blake1989

I'm sitting here at a public computer. destroyed. looking for some thoughts on logistics or what next. I admit I'm a little afraid for my life. I think I might have to move. I'm afraid to post this even.

It was almost like I could feel her driving to me sometimes these past weeks after it ended. I thought it might be over when she wrote me a letter. I thought she would let me sit alone, crying, calling out her name and asking her why.

A little before 6am I woke up to gentle knocks on my door. I could hear her saying my name, I could hear her breathing words into my door, knocking over and over, suffering, i could hear her clothes against my door. I've been crying every day this week, mourning her, and she does this to me. I could hear she was drunk. She drove over an hour to me, to do this.

The knocks got louder, she tried the door knocker, it was louder. She kept saying my name, "i need to know," "I need help", "why isn't he here?". My therapist and everyone here prepared me for this. I was just getting used to not sleeping in hotels on weeknights.

I called 911 and waited for the police for 20 mins as she knocked over and over. My friend stayed by her phone with me, talking me through it. My ex had lied to my front desk security. She said she lived in my building and said her name was my name. She got 'lucky' and the front desk guy was new and did not observe any of the usual protocols.

I heard someone talk to her and she said 'my boyfriend is in there. go ahead and call the police'.

I heard her walk away down the hall, weeping. They called me and said she left. I told them my life could have been in danger and they said 'sorry about that.'

The police came and interviewed me, too late. They said I should have reported the time when she hit me. They said I should go to the courthouse and get a protective order.

But I fear that will only ignite more things vs. me being quiet. She has a record. I don't know if they found her, but said they would canvas my area

I don't know. I can't even think. I feel so sick. I can't go to my own place. I am going away for the weekend. I don't even know how to ask for help. What to do?

I'm sorry if I don't respond. I am waiting for my therapist and I have a time limit here. But will be reading if you were patient enough to read this

MyBetterWorld

wow.
Do you have a picture of her? If so, I would give it to the front desk people with something stating that she is not to be let in.
A restraining order...you probably wouldn't be granted one at this point because she hasn't "done" anything that's been reported.
I'm glad you are seeing your therapist.
I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

blake1989

thanks. yes, they've got a picture now. they already had a digital registry with instructions. they never checked it.

ladyscribbler

So sorry you had to go through that. It must have been incredibly stressful and painful those long minutes waiting for the police. Good for you for staying strong.
I second MBW's suggestion of providing her photo to your building security. That's a really good idea.
Right now, you don't have to DO anything except enjoy your weekend away. Something that helps me when my mind is in turmoil is a written journal. Get yourself a little notebook and put your feelings on paper.
Take care. I hope you have a peaceful few days.

Sungrl

Ya know maybe it's not such a bad idea to move. I know it's a pain, but a fresh start might be a great idea. Start over and let all the old memories die. It's a great idea to give the front desk her picture and let them know under NO circumstances is she allowed in. If you fear a restraining order may make it worse try that. Hopefully she will just go away eventually. Stay no contact and see how it goes. If you truly fear for your life by all means move to a new secure place. Good luck!

Hawkeye13

I'm sorry this happened blake but not really surprised.

I'd get the order to protect yourself and to be very very clear you must be left alone.

I'd also have a word with the manager of your building.

If you are very worried, maybe you could change apartments to one not on the ground floor?
If you really don't think you can feel safe there, you might need to move but that sounds like a huge effort.
But only you know what you need, and you should honor your feelings to be safe and not worried.

She will eventually give up if you keep not responding to her attempts.

I know you are terribly sad right now but you did the exact right thing in your response.
It will be over that much quicker because of it.

Hope4Life

I am SO glad that you kept the door closed Blake! I know you are still concerned about her (I can tell by your post) but staying no contact is what is best for YOU and that is what you need to put first.

I really hope you can relax over the w/e and maybe even have some fun.

Peace and Harmony to you.

blake1989

Thanks all. I went straight to management. They were ticked off about what happened, and had gotten a memo apparently.

Thank you Hawkeye.

eggdogg1234

Man what a bummer. Thoughts and payers.

Seren

I'm sorry you had to go through that, blake. I can't imagine just how unnerving it must have been for you...and yes, it sounds as though she is dangerous.

Please don't protect her by not obtaining a restraining order....because then, crazy wins.

I think it's very possible for you to get your life back, blake. Being proactive about it might be just thing.

Hammer

But hey!

It is nice to know you are loved and wanted, right?

Makes you want to send a Get Well Soon card, huh?

sooooooo crazy.

iwanthappiness

Not to mention......she drove over an hour to get there.....while drunk!! Geez, THAT's scary too!

Carlotta

Exactly what Seren says and don't hesitate because you are afraid she might lose her job as an addiction nurse. She should be a patient there, not staff.
Please stay safe and good job on not opening the door.

CodeJob

Do you take Karate or any martial arts Blake? I wonder if that would not only give you an outlet but also quickly build your sense of confidence and a new group of people to hang out with?

hopeful4

Amen!
Blake, I am sorry this happened, however you did the right thing. You knew it would happen eventually, so it did and you made it through. I agree, you should have called the police before but it's not too late. Don't get back on the crazy train, you just got yourself off.

God Bless.

Hammer

Great Idea.

A+

This was my favorite, back in the day.

Wu-Wei Gung Fu - The original teaching of Bruce Lee in Seattle, Washington in the early 1960's and the development of The Way of Movements

May get back into some, if I can stay off the road for a while.

blake1989

Thank you friends. I don't know. I've done a lot of athletics. Always opined on martial arts. What I'm truly hung up on is that she'll shoot me, maybe months from now. The stories she's told me about trying to get a gun to kill a family member who harmed her stuck with me. I know maybe they're fabrications, but that stuff haunts me. I can't wear a kevlar vest all the time lol. Maybe it really is time to move.

SeasonlessWorld

I'm so sorry Blake. Please seek legal counsel and try to get a restraining order, or at least move. I'm afraid of what she'll do. Take care and do not respond to her antics.

NWGRITS

Document everything, and talk to the front desk manager about their lack of security protocol. As someone who has been in the hotel/resort business for over a decade, it lights my a$$ to hear about desk staff who don't.follow procedure re: authorized guests on folios, issuing duplicate keys, and transferring phone calls. Guest security is my priority when I am in that office. I don't transfer a phone call without calling the guest first to confirm. No wife, husband, mother, or police officer gets to a room without either a) confirmation from the guest or b) a warrant. I can't even confirm or deny an individual's presence on my property. I've had more than one abusive partner come threatening MY life because their other half ran away seeking safety. That is part of our jobs and they need to be taking it seriously.

*stepping down and picking up my soapbox* I'm finished now.

JustAGirl1971

I'm sorry, Blake If you have a lease, I'd definitely make sure you have it documented that security did not follow protocol in case you need to break it. Also, maybe change up your routines? Don't follow the same path to work that you did when you were with her, don't eat in the same restaurants, and don't shop at the same grocery. If you go to the gym M-W-F, make it T-Th-S at a different time, etc.

I'm sorry