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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NJ
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Newbie
Hello all. I am new to the forum. I am a 24 year old woman who has been with my 25 year old fiance since 2010. He is an addict. His main drugs of choice are opiates and stimulants. He is diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. He is currently in the hospital for his depression, delusions, and to get off of Exalgo which he is prescribed to help curb his addiction. He says he's going to be clean when he comes back but understandably I'm wary because he has been in rehab several times and even in a halfway house. The problem is he doesn't want to get clean. I was hoping by joining this forum that I would be able to meet people in similar situations and that I could relate to. It's been really hard lately and I need to talk to people that understand what I've been going through. Thanks for reading! Sorry it's so long.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
Tough love is helpful.
Enabling is very common. I'd suggest you go to AlAnon, because those who put up with us drunks/druggies (which are both the same by the way) are usually just as sick as the user and abuser.
You cant force anyone to be sober.
Everyone has to hit a bottom sooner or later, and pain is the touchstone to change.
Perhaps the rehab and halfway house is his bottom.
Maybe the streets and pysch ward is next.
Perhaps a pen bit will help.
Enabling is very common. I'd suggest you go to AlAnon, because those who put up with us drunks/druggies (which are both the same by the way) are usually just as sick as the user and abuser.
You cant force anyone to be sober.
Everyone has to hit a bottom sooner or later, and pain is the touchstone to change.
Perhaps the rehab and halfway house is his bottom.
Maybe the streets and pysch ward is next.
Perhaps a pen bit will help.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Take a look at our friends and families forum. Lots of insight there from others in your position.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by ImChance 
I'm new here also....but welcome to SR 
I think it wouldn't hurt to invite your fiance to visit the forums here.
Be strong!
David
I think it wouldn't hurt to invite your fiance to visit the forums here.
Be strong!
David
That's a good idea. Thanks! 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Mags1
Hi ktm and welcome to SR. I have not experience with partners with addictions as I was the drinker but someone will be come along and help you out.
Just wanted to say hello x
Just wanted to say hello x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by matt4x4
Tough love is helpful.
Enabling is very common. I'd suggest you go to AlAnon, because those who put up with us drunks/druggies (which are both the same by the way) are usually just as sick as the user and abuser.
You cant force anyone to be sober.
Everyone has to hit a bottom sooner or later, and pain is the touchstone to change.
Perhaps the rehab and halfway house is his bottom.
Maybe the streets and pysch ward is next.
Perhaps a pen bit will help.
Enabling is very common. I'd suggest you go to AlAnon, because those who put up with us drunks/druggies (which are both the same by the way) are usually just as sick as the user and abuser.
You cant force anyone to be sober.
Everyone has to hit a bottom sooner or later, and pain is the touchstone to change.
Perhaps the rehab and halfway house is his bottom.
Maybe the streets and pysch ward is next.
Perhaps a pen bit will help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rural Colorado
Posts: 376
Just wanted to say welcome. I had a boyfriend in a similar situation when I was your age (I am 48 now). It was very challenging to say the least. Back then I wasn't drinking as much as I did in my 30s and 40s and I did not see myself as an alcoholic. Now I know I am an alcoholic. That is kind of not the point of my response though. What I wanted to say is this is going to be a long, hard road and you are young. Make sure you take care of yourself first. Others may disagree with me but I'd be very careful too. If your fiance does not want to get sober there is not much chance he will (based entirely on my own experience here). But you have your own life and your own path. I hope you get the support you need here. It is a great place.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by 2bhappier
Just wanted to say welcome. I had a boyfriend in a similar situation when I was your age (I am 48 now). It was very challenging to say the least. Back then I wasn't drinking as much as I did in my 30s and 40s and I did not see myself as an alcoholic. Now I know I am an alcoholic. That is kind of not the point of my response though. What I wanted to say is this is going to be a long, hard road and you are young. Make sure you take care of yourself first. Others may disagree with me but I'd be very careful too. If your fiance does not want to get sober there is not much chance he will (based entirely on my own experience here). But you have your own life and your own path. I hope you get the support you need here. It is a great place.
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