2-9-14 is my new sobriety date
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
2-9-14 is my new sobriety date
I relapsed for the last two weeks of January and the first week of February after 13 months sobriety. It was not pretty.
I could not stop drinking, The first week or so, I thought I was a normal drinker. Then BAM! It was back to the way I used to drink and worse. I wanted to die.
The fact is, I thought I "had it" and I quit doing the things I was supposed to do: prayer and meditation, calling my sponsor, being honest about what was going on with me at meetings.
I made the decision to leave my house for two weeks and go to a therapeutic equestrian center with other women in recovery. I worked my tail off like I never had before. I started on step 1 with my sponsor, journalled, shared with honesty in meetings.
I am back home, have been since last Saturday. I made it through the week without going to the liquor store, and it feels great. But I know I have to do the work. Right now, I am doing the opposite of what I feel like doing. I am being productive and mindful.
I have to believe it happened for a reason. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I put ANY alcohol in my body, I am screwed. Back on the crazy train. And I want to stay off of that ****.
Oh, of course I lost my job as an office manager for a terrific company. They don't take calling in sick for a week too lightly.
BUT, I have been offered a part time position by a lady in AA working with her autistic son. She is going to train me. It is only going to be 12 hours a week so I will have mucho time to work on my recovery. And I am volunteering at the horse farm.
I could not stop drinking, The first week or so, I thought I was a normal drinker. Then BAM! It was back to the way I used to drink and worse. I wanted to die.
The fact is, I thought I "had it" and I quit doing the things I was supposed to do: prayer and meditation, calling my sponsor, being honest about what was going on with me at meetings.
I made the decision to leave my house for two weeks and go to a therapeutic equestrian center with other women in recovery. I worked my tail off like I never had before. I started on step 1 with my sponsor, journalled, shared with honesty in meetings.
I am back home, have been since last Saturday. I made it through the week without going to the liquor store, and it feels great. But I know I have to do the work. Right now, I am doing the opposite of what I feel like doing. I am being productive and mindful.
I have to believe it happened for a reason. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I put ANY alcohol in my body, I am screwed. Back on the crazy train. And I want to stay off of that ****.
Oh, of course I lost my job as an office manager for a terrific company. They don't take calling in sick for a week too lightly.
BUT, I have been offered a part time position by a lady in AA working with her autistic son. She is going to train me. It is only going to be 12 hours a week so I will have mucho time to work on my recovery. And I am volunteering at the horse farm.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Welcome back. I did this after nearly 10 months of sobriety. It sucks but it sounds like good things are starting to happen for you again.
Every day I'm reminded how much I need to be vigilant.
Thank you and wishing you all the best
S x
Every day I'm reminded how much I need to be vigilant.
Thank you and wishing you all the best
S x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,987
Sorry to hear of the turmoil you have been through, but it is good that you have recognized that you, and all of us indeed, need to be ever present to the knowledge that we must continue to work on our sobriety, regardless of how much "sober time" we have.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 380
I'm mostly a lurker and and happy to see your dog again! For me there is a definite fine line between sober or not. In an instant I could choose the other direction. Glad you made up your mind and are back at what you want.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Welcome back, Elizabeth!
Thank you for your honesty and your post. It reminds us how thin and fragile this line between sobriety and hell is.
Best wishes to you! Take care of yourself.
Thank you for your honesty and your post. It reminds us how thin and fragile this line between sobriety and hell is.
Best wishes to you! Take care of yourself.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Elizabeth,
Bitter experience has shown me i can never be a "normal" drinker .
I had a run of maybe 5 months in about 1999 where i'd managed to stay sober , exercise , live the life i'd wanted for years …. then i thought one little drink with dinner wouldn't harm would it … Then my life flew past and was way out of control until sept 3rd 2011 …
I'm glad you're back at it and you only lost a relatively short amount of time to it .
Bestwishes, m
Bitter experience has shown me i can never be a "normal" drinker .
I had a run of maybe 5 months in about 1999 where i'd managed to stay sober , exercise , live the life i'd wanted for years …. then i thought one little drink with dinner wouldn't harm would it … Then my life flew past and was way out of control until sept 3rd 2011 …
I'm glad you're back at it and you only lost a relatively short amount of time to it .
Bestwishes, m
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
You sound more determined than ever Elisabeth. 
I had to be brought to my knees too. I agree - we have to be convinced that putting a drop of alcohol in our systems will lead to our destruction. You never have to go back to that awful place. Congratulations on your sober time.
I had to be brought to my knees too. I agree - we have to be convinced that putting a drop of alcohol in our systems will lead to our destruction. You never have to go back to that awful place. Congratulations on your sober time.
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