couldn't make it to day 14
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
couldn't make it to day 14
Hi all.
In the last month i've been sober 19 days of 28.
Today would be my 14th day... but... i failed.
I 've gone to hell and back multiple times, sleepless nights, strong cravings that i was nearly able to rob a liquorstore in the middle of the night.
Suddenly, my last tryout i survived the first week, got better, ignored all cravings, got even better than that, felt almost normal.... than BAM!!!!
A stupid situation put an end to my sobriety! And i stil wonder why??
This time, no excesive cravings, just things didn't go as i planned. I wanted to do a lot of things today and i couldn't, not because of me.
And i got so annoyed and instantly and allmost unconscious thought: "i might as well drink a beer".
Because i wasn't even craving alcohol! I was so happy in my sober state of mind. How could this happen?
In the last month i've been sober 19 days of 28.
Today would be my 14th day... but... i failed.
I 've gone to hell and back multiple times, sleepless nights, strong cravings that i was nearly able to rob a liquorstore in the middle of the night.
Suddenly, my last tryout i survived the first week, got better, ignored all cravings, got even better than that, felt almost normal.... than BAM!!!!
A stupid situation put an end to my sobriety! And i stil wonder why??
This time, no excesive cravings, just things didn't go as i planned. I wanted to do a lot of things today and i couldn't, not because of me.
And i got so annoyed and instantly and allmost unconscious thought: "i might as well drink a beer".
Because i wasn't even craving alcohol! I was so happy in my sober state of mind. How could this happen?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Your story sounds familiar to me... so those situations where things don't go as expected might be some of your triggers. You probably self-medicated your dissatisfaction with what you are used to do as a quick fix (drinking). If you think back through similar times, you must be able to see a pattern... The thing to do, in my experience, and this is what I also see suggested all over on these forums, is to have plans for those trigger situations. I actually made a flow chart (it's akin to a visual representation of how computers work) for me that I update as I see fit and keep on my laptop and phone and try to look at it each time I'm frustrated, angry, depressed, what have you... as soon as possible. I tell myself I trust and am willing to follow this rational construct made in my clear minded states more than the AV impulses...
Conscious distraction is often a good thing, for me at least.
Conscious distraction is often a good thing, for me at least.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Well I registered in 2010, and posted spuriously, got lots of useful feedback but never used them in a proactive way, I did not even respond much...until recently. And finally decided to try recovery seriously this January. That's also a long time...
Don't look back more than what's helpful to you and keep trying. 13 days is awesome, no one will take that from you and I'm sure you've had lots of interesting realizations during. I definitely would not call that "no evolution"! You are here today admitting and thinking about all this. That is progressive!
If your last drinking was very recently, it's totally normal that you are feeling very low, sad and disappointed. Please don't let that influence your motivation to keep trying to find your way out!!
Don't look back more than what's helpful to you and keep trying. 13 days is awesome, no one will take that from you and I'm sure you've had lots of interesting realizations during. I definitely would not call that "no evolution"! You are here today admitting and thinking about all this. That is progressive!
If your last drinking was very recently, it's totally normal that you are feeling very low, sad and disappointed. Please don't let that influence your motivation to keep trying to find your way out!!
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
You're back and trying again and that shows real strength of character 
The fact that you have managed to stay sober for 13 days shows that you have the capacity - and maybe you are evolving after all?
The fact that you have managed to stay sober for 13 days shows that you have the capacity - and maybe you are evolving after all?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
It was just one beer, i just want that tomorrow could be called day 15 and think about it as a bad dream. But i also want to remember for the rest of my life that 1 can't be 15 ever!
I think it would be much useful if i call tomorrow day 1 again. Thank you all!
I think it would be much useful if i call tomorrow day 1 again. Thank you all!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Thank you, HeadLump. I know i can. And i know i am happier when i am sober.
But unfortunately i am a man who wants rewards now. And this is the root of my drinking. Small rewards now, or big rewards later... 'Hmm, i'll drink a beer and think about it..."
This kind of thinking dragged me down for the last 3 years.
I'll think about it every hour from now, cause it seems that everyday it's not enough...
But unfortunately i am a man who wants rewards now. And this is the root of my drinking. Small rewards now, or big rewards later... 'Hmm, i'll drink a beer and think about it..."
This kind of thinking dragged me down for the last 3 years.
I'll think about it every hour from now, cause it seems that everyday it's not enough...
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by weirdesttoner 
And i got so annoyed and instantly and allmost unconscious thought: "i might as well drink a beer".
You were annoyed. You were uncomfortable feeling annoyed.
Your brain said "have a beer" to kill those uncomfortable feelings.
You had one.
My biggest trigger is when my feelings make me uncomfortable.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 54
I was just like you extremely, extremely recently. I could stop for a little while -- even two weeks, fine -- but then something would get in the way, I would really want a glass of wine, I'd see a friend who asked me out for a drink and I wouldn't want to say no because frankly I don't feel comfortable socially without it.
But then someone said something to me that made me really curious. They said: what if, if you didn't drink for a *while* - six months, a year, something like that -- what if you found out you were better off without it?
It takes a while to adjust to a new reality. It takes a while for the brain to heal and normalize, for your emotions to stabilize and for your body to get used to running on real fuel. 14 days is not long enough. I don't think a month is long enough. Maybe three months is long enough, a year is probably long enough.
But if you never go that long, * you will never know* the kind of person you could be, the kind of life you could have, what you could accomplish, what you could fix or learn or come to terms with without alcohol. You won't ever know who you are.
So if you try to quit again, maybe it will help to think of it the way I do now. I am not in this because of all the bad things about alcohol. I am in it because I want to know who I am without it. I want to know if I'm funny or clever or smart, or mean or depressed or...*whatever* -- these are things I don't know about myself because I'm chemically compromised. But I want to find out because I am alive and not dead, and I can be unconscious for eternity at some point.
We drink because we can't think of anything else to do in that particular moment, basically. But we can learn how to think of other things to do, and * all that time* we were spending drinking can be aimed at something else. Something good, something about you, something that helps you, or the world, or the people you love.
You won't ever know what you could be doing *other than drinking* unless you find out for yourself. I think that's worth getting to day 37 over here.
But then someone said something to me that made me really curious. They said: what if, if you didn't drink for a *while* - six months, a year, something like that -- what if you found out you were better off without it?
It takes a while to adjust to a new reality. It takes a while for the brain to heal and normalize, for your emotions to stabilize and for your body to get used to running on real fuel. 14 days is not long enough. I don't think a month is long enough. Maybe three months is long enough, a year is probably long enough.
But if you never go that long, * you will never know* the kind of person you could be, the kind of life you could have, what you could accomplish, what you could fix or learn or come to terms with without alcohol. You won't ever know who you are.
So if you try to quit again, maybe it will help to think of it the way I do now. I am not in this because of all the bad things about alcohol. I am in it because I want to know who I am without it. I want to know if I'm funny or clever or smart, or mean or depressed or...*whatever* -- these are things I don't know about myself because I'm chemically compromised. But I want to find out because I am alive and not dead, and I can be unconscious for eternity at some point.
We drink because we can't think of anything else to do in that particular moment, basically. But we can learn how to think of other things to do, and * all that time* we were spending drinking can be aimed at something else. Something good, something about you, something that helps you, or the world, or the people you love.
You won't ever know what you could be doing *other than drinking* unless you find out for yourself. I think that's worth getting to day 37 over here.
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