Time can release as well as imprison
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Time can release as well as imprison
Time can release as well as imprison.
Growing up in an alcoholic house. The crazy of day to day... Moment to moment.
I was a prisoner to time. I knew the moment he drove up. I knew the moment the ice cubes hit the bottom of the glass. I knew by the length of pour what kind of night it would be. Could I be seen? Would he come find me? My prison was small tiny moments of time.
Now as the adult alcoholic and drug addict I have spent much time.... Over a decade... imprisoned.
It can be argued that the drugs and drinking imprisoned me. But from this point of view time held me tightest.
I never left that house where I heard the door... The pour... The footsteps.
I spent time... My time. Time all those years drinking my free present away. Gone. I allowed my today to exist only in that past.
Then about two years ago I figured out I had a real addiction. Crack. Drinking. Everything.
To compound the issues I suddenly was now imprisoned within my prison.
Guilt, shame, remorse, financial debt that still burdens me. A new prison for my mind to overcome. How do I deal?
Fact: The past, present and future are not continuous.
By what I was doing to myself I was linking the past and the future together with shot after shot. Puff after puff.
In those moments the present never existed. I decide my future was nothing before I even tried.
There is something real in "one day at a time" ... "Live for the moment" ... "We only have today"
The release from my prison was leaving that house never to return. I can never walk through that door again. It does not exist.
When I struggle at that special time of day I remember....
The past, present and future are not continuous.
I only have one of the three at any given moment. I ask myself which am I in? And it helps. It helps me a lot.
Growing up in an alcoholic house. The crazy of day to day... Moment to moment.
I was a prisoner to time. I knew the moment he drove up. I knew the moment the ice cubes hit the bottom of the glass. I knew by the length of pour what kind of night it would be. Could I be seen? Would he come find me? My prison was small tiny moments of time.
Now as the adult alcoholic and drug addict I have spent much time.... Over a decade... imprisoned.
It can be argued that the drugs and drinking imprisoned me. But from this point of view time held me tightest.
I never left that house where I heard the door... The pour... The footsteps.
I spent time... My time. Time all those years drinking my free present away. Gone. I allowed my today to exist only in that past.
Then about two years ago I figured out I had a real addiction. Crack. Drinking. Everything.
To compound the issues I suddenly was now imprisoned within my prison.
Guilt, shame, remorse, financial debt that still burdens me. A new prison for my mind to overcome. How do I deal?
Fact: The past, present and future are not continuous.
By what I was doing to myself I was linking the past and the future together with shot after shot. Puff after puff.
In those moments the present never existed. I decide my future was nothing before I even tried.
There is something real in "one day at a time" ... "Live for the moment" ... "We only have today"
The release from my prison was leaving that house never to return. I can never walk through that door again. It does not exist.
When I struggle at that special time of day I remember....
The past, present and future are not continuous.
I only have one of the three at any given moment. I ask myself which am I in? And it helps. It helps me a lot.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Ken- Thank you, so much for your post. I am not an ACOA, but I still feel a lot of the same feelings. I look at anything that doesn't work to my favor today, as a result of what I did in the past, realistic or not.
I'd forgotten bad things happen, good things happen, it can or cannot do with addiction. My nursing license is gone - that's a fact. I just got a job because I have a degree as a nurse, never expected THAT!!
Struggling in many ways, but also grateful that I'm not where I used to be. I've not been to prison, but I have been in jail. I don't want to be there any more.
Your post reminded me that I don't need to imprison myself. I can't undo all my wrongs, but I can do my best to make amends and be a better person. I do it daily, and good or bad days, I give thanks because I'm not the crack addict I used to be.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'd forgotten bad things happen, good things happen, it can or cannot do with addiction. My nursing license is gone - that's a fact. I just got a job because I have a degree as a nurse, never expected THAT!!
Struggling in many ways, but also grateful that I'm not where I used to be. I've not been to prison, but I have been in jail. I don't want to be there any more.
Your post reminded me that I don't need to imprison myself. I can't undo all my wrongs, but I can do my best to make amends and be a better person. I do it daily, and good or bad days, I give thanks because I'm not the crack addict I used to be.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 15
That was quite inspirational. I get so wrapped up in the past and forget what a beautiful time it is right now, in this moment. Its amazing how we all have our troublesome past, but we all want to live better today. I really enjoyed your post.
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