Aarryckha

I'll keep this kind of short as I realize there's a bunch of people that don't want to read someone's whole life story.

I had my last drink on Thursday. Let me tell you, I'm no lightweight. I used to make excuses for having a bottle of wine by myself at night. Hey, it's only wine, right? Then it turned into wine most nights. That lead to drinking vodka but at least only on the weekends. The fact that I can drink over a fifth of vodka every night started to scare me. The fact I lost my boyfriend of six years and just about everyone else in my life should have scared me more.

I've been at this dance more than once. I've detoxed more than once. I've spent the last two days wishing I was dead than experiencing that again. Honestly, I had no idea you could die from detoxing. I had several times that I wanted to call an ambulance but I was too ashamed to. I think the thing that broke the camel's back for me was I hurt my mom this weekend and she has always supported me. On Thursday, I took an almost full 1.75L bottle of vodka and dumped it down the sink.

I'm terrified of this journey because what if I fail again? I'm scared because I think I've actually damaged my liver this time. I've been what I would call a heavy drinker for almost the last year. I drink until I black out and then I have to try to piece together what happened so I can fool myself into thinking those around me don't know.

This is scary and lonely. I just want to make it through this time. I can't imagine hurting my mom more than I have. Stupid thing is that I was diagnosed as being bipolar two years ago and I gave up on my meds because they interferred with drinking. I believe in that stigma that goes along with this disease and, hey, being an alcoholic on top of having a mental disorder is just messing with my mind. I know it's a personal thing, but hey, it's a personal thing.

Anyways, I just wanted to say hello.

Mek2

Write down what made those first two days so bad. Every time you consider drinking, read about your first 2 days and ask yourself is a drink worth putting yourself through that again. Good luck and keep going!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! you'll find loads of support here, we've all felt that same fear, but once you make the decision to be Sober and follow through, you'll start to reap the benefits!!

MidnightBlue

Hi, Aarryckha. Welcome to SR!

It's a great place where member are supportive and no one will judge you. And you are never alone here!

Don't be afraid to fail - make a plan, stick to it, take one day at a time, read and post here, look for some additional support if needed.

There are a lot of people here who succeeded in their sobriety - you can do it too!

Best wishes to you)

least

Welcome to the SR family. I'm glad you've made the decision to stop drinking. Nothing good can come from drinking, I know. You'll find a lot of support here.

KateL

Hello and welcome xxxx

Bruce292

Hello and welcome. If you fail again you take what you've learned and try again. It's a cycle many of us have been through. For me, it was a matter of not giving up on myself.

I was scared for my health as well. I'm in my 50s and drank for decades. I went to the doctor and got an extensive blood test. A lot of fear has to do with not knowing.

Keep checking into SR and keep posting. I sometimes check in when I'm feeling alone and down. It's a great place. Welcome

grandma3333

Hi I'm Diana,
I'm also on day two. It has been a hard day. I hope you hang in there, I'm really trying
Good luck

Dee74

Hi Aarryckha

I like reading people's life stories

Support was a real gamechanger for me. SR really helped me turn my life around.

I know it's scary, but you're not alone here - welcome

D