Catherine628

Says he wants to fly up here and check himself into rehab. First of all I'll believe it when I see it. I just feel nothing. He has really spiraled down again. I'm very close to being done with this mess. I'm not sure I have any hope left.

AnvilheadII

why can't he do rehab where he IS, one would have to wonder??

Hammer

jmho.

Yeah -- GET rid of the Hope stuff. Hope is where the pain comes from.

As far as Rehab or no or whatever. Sounds good. But that is not about or for you?

Does not involve you, either way, I guess?

Why is he coming to one near you? Is he trying to make his recovery drama about you or the kids? yeeecccchhh.

If they have a family program, maybe that would be something for you . . . but really you may already (T, Alanon, etc.) have better yourself.

Not like he is coming "home" to you all after Rehab, right?

Hawkeye13

I think you have given this man every possible chance.

Please please please do what is best for you and your daughters,
including not dealing with him in yet another rehab if that's how you feel.

What is going on legally? I don't want to sound mercenary, but you should try
to protect some of the assets from the marriage if at all possible for your daughter's future needs at the very least.

I must agree with Hammer--lower your expectations and don't get hurt anymore.
It needs to be about you and kids from now on.

You've come a long way--you can do this.

Catherine628

Not sure why he says he wants to come up here. When he drinks his brain turns to mush. It's possible he won't even remember the conversation. I have free legal consultations through my work. Think I will go. I've seen 3 different lawyers throughout this mess but the situation has changed so time to go again.

Hammer I think he is feeling like he needs his family. I have nothing left to give. I don't want that drama in my life. When I hear him talking about coming up here I think its just quacking and yet another way to avoid getting better.

Missus

... if something goes wrong, if he decides he doesn't need rehab and can do it himself, if he has to leave for some reason, he's got somewhere to go...?

Catherine628

All of our extended family is up here. Not necessarily in this town but close. I would prefer he not come up here. I remember previous promises to go to rehab that were broken.

For so long he pushed me away, insisted it was my fault and was mean and nasty. With this relapse he is so needy. Insists he needs us around to get better. I think its just the addiction talking again. Is this typical, part of the cycle? I haven't seen this neediness before.

SparkleKitty

He doesn't 'need'. He 'wants'. Either way, it is his thing to deal with.

AnvilheadII

agreed, he's not needy, he's wanty. families aren't like Netflix, where you rent them and then put them back in the box. and then rent them again later when you feel like it.

LoveMeNow

Love it, great analogy!! (Pssstt....it's Redbox, lol)

Hawkeye13

How are you today Catherine?

hopeful4

He wants YOU to be HIS support system and wants to come to you when he checks himself right back out of rehab.

If he wants to do rehab, let him. Have absolutely nothing to do with it, if you do it will be a terrible mistake.

Big Hugs. Take care of YOU.

Catherine628

I'm doing OK. I'm starting to see that he may never get better. Sad but true. He is calling/texting all the time. I ignore or reply back that I am at work, busy, etc. I won't let him talk to the kids right now because he is not sober. He doesn't ask anyway.

I woke up today and thought wow I really was sick last year. When he was pulling all the drunken crap and I actually felt like I needed him in my life.

I love the Redbox analogy!!!

Hawkeye13

I think hopeful is exactly right here.

It sounds like you are really "getting" that he isn't going to recover anytime soon and it is not your problem to try to fix anymore.

I think if you are resolved on not participating in his rehab, you should tell him so via text or email, so he can read it again when he sobers up,
so that there can be no confusion about this when he's calling or demanding help.

Would you need to let his extended family know that you wouldn't be participating or is that overstepping?
Will they call you or just expect you to be there I guess is my point. . .

Everybody on his side just needs to back off and let you heal a little it sounds like to me.

Hang in there Catherine.

You are getting up the hill, but it so hard to see when you just keep walking out of breath.

Stop, breathe, and look around. The world is still a beautiful place

Catherine628

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I do need to make it clear in writing that he needs to do recovery by himself. Anything I say is probably not getting through.

His family is great. Very supportive of the girls and I. They watched other members of their family struggle with this disease. One of the first things they told me was pack a U-Haul and get out so he can get better on his own. And if he never does he won't take us down with him. I actually haven't told them about this latest drama. I figure if he does board a plane I will give them a heads up. I just can't imagine AH pulling it together long enough to get himself up here.

Catherine628

Update:

Turns out alcoholic husband did not lose his latest job because he relapsed and was a no call/no show for 4 days. Nope. According to him it wasn't a good job so he just stopped going. In retrospect he supposed he could have given them notice.

Some even better news: He doesn't need rehab after all!!! Just a new job.

In other news I took the girls to a park in a cute neighborhood with the kind of older homes I love. Did some looking online and its an area I could afford to buy in someday. Assuming I can get out of this mess with my finances somewhat intact. Long term goal anyway.

I've started making more friends, getting out more. I'm starting to feel ready to be officially single. It's been a long time since this marriage had any kind of normalcy. Being alone used to terrify me. Now I feel liberated.

Hawkeye13

Thanks for the update--glad you are feeling better and sending you good wishes

hopeful4

I am so glad to hear you making future plans and moving forward. Stay strong and work on you and the needs of you and your girls.

God Bless!