mary5alive

So many of my friends tell me I'm fine, and that I don't have a problem. As if sobriety hasn't been ridiculously hard to do, it doesn't help when my friends want to drink all the time. My best friend, who has been my insane drinking pal for years is literally dragging me to some booze cruise event that's starting at 11am tomorrow with all these people I don't know in some backwater town in the middle of nowhere. I want to not drink, but it's so hard for me to be around people drinking still.

What do you guys do when things of this nature happen?

least

I say "I'm sorry but I can't go with you".

Carlotta

I value my sobriety so I do not allow people pleasing to jeopardize it. If you were serious about being sober, you would not allow anyone even a best friend to drag you to a booze filled event especially with only six days dry.
How can you blame your friends? Why should they be supportive of something you obviously do not take seriously.
What are you doing for your recovery?

Marcher13

Mary you said your best friend has been your "insane drinking pal for years" so it's quite likely s/he will want you to go to a drinking event. You own your sobriety and that must come first if you are going to keep it, simply tell your friend you are not going. What else do the two of you do together?

1newcreation

Howdy?
If dont have any valid reason such as work/buisness, then politely decline & find out where nearest aa mtg is & seek refuge there. Or go to fam member's hse; just don't lie bout it coz either way, they will find out & if 'twas me, I'd rather admit seeking help for problem that has tormented me for so long but end up happier than I've ever been
DON'T GO

ReadyAtLast

I would just not go. you don't have to go. You are an adult and able to say no and put your own needs first .If your friend falls out with you because of it then you know she is not a true friend,just a drinking buddy .

You have do decide how important your sobriety is to you.Your sobriety WILL be ridiculously hard to do,if not impossible, if you surround yourself with people drinking all the time and go to drinking events. Getting sober, for me ,wasn't just puttng down the drink but changing lifestyle habits and dealing with things

Dee74

There's nothing that would get me to a booze cruise Mary - dragged or otherwise.

You know whats in your best interest.
Do the best for yourself - say no.

It's hard the first few times, but it gets easier

D

mary5alive

I appreciate the advice from you all, there's a little more behind it all. I feel like I'm friends with some really self absorbed people; my best friend constantly wants to drink even though she knows i'm trying to quit, my other one is trying to convince me to smoke weed instead(which been there done that, and i hate it regardless), and the other good friend of mine thinks she needs to one up me, and tells me my life isn't bad so there's no need for me to drink.
i feel like hitting my head against a wall.

ReadyAtLast

You can't stop your friends drinking or doing what they want to do. All you can do is decide if you want to be around people like that if your aim is to get sober. It really is that simple. If they are true friends they will agree to meet you at other times and do other activities that don't involve drinking. If they won't then they're just drinking buddies, are not true friends and not concerned about you.

The bottom line is if you're trying to get sober going on a booze cruise is pretty crazy behaviour. When I got sober I had to decide how important sobriety was to me and I learned that what other people think of me doesn't matter. What is more important is doing the right thing for me.

Dee74

The people I was hanging with at the very end of my drinking days were not the kind of people I wanted around once I got sober.

Sounds to me like you deserve better friends Mary

D

mary5alive

It is so hard for me though being so early in recovery. My friends don't understand, and probably have drinking problems too.
I feel like I will have no one if I don't go out with them. That is basically all we ever do is drink. :/
I have gone to a bar and hated sitting back watching everyone relax with alcohol, while i sipped on water.

ReadyAtLast

The more sober time you have the more sober people you will meet. It seems daunting now but it won't always be like this. If you keep going to bars you will eventually drink so the best thing to do is not go to bars and not meet with drinkers. I know it's hard but what's the alternative-you just keep drinking and nothing will change.

I'm not in AA but maybe go to an AA meeting today and you'll meet some other sober people,get some numbers and be with people who understand. It can be a great support network and social scene.

matt4x4

Time to kick these drinking "firends" to the curb. They are not your friends, they were your old drinking buddies, now you want to change your life so you need some normal friends and AA friends.

hypochondriac

I think everyone here can relate to your post Mary. It is really hard in early sobriety, but it is a transition not an event. We don't always just detach from our old friends and find ourselves with ready made sober supportive ones. Nor do we comfortably slot into a new social life where we are either comfortable around people drinking or have a good group of sober people to hang out with. These things drove me nuts in early sobriety so I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. The first of which was to continue going to the pub and social events just gritting my teeth whilst still trying to be the party girl sober. It's a bit like the end of a relationship where you can't imagine being with anyone else or think you'll be alone forever. You won't, you'll make new friends or redefine the relationship with the friends you have. Don't try and make it all right all at once and just concentrate on staying sober, everything else will fall onto place, trust me x

Dee74

Like Hypochondriac says it's a process...I reconnected with a lot of old friends, and I made new ones...I got involved in my community with volunteer work, I pursued hobbies and interests, and I basically started building a new sober life.

It wasn't overnight but in a remarkably short space of time I gathered a new set of friends around me - friendships where the common bond wasn't drinking

D

mary5alive

I think what it really boils down to is anger. I'm so pissed that I can't sit back and drink with everyone else. I don't know if that's normal at this stage or what to expect. I know alcohol has caused me way more harm than good, yet I still have this insane urge to get wasted. I hate the fact that my family will never again let me drink and search the house for empty bottles, and the fact that my friends are urging me to still drink with them. Sorry for sounding whiney and stupid, I just haven't been able to sleep without alcohol and am really angry about everything.

thelonghaul

Mary, I'm Mark, and I'm on my 8th day sober as of 40 mins ago. I had at least have a dozen people asking me what was going on tonight, what's shaking for friday "lets go get drinks?!" I texted each one I was dodging booze from now on cuz i can't be a drinker anymore. ONE person texted me back to come over and talk and have tea and coffee. Find that one person and start there.

The booze anchor is heavy but every time i cut it loose I'm thanking God for another day I get to live sober. Another day to heal my body, my mind, my heart and the relationships that MATTER. The friends that don't support u let them go for awhile, then you will see who is truly your friend.

Dee74

Recovery's not easy in the beginning - alcohol was one of the longest relationships I had in my life.

Most of us find it's not fair, and I think anger is fairly common Mary...and that's ok....providing it leads to acceptance and not back to drinking.

D

LadyinBC

It's normal to feel angry, I went thru the same thing. However I found that I was more angry at myself for putting myself in these situations where I had to watch people drink. Made no sense to me why I kept doing it, until I realized I was just setting myself up for a relapse.

Unfortunately I had to throw some friends to the curb. My real true friends support me 100% in my sobriety and would never put me in situations where I feel uncomfortable.

The only person that can put my sobriety in jeopardy is me. So I simply do not put myself in these situations. I am not obligated to go anywhere I don't want to. That is the beauty about admitting to myself that I'm an alcoholic I don't have to do anything I don't want to .

One of the big things that sometimes has to change when we stop drinking is people. Places and things are also on the list. No situation, event or person should be more important than your sobriety. You have to think it over and over again until it becomes your mantra .

KateL

I would give it a miss. There came a time when I could go to events with alcohol and feel comfortable, but even now a booze cruise wouldn't appeal to me at all - probably because I am old xxxx