New a little confused..,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5
New a little confused..,
Hi guys,
I joined today after stumbling across this forum, I'm so happy places like this exist! Just reading through the different threads are great, actually seeing other people have issues is (in a nice way of course) a little reassuring.
I'm at the very early stages of my recovery, after 8 years of binge drinking 2/3 times a week I've realised I need to change. I simply cannot stop once I've started, to the point I was sneaking drinks when out with friends, getting myself into situations where I could always squeeze in an extra drink and it always ending up in tears.
I've known for a long time it's been an issue but I almost enjoyed the buzz of going out and turning into an alter ego, someone I wasn't, it was a release. On a trip to Berlin last year, waking up in a random hospital was the final straw.
After a wobbly start I managed to get to 30 days sober and then stupidly experimented controlled drinking which ended badly but am back sober now for 10 days. The main problem I see is in the coming months there are events coming up like weddings and trips away with friends that I cannot see past. How do people deal with trips away with the friends you used to drink with? Do I need to cut these people out if my life completely? I'm really not sure the best way to approach this without cutting myself off from the vast majority of my friends.
I am only 26 and my friendship group, whilst strong is completely based around my previous activities... Which was going out on the beer or football. Has anyone else had similar problems?
Thank you and nice to meet you all.
Woody (sorry for rambling on!)
I joined today after stumbling across this forum, I'm so happy places like this exist! Just reading through the different threads are great, actually seeing other people have issues is (in a nice way of course) a little reassuring.
I'm at the very early stages of my recovery, after 8 years of binge drinking 2/3 times a week I've realised I need to change. I simply cannot stop once I've started, to the point I was sneaking drinks when out with friends, getting myself into situations where I could always squeeze in an extra drink and it always ending up in tears.
I've known for a long time it's been an issue but I almost enjoyed the buzz of going out and turning into an alter ego, someone I wasn't, it was a release. On a trip to Berlin last year, waking up in a random hospital was the final straw.
After a wobbly start I managed to get to 30 days sober and then stupidly experimented controlled drinking which ended badly but am back sober now for 10 days. The main problem I see is in the coming months there are events coming up like weddings and trips away with friends that I cannot see past. How do people deal with trips away with the friends you used to drink with? Do I need to cut these people out if my life completely? I'm really not sure the best way to approach this without cutting myself off from the vast majority of my friends.
I am only 26 and my friendship group, whilst strong is completely based around my previous activities... Which was going out on the beer or football. Has anyone else had similar problems?
Thank you and nice to meet you all.
Woody (sorry for rambling on!)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 112
Welcome to SR, it is reassuring to know there are other people who suffer from similar problems, I felt very much alone in my issues before finding this site.
I can't help with what to do about your drinking friends as I have the same problem, I'm only 13 days sober so haven't come across a lot of social gatherings yet. But there are lots coming up.
There will be lots of support and suggestions from people who have been in your situation so read and post.
I can't help with what to do about your drinking friends as I have the same problem, I'm only 13 days sober so haven't come across a lot of social gatherings yet. But there are lots coming up.
There will be lots of support and suggestions from people who have been in your situation so read and post.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi woody
I stayed away from all things like that until I was sure that nothing or noone would sway me.
For me that took a few months.
I figured it wouldn't be the last trip or last wedding or last party I'd ever go too.
I also figured when it came down to it I wouldn't be missed that much.
I'd put my drinking first for over 20 years - it was time to put my recovery first for a while.
D
I stayed away from all things like that until I was sure that nothing or noone would sway me.
For me that took a few months.
I figured it wouldn't be the last trip or last wedding or last party I'd ever go too.
I also figured when it came down to it I wouldn't be missed that much.
I'd put my drinking first for over 20 years - it was time to put my recovery first for a while.
D
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Give yourself some time as it can't happen overnight but eventually you will have the strength and determination to attend events that you used to drink at w/o drinking. As an example... I go to a lot of concerts and I used to drink beer and smoke pot during the shows. Now, I get to stay in my seat, enjoy the show and remember the entire show clearly w/o having to hit the bar or bathroom.
In my case, I did have to distance myself from 'friends', who all I did was drink and smoke pot with, in order to maintain my sobriety. Soon you will realize who your real friends are because those who were just drinking buddies will not call or come around.
Misery loves company and so do alcoholics.....
In my case, I did have to distance myself from 'friends', who all I did was drink and smoke pot with, in order to maintain my sobriety. Soon you will realize who your real friends are because those who were just drinking buddies will not call or come around.
Misery loves company and so do alcoholics.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 430
Hi Woody! Welcome to SR!
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, especially about the binge drinking and drinking friends. When I was first trying to get sober, I really struggled when I found myself at an event that was alcohol-heavy. I wanted sobriety, but the booze was calling my name! It was miserable. I finally found it easier to isolate for a while and let my friends do their own things until I could comfortably be in their presence without having to spend all my energy (and good humor) fighting my AV.
A little over a year later, I've found that I don't feel nearly so tempted when others are drinking, and I can relax a bit more, enjoy their company, and not spend so much energy resisting the alcohol. At the same time, if I know that the purpose of the party or the outing is to drink, I usually excuse myself. Most of my friends are respectful of my decision not to drink, but I no longer associate with those who are not.
It's a worthwhile journey you've started. I'm glad you're here!
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, especially about the binge drinking and drinking friends. When I was first trying to get sober, I really struggled when I found myself at an event that was alcohol-heavy. I wanted sobriety, but the booze was calling my name! It was miserable. I finally found it easier to isolate for a while and let my friends do their own things until I could comfortably be in their presence without having to spend all my energy (and good humor) fighting my AV.
A little over a year later, I've found that I don't feel nearly so tempted when others are drinking, and I can relax a bit more, enjoy their company, and not spend so much energy resisting the alcohol. At the same time, if I know that the purpose of the party or the outing is to drink, I usually excuse myself. Most of my friends are respectful of my decision not to drink, but I no longer associate with those who are not.
It's a worthwhile journey you've started. I'm glad you're here!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome Woody. I'm glad you found us. It really helps to not be alone with this. I felt so much better when I came here & realized everyone understood what I was going through.
I think we're all different where being tempted is concerned. By the time I quit I was in terrible shape - & relieved to have it out of my life. I remember being a little resentful my first holiday season when everyone was drinking - but I got past that and felt lucky to be clear headed and sane. It's hard being younger and faced with social situations with friends who drink. As the others said, in your early recovery days you may have to avoid some of those activities. You will feel more confident as you get some sober time behind you.
I think we're all different where being tempted is concerned. By the time I quit I was in terrible shape - & relieved to have it out of my life. I remember being a little resentful my first holiday season when everyone was drinking - but I got past that and felt lucky to be clear headed and sane. It's hard being younger and faced with social situations with friends who drink. As the others said, in your early recovery days you may have to avoid some of those activities. You will feel more confident as you get some sober time behind you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5
Thanks guys, it's good to hear things get easier. I'm guessing the more people I let know the better? I've only told a small number of close friends, who have been great, but it does feel quite a shameful and embarrassing thing to have to tell people.
I can't tell you how happy I am I found this forum, all your comments are really appreciated and have already given me a boost!
I can't tell you how happy I am I found this forum, all your comments are really appreciated and have already given me a boost!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Hi Woody,
Yes, it does get better, and you might find that your interests change and some of your friends change too. You don't need to tell anybody that you're an alcoholic, unless you think it might be beneficial to you. I have found that my recovery journey is very personal and I don't tell people that I don't drink. I simply say 'No, thanks'. Hang in there and know that you will be able to enjoy life and friends, even though some things might change.
Yes, it does get better, and you might find that your interests change and some of your friends change too. You don't need to tell anybody that you're an alcoholic, unless you think it might be beneficial to you. I have found that my recovery journey is very personal and I don't tell people that I don't drink. I simply say 'No, thanks'. Hang in there and know that you will be able to enjoy life and friends, even though some things might change.
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