m1k3

Good morning campers! I posted this in a Buddhist forum where there was this hot and heavy discussion on what the Buddha really taught and how it applies to us in the modern world.

After I reread what I posted I can see how working a recovery is very similar so I thought I would share it.


To me Buddha gave some really good advice on how to live more sanely. It was for the masses, anyone could do it and you didn't have to be a monk.

1. Let go of the past, it isn't real. Give up any expectations that you can have a happier past.

2. Let go of the future, it isn't real. It will get here when it gets here and probably be different from what you were worrying about. Besides all that time spent worrying about what might or might not happen is a real bummer.

3. Let go of resentments. Resentments are like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

4. Let go of expectations. You have no right to expect someone else to react in a specific manner. Besides, expectations are just future resentments.

5. Don’t be so attached to your thoughts. Just because you think it doesn’t make it true.

6. Don’t be so attached to your emotions. Emotions aren’t facts.

7. Give up the illusion of control. The only thing any of us has control over is how we choose to respond to what is happening around us and in our heads. You can choose to respond or you can react. Reacting is running on auto pilot, following the ingrained habits you have without even paying attention.

8. Spend some time meditating, it doesn't have to be a lot. It turns down the volume in your head so that you can pay attention to what is really going on.


If you do these simple things you can greatly reduce your suffering.

Oh yeah, suffering instructs or it brings more suffering.

Your friend,

JustAGirl1971

This is all excellent advice, Mike. I especially like this:
Thank you. I always find your posts so helpful.

SoloMio

This is very timely! I have been a long-time fan of Thich Nhat Hanh, but I just read a book that is so profound in its insights, and very relevant to how my thoughts and actions impact the situation of living with alcoholism. The book is Stepping Out of Self-Deception by Rodney Smith. It's not specifically about alcoholism, but I really enjoyed it, and thought perhaps you would. He digs really deeply into Insight Meditation and the concept of getting to no-self, which was really helpful to me in terms of learning how to deal with reactivity, and identify mind and all its shenanigans.

Thanks for sharing the list!

giliji

Thank you for posting this. I really need to keep these things in mind. It will greatly reduce the amount of anxiety and stress I have. I may put these on cards, one each week or so, to put on the fridge for my kids and I.

hopeful4

Absolutely wonderful! Thank you so much, I have printed this off and put it under the glass on my desk!

Blessings!

BlueSkies1

I like these, and feel good about them actually, as I have most of them nailed. I've known I should look into Buddhism for awhile, as I lean that way naturally, but I've found my way to similar thinking using my own logic, and haven't read a single book on the subject.
What does the Buddha say about action?

lillamy

I love this!!!

And especially this: Somehow, when I think about it, it's like I believe somewhere that the past is still there (maybe in a big black backpack in my closet?) and that I still have to deal with it.

BlueSkies1

Maybe that part of the past is like an old country song that you thought was so terrific back in the day, and you hear it again and groan- Do I have to listen to this again? I thought it was such a great song back then, but my musical appreciation has been refined.

lillamy

I think even more than that, I realized that the past is actually *poof* gone!
(Well, unless you get into quantum physics and thoughts that time is an illusion and that everything really exists simultaneously but that kind of stuff gives me headaches.)

So I think I'd see it more like... that country song? All copies and recordings are destroyed and the only place it still exists is in my head, so it's up to me whether I want to torment myself by listening to it.

m1k3

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by action. Also there are more flavors of Buddhism than Ben & Jerry's so your mileage may vary depending on who you ask.

So, my best take on this is one of the 8 fold path is "right action", which I translate as "do the next right thing". That is action that is without expectations of results. You do it simply because it's the right thing to do.

Your friend,

lillamy

I sat in meetings all day yesterday, and one thing an older gentleman said (we were talking strategy) was "if the practical and the moral conflict, you need to go back to the drawing board."

That struck me as so wise that I copied it down verbatim. You do the right thing not because it's expedient or because you expect a certain outcome. You do it because it's right.

BlueSkies1

Actually I asked Mike because the list was a lot of don't do's, or letting go exercises.
Do the next best thing works--like "don't overthink it"

m1k3

I think the best way to look at this is: This is something I found that works for me, try it, it may work for you. Like sharing experience in a meeting.

It's not so much a list of don't do's as a guide for moving yourself into the present moment. If you're in the present the past doesn't matter. If you're in the present the future doesn't matter. I try to do things because in the right now it is the right thing to do. If in a future right now I look back and see I could have done it better, that's ok. No guilt, no shame, no recriminations because I did right thing at that time, based on what I knew at the time.

Does that make sense?

Your friend,

Carlotta

Thank you so much for posting that Mike. This is really good for meditation and I needed to hear it.

lillamy

It's funny, too -- I know m1k3 has said similar things many times over the years...
... and I think it's a Buddhist who said "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear"?

I've found the same thing to be true in Al-Anon, and in Bible study. That you can see, hear, read the same thing over and over and over 200 times, and it's just a "meh" statement that doesn't particularly move you.

And then the 201st time -- something just clicks and you GET IT.

readerbaby71

Thanks, Mike! I love your posts and as you know I'm a big fan of Buddhism. Wouldn't say I'm a practitioner yet but I'm trying.

Danae

Thank you Mike. I always appreciate your posts, but this was especially timely.

I have so far to go!

iamthird

I really love this post. It is so short and simple, powerful. Sometimes we get so emeshed and embroiled and the answers are so basic!

I really love this guide...It makes everything easier!!

Thank you!!!

SparkleKitty

Oh, M1k3. I can hardly explain how much I needed this today. I was blindsided as I was getting ready to leave the office yesterday when someone told me my partner was whining to our supervisor that I don't seem to like her anymore. I left in a whirlwind of feeling angry and betrayed and plain old confused, headed home and found myself locked out of the house and my husband half an hour away by train. I sat in the hallway of our condo weeping until he got home, then we had to rush dinner and head off to perform in our show. I've rarely felt so simulaneously dwelling in both the future and the past in recent years, and it actually ached me physically.

As usual, performing helped wrench me back in the present (the very best actors practice these principles on stage, even tough they might not know it!), but it all came back to me when I woke up this morning. After reading your post, I remember that I only have right now to live fully, and that tomorrow will take care of itself.

Once again, the Thanks button is truly inadequate here.

Hammer

Really Good Stuff, Mike.

Thanks for posting that.

Really does fit a LOT of this recovery stuff.

Thanks, again.

Your friend, Phil.