Divorced as of Jan 2
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Northwest
Posts: 25
Divorced as of Jan 2
Hello
It has been a while since I have posted on here. I reread all my posts about my then husband's drinking and how it was affecting my life and our daughters. This was in June 2013. In July of 2013, I made my now ex move out as the 4th of July evening my daughter and I sat home waiting for him to set off fireworks with us. He ended up coming home, but his friends wife was driving his pickup and he was drunk inside. needless to say, we got into bad arguement and no fireworks were set off. This was the last straw for me. I had him move out hoping and praying that he would miss his family and realize what he had done to us. Boy was I wrong. He moved out and we did go to a few marriage counseling sessions and we both at the time wanted to try to work things out. Well, he was enjoying his single life way too much and progressively got more and more distant, left town without a word to me or my daughter(his family lives out of state) and when we finally did talk, he didn't know what he wanted anymore. He didn't want to come back and have me threaten divorce, have me gripe about how much he drank, he didn't want that and I really didn't either. He obviously hadn't cut down or even thought about it. A few weeks later we saw him driving around with my sister and laws sister and later found out that he was seeing her and he was leaving to go see her. We were still married the whole time and I was crushed. Anyhow, after that I filed for divorce, he signed and it was final Jan 2 2014. Though I initiated him moving out and filed for divorce, I am still having a hard time dealing with how this all played out. I never thought for one second we would end up this way. When reading my prior posts, I almost started crying going back and remembering how miserable I was when he was with us. Why am I sad now? After 17 years I have alot of good memories but so many bad, alcohol involved ones too. He moved 1/4 block from us and hasn't spent any time with our 10 year old daughter since Nov 18. He took her to breakfast. Since my daughter saw him with her aunts sister, she has wanted nothing to do with him. This is way to close to home for us. She was like an aunt to my daughter, now daddy is with her? He has not tried to protect my daughter from being hurt. Had this woman with him before we divorced and only a few days after it was final. Anyhow, I am trying my best to get on with my life..its hard!!
It has been a while since I have posted on here. I reread all my posts about my then husband's drinking and how it was affecting my life and our daughters. This was in June 2013. In July of 2013, I made my now ex move out as the 4th of July evening my daughter and I sat home waiting for him to set off fireworks with us. He ended up coming home, but his friends wife was driving his pickup and he was drunk inside. needless to say, we got into bad arguement and no fireworks were set off. This was the last straw for me. I had him move out hoping and praying that he would miss his family and realize what he had done to us. Boy was I wrong. He moved out and we did go to a few marriage counseling sessions and we both at the time wanted to try to work things out. Well, he was enjoying his single life way too much and progressively got more and more distant, left town without a word to me or my daughter(his family lives out of state) and when we finally did talk, he didn't know what he wanted anymore. He didn't want to come back and have me threaten divorce, have me gripe about how much he drank, he didn't want that and I really didn't either. He obviously hadn't cut down or even thought about it. A few weeks later we saw him driving around with my sister and laws sister and later found out that he was seeing her and he was leaving to go see her. We were still married the whole time and I was crushed. Anyhow, after that I filed for divorce, he signed and it was final Jan 2 2014. Though I initiated him moving out and filed for divorce, I am still having a hard time dealing with how this all played out. I never thought for one second we would end up this way. When reading my prior posts, I almost started crying going back and remembering how miserable I was when he was with us. Why am I sad now? After 17 years I have alot of good memories but so many bad, alcohol involved ones too. He moved 1/4 block from us and hasn't spent any time with our 10 year old daughter since Nov 18. He took her to breakfast. Since my daughter saw him with her aunts sister, she has wanted nothing to do with him. This is way to close to home for us. She was like an aunt to my daughter, now daddy is with her? He has not tried to protect my daughter from being hurt. Had this woman with him before we divorced and only a few days after it was final. Anyhow, I am trying my best to get on with my life..its hard!!
Last edited by luvcaitlin; 02-26-2014 at 03:20 PM. Reason: type o
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Luvcaitlin, I hope your house is peaceful. I hope your daughter is doing great in school and has a smile for you each day. I hope you two sit on the couch watching cartoons or the latest girl power show.
I hope you have a job you like - something that manages to pay the bills and let time fly by when you are there. I hope you've found at least one outlet for the stress of what you have been going through - whether it is exercise, journaling, counseling, SR, or al anon. I hope your daughter's school and perhaps a church are also good communities for you. A place to feel that you belong.
I hope the best for you, even if your XAH is wandering around with 'auntie' a half block away.
I hope you have a job you like - something that manages to pay the bills and let time fly by when you are there. I hope you've found at least one outlet for the stress of what you have been going through - whether it is exercise, journaling, counseling, SR, or al anon. I hope your daughter's school and perhaps a church are also good communities for you. A place to feel that you belong.
I hope the best for you, even if your XAH is wandering around with 'auntie' a half block away.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Look at how far you've come and the safe world you've created for your family. What an amazing, difficult, life-changing, empowering year. Don't forget to thank yourself for all of the hard work.
I had a similar ride, including the other woman.
I hit the end of the rope.
I couldn't make it work, my appeals to him did nothing.
"I just don't know what I want."
To "save" myself and the kids I put the D-word in motion. Almost robotically I climbed buildings in a single bound.
No task was too big...coordinate, negotiate, settle, move.
Months rolled by holding it barely together.
I'm not really sure how it all fell into place.
And then one day I woke up in my new place, looked in the mirror and said...
I'm divorced.
I don't believe in divorce.
I'm a single parent.
My kids are from a dysfunctional home.
This wasn't what I wanted at all.
What the heck happened to my life?
Who am I?
And then I looked around.
It was quiet.
My kids were LAUGHING.
Their friends were here laughing with them.
They were joyful...in my home.
And I felt peace.
And I knew I'd figure out the answers to all of those questions. And it didn't matter if it took time. Because for the first time in 20 years, I was emotionally safe. And I was in complete control of what comes next. Who cares that I have no idea what it will be?
Relish the small things if you can.
It will get better.
Oh, and yes my kids still fight and argue with me and struggle with all of our dysfunction.
But it will all work out.
Hugs and prayers.
I had a similar ride, including the other woman.
I hit the end of the rope.
I couldn't make it work, my appeals to him did nothing.
"I just don't know what I want."
To "save" myself and the kids I put the D-word in motion. Almost robotically I climbed buildings in a single bound.
No task was too big...coordinate, negotiate, settle, move.
Months rolled by holding it barely together.
I'm not really sure how it all fell into place.
And then one day I woke up in my new place, looked in the mirror and said...
I'm divorced.
I don't believe in divorce.
I'm a single parent.
My kids are from a dysfunctional home.
This wasn't what I wanted at all.
What the heck happened to my life?
Who am I?
And then I looked around.
It was quiet.
My kids were LAUGHING.
Their friends were here laughing with them.
They were joyful...in my home.
And I felt peace.
And I knew I'd figure out the answers to all of those questions. And it didn't matter if it took time. Because for the first time in 20 years, I was emotionally safe. And I was in complete control of what comes next. Who cares that I have no idea what it will be?
Relish the small things if you can.
It will get better.
Oh, and yes my kids still fight and argue with me and struggle with all of our dysfunction.
But it will all work out.
Hugs and prayers.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi LC, no matter how much you needed to separate, it's always a blow when they start seeing someone else. It's not logical but after 17 years, of course you're going to grieve. Seeing him on a regular basis doesn't help either.
He hasn't stopped drinking, and probably his new friend will get as sick of it as you did.
Hold your head up, concentrate on your home and lovely daughter. I hope you build a new life to be proud of, and I'm sure you will.
He hasn't stopped drinking, and probably his new friend will get as sick of it as you did.
Hold your head up, concentrate on your home and lovely daughter. I hope you build a new life to be proud of, and I'm sure you will.
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