfilling, rewarding, satisfying and stable than the life of a drinker.
Congratulations on your decision for a sober month, it is a good start. I hope that when the month is up, you will take a serious look at the reasons you come up with to start drinking again. I suggest you also take a hard look at the reasons to stop..... for good!
SeaScape
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: California
Posts: 313
Hi there and welcome
Congratulations on your decision to join SR and take a closer look at your relationship with alcohol.
I am about the same age. I came here for a month of sobriety last year. My hope was to reset my drinking or get a handle on it...something like that. I had already cut my alcohol consumption by quite a bit.
Since then I realize abstinence is best. I was looking forward to a drink and I realized I was in this alcoholic frame of.mind and I just wanted to be FREE. I remembered a time when I didn't drink and I wanted that person and space back. It is very hard dealing with friends and family...but I do this for me. For my health and happiness.
Want to join the 24hour club? It is a daily commitment to nto drink.
Congratulations on your decision to join SR and take a closer look at your relationship with alcohol.
I am about the same age. I came here for a month of sobriety last year. My hope was to reset my drinking or get a handle on it...something like that. I had already cut my alcohol consumption by quite a bit.
Since then I realize abstinence is best. I was looking forward to a drink and I realized I was in this alcoholic frame of.mind and I just wanted to be FREE. I remembered a time when I didn't drink and I wanted that person and space back. It is very hard dealing with friends and family...but I do this for me. For my health and happiness.
Want to join the 24hour club? It is a daily commitment to nto drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I'll stick with 'WonderingBill' - welcome to SR 
I'm not sure a month is really long enough to evaluate 'sobriety', or the level of your problem.
I hope you'll decide to continue the experiment longer
D
I'm not sure a month is really long enough to evaluate 'sobriety', or the level of your problem.
I hope you'll decide to continue the experiment longer
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Welcome!
I joined SR a year ago when I was your age. After two weeks of sobriety, I set off to drink moderately.
Fast forward one year. After many failed attempts at moderation, as well as more black outs, pass outs, and hangovers than Incan count, and increasingly heavier and more frequent drinking, I returned to SR a month ago to quit for good.
It's not an easy road, but the past month has been rewarding in ways I never would have imagined.
Good luck!
I joined SR a year ago when I was your age. After two weeks of sobriety, I set off to drink moderately.
Fast forward one year. After many failed attempts at moderation, as well as more black outs, pass outs, and hangovers than Incan count, and increasingly heavier and more frequent drinking, I returned to SR a month ago to quit for good.
It's not an easy road, but the past month has been rewarding in ways I never would have imagined.
Good luck!
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