given up denying it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1
given up denying it
My drinking as finally caught up me, slowly but surely. I have been drinking for 10 years, with my wife who drinks less than I but still drinks almost as much. Over the last 6-8 months she has basically decided that she doesn't want to be married anymore (well now anyway, she was unsure before). She doesn't trust me and does not feel safe (there is no violence, just erratic drunken behavior as I panicked about the marriage ending and family splitting up) We have two small kids 3-5, very sad.
My wife would say I having a drinking problem, as she drank her bottle of wine a day. She enabled me and helped my denial for so many years (no blame, just clarity now). Anyway, I have been slowly quitting drinking for the last year with stops and starts. I quit having the nightly 4-6 beers, but kept my once a week get drunk at the pub. However, once the marriage started to really quickly go to crap six months ago, I would get blasted once every so often..and it would turn ugly.
So here I am finally admitting that I really do have a problem, and have had one for a while. I like to escape, but that made things worse.. My emotions and drinking, results in wasted money, embarrassments, ( money is big issues too, now of course. Oh yeah, the limited drinking would result in me doing embarrassing things.
As last night my wife says she wants me to move out and divorce. I am broken, but ready to change for good. Not to save my marriage which is probably done, but for the person I want to be and lost along way during those drunken years. For my boys, who probably have my family's genes ( see it runs in the family on both side). Anyways thanks for listening.
Like many of you, my wife drinks (she has a problem too, but won't admit it), all my friends are drinkers. So it is going to be tough, since I know that I have to avoid a lot of my social life.
My wife would say I having a drinking problem, as she drank her bottle of wine a day. She enabled me and helped my denial for so many years (no blame, just clarity now). Anyway, I have been slowly quitting drinking for the last year with stops and starts. I quit having the nightly 4-6 beers, but kept my once a week get drunk at the pub. However, once the marriage started to really quickly go to crap six months ago, I would get blasted once every so often..and it would turn ugly.
So here I am finally admitting that I really do have a problem, and have had one for a while. I like to escape, but that made things worse.. My emotions and drinking, results in wasted money, embarrassments, ( money is big issues too, now of course. Oh yeah, the limited drinking would result in me doing embarrassing things.
As last night my wife says she wants me to move out and divorce. I am broken, but ready to change for good. Not to save my marriage which is probably done, but for the person I want to be and lost along way during those drunken years. For my boys, who probably have my family's genes ( see it runs in the family on both side). Anyways thanks for listening.
Like many of you, my wife drinks (she has a problem too, but won't admit it), all my friends are drinkers. So it is going to be tough, since I know that I have to avoid a lot of my social life.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. 
A big part of getting sober is just to realize you have a problem to begin with. You'll find a lot of support here for staying sober. I hope we can help you. 
A big part of getting sober is just to realize you have a problem to begin with. You'll find a lot of support here for staying sober. I hope we can help you. Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
It is good that you realize you have a problem. I'm sorry about your marriage. Very sorry especially when you have two small children. Maybe see a doctor for a little something to get through detox symptoms. You can do this as depressing as it sounds right now. As for your wife, may I share a short story. I went to detox in October. I am an alcoholic and was convinced my husband was too. Turns out my husband is a heavy drinker, but not alcoholic. He hasn't had a drop since I went to rehab....no detox..no sweats...no sleepless nights. He just stopped, no problem. My point is you don't know if wife is alcoholic. Now is time to take care of you, she can take care of herself. Get some help my Friend. It will be hard but worth it. Blessings.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Sorry for your current troubles, but you are in the right place to get knowledge and support for staying sober.
I recommend doing something positive for yourself. Exercise, or maybe a new suit (or maybe both!)?
Be well.
I recommend doing something positive for yourself. Exercise, or maybe a new suit (or maybe both!)?
Be well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rural Colorado
Posts: 376
Welcome. I hope your path toward sobriety helps your kids as they grow up. I wonder about how I've impacted my daughter as an alcoholic but hope she sees me doing something positive for myself and somehow that helps her in her future. I don't know. It is really sad when a marriage ends, especially with small children involved, but it doesn't sound like a healthy situation for anyone and you are trying to get better. I hope you stick around and post a lot. This place is extremely supportive and very good at giving useful tips.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, gitland. You seem to be at the proverbial fork in the road. If you continue on your same path, you have already foreshadowed the outcome: divorce, money issues, embarrassment, perhaps worse. Choose a life of sobriety and you will find yourself in better control of where life takes you. Having chosen the sober path about 6 months ago, I can tell you that it is a much, much better life than I had as a drunk. It's not a perfect life. But it is better. Much better.
You can quit drinking if you choose to. It will take a commitment from you. And it will take resolve.
So, as you stand at the fork in the road, perhaps now is a good time for you to decide which path you will take.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
You can quit drinking if you choose to. It will take a commitment from you. And it will take resolve.
So, as you stand at the fork in the road, perhaps now is a good time for you to decide which path you will take.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
You'll find lots of wisdom and support on this site- people who understand and care 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome gitland
It's difficult facing up to the consequences of our drinking, and it's hard to look at our life and know that we'll have to make massive changes to it to stay sober - but it really is worth it. I'm alive again, and I never expected that after 20 years of drinking.
You're not alone here either - there's a lot of support
You seem to have a great attitude - I'm glad you found us
D
It's difficult facing up to the consequences of our drinking, and it's hard to look at our life and know that we'll have to make massive changes to it to stay sober - but it really is worth it. I'm alive again, and I never expected that after 20 years of drinking.
You're not alone here either - there's a lot of support
You seem to have a great attitude - I'm glad you found us
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 244
Hey best of luck whatever you decide.
Stop now and stay stopped. Do not touch another drop. Stop thinking about your wife's drinking. You can only be responsible for your own.
Make one last gargantuan effort to mend the relationship. Kiss ass, turn a blind eye to her drinking, clean the house, cook etc. ask for one more chance.
if you can save the relationship for a time your wife may discover her own way out of alcoholism. Then you both have a chance.
I hope you don't resent my advice but they say you should make no changes in early sobriety. The kids will benefit too. You can always leave in 6 months. Best of luck.
Stop now and stay stopped. Do not touch another drop. Stop thinking about your wife's drinking. You can only be responsible for your own.
Make one last gargantuan effort to mend the relationship. Kiss ass, turn a blind eye to her drinking, clean the house, cook etc. ask for one more chance.
if you can save the relationship for a time your wife may discover her own way out of alcoholism. Then you both have a chance.
I hope you don't resent my advice but they say you should make no changes in early sobriety. The kids will benefit too. You can always leave in 6 months. Best of luck.
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