Ughhhh help!

Old 02-28-2014, 01:25 PM
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Ughhhh help!

Does anyone have any advice on my current dilemma? My ex who is blocked keeps reaching out to me in ways that I cant prevent him from doing. Bringing flowers to my office for valentines day. He’s cleaning his life up. He has made it through his first semester at school with straight A’s … been drinking much less, in fact sober for almost a month. Although he’s not in a program. He said he would go. DO anything he has to do. He’s completely switched everything up, he’s got a new job, job interviews pulling it together. Hes begging me to come back. Says he will relinquish control of anything and be an open book. Access to anything to show me he’s not going to cheat, lie, that he’d spend the rest of his life showing me how sorry he is This seems like the old him. Problem is although hes changing and doing very well and pretty sober, im still so weary. Not only this, all that runs through my mind is that its too good to be true. Id be going back to a sociopathic guy things will eventually get worse. Ive moved on … I don’t get why he wont leave me alone. I haven’t had any contact with him and he still tries. Last week he was outside my condo with sparklers trying to get my attention from the window Why do I even care still? It's crazy I know better than to even consider it but everyone is telling me what great strides he's making and how much he's sorry now that he's sober. And how much he loves me. All this crazy behavior makes me feel nothing has changed.
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Old 02-28-2014, 01:34 PM
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This doesn't sound like sober behavior. If he's serious about getting well, maybe he should begin working a program of recovery like AA, Rational Recovery, AVRT, SMART, Life Ring, SOS.....

Sounds like he's really seeking help with finances, maybe??

What's your gut say?

If he were sober, he'd be working on himself and dating you--taking you out, etc and winning you over that way, like a sober person would do. maybe. I dunno.

just some thoughts
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:01 PM
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That's what he's trying to do.. he sent me a letter asking me to meet him at the place our first date. Wants to start over. was take me to dinner and take me out and take me to church. Not asking much of me just for me to give him the opportunities to do that. Maybe it's been all the lies cheating and being treated like junk for two years and all the Being treated like Junk. The sociopathic tendencies. Maybe I just will always think badly of him and that's what I can't determine right now. But it scares me that he's not an active program he's doing everything he says to make himself healthy and it's showing. Going back to school straight A's in school for a semester, still he just doesn't seem rational.
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:24 PM
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Not much sober time yet, no program. . .

Chances are it won't last.
I would keep your distance and watch to see what happens over time.

It sounds like he is more focused on you than his recovery.

All in all, not a good recipe for success here.
I'm sorry lala--be careful buying back in too soon.
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:27 PM
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I asked him 10 min ago .... if he was in a program ... I got scolded for asking. Told he made reservations for dinner at a place that doesn't accept them. Told I'm too negative. That I had no reason to not meet him. That he was sober and working non stop for a few weeks and that's how Hes staying sober. Works too late to attend meetings. He cheated because he was sick but he's better now and driven and focused ..... Can't go to AA because it's for real alcoholics and he's not a "real" one.

..... Looks like I fell for the dry drunk quacking .... Who will prob be out celebrating (drinking) his job interview

..... Sorry for the post It seemed so real it's all full of junk ...I'm so mad at myself!!!!
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Old 02-28-2014, 06:16 PM
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Girl I am right there with you my XABF is now quacking about being one month sober and is not working a program. He is constantly asking me out to dinner etc. My therapist pointed out that those who are white knuckling it need something else so they become really intense about something else like an old relAtionship. That's why they won't leave you alone. Not responding at all is the only thing that will work with alcoholics.
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Old 02-28-2014, 06:17 PM
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Don't be mad at yourself breaking bad habits is hard. Good luck.
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Old 02-28-2014, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by lala1027 View Post
..... Sorry for the post It seemed so real it's all full of junk ...I'm so mad at myself!!!!
Take it easy on yourself LaLa, your BS-ometer was working just fine... Should you ever reconsider with him or another person in recovery as a prospect: wait until a year of uninterrupted sobriety (which includes being drama free in all respects) has passed before dating. It's a rule of thumb for a reason - in most cases, breaking the rule doesn't turn out well.
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Old 03-02-2014, 09:31 PM
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Well.... He got all dressed up in the clothes I bought him. Went to some event ... With another woman. Was drinking all night .... Yep .......


....... Seems like he wasn't serious about anything

Still pulling tons of trashy women all dressed up in the designer clothes I bought him. Continuing to lie and drink.

Yet comes around me with the I love yous and I mean most to him!!! Yea right

I wish it still didn't hurt me so much.
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Old 03-03-2014, 06:13 AM
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The saying around here is "he is showing you who he is--believe him"

Now you can move on with knowledge and with that comes power.
The hurt will lesson--keep busy and care of yourself.
Lots of hot baths, time with girlfriends, doing a hobby, being in nature.

You'll find a man worthy of you and your honesty now that the space is clearing.
Best to you.
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