5 short chapters
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 93
5 short chapters
Hello again SR. I had an unexpected visit from my ex-addict on Valentines day. It has been about 4 years since our divorce. The last year or so there has been very little contact. I finally started to engage in a romantic relationship a few months ago with a woman who makes me smile a lot...even if I don't want to and especially if I do.
On Valentines day I was at my house and I got a text from the ex "I am going to stop by to drop something off". I had not even finished reading the text and she was knocking on my door. I opened it, she walk in, said she had been having back problems and was on pain pills (her drug of choice) by doctor's orders, handed me some chocolate and a card, started to cry and then promptly left. I was still standing in my living room holding the chocolate...every button I had was pushed in under 2 minutes of seeing her.
I had not been to my mens meeting in a while and I had not seen my councilor in a while either. My life was drama free. I was very unprepared and had forgotten where I had laid my boundaries and how to defend them. I called my councilor and made an appointment. That was yesterday. She called today and I was fully able to voice my feelings and was not nearly as defeated when I got off the phone. SR would have been proud..."you can't just stop by, I am moving on with my life, I hope you find your happiness because I am going to find mine, etc." She did not even remember stopping by on Valentines day. Beyond eating crow and coming back to SR to say hi, I wanted to post something my councilor gave me (it has probably been posted thousands of times here, I mean it is a classic). It summed up how I felt perfectly and has been in my head since I read it. It was written by Portia Nelson.
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
I've been walking around that hole for a while trying to get to another street and I am still socked after all these years at how immediate and painful that hole is. I still think I can make it and I might have been kicked in the butt on Valentines day to remind me that I was still on my old street and time's wasting.
On Valentines day I was at my house and I got a text from the ex "I am going to stop by to drop something off". I had not even finished reading the text and she was knocking on my door. I opened it, she walk in, said she had been having back problems and was on pain pills (her drug of choice) by doctor's orders, handed me some chocolate and a card, started to cry and then promptly left. I was still standing in my living room holding the chocolate...every button I had was pushed in under 2 minutes of seeing her.
I had not been to my mens meeting in a while and I had not seen my councilor in a while either. My life was drama free. I was very unprepared and had forgotten where I had laid my boundaries and how to defend them. I called my councilor and made an appointment. That was yesterday. She called today and I was fully able to voice my feelings and was not nearly as defeated when I got off the phone. SR would have been proud..."you can't just stop by, I am moving on with my life, I hope you find your happiness because I am going to find mine, etc." She did not even remember stopping by on Valentines day. Beyond eating crow and coming back to SR to say hi, I wanted to post something my councilor gave me (it has probably been posted thousands of times here, I mean it is a classic). It summed up how I felt perfectly and has been in my head since I read it. It was written by Portia Nelson.
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
I've been walking around that hole for a while trying to get to another street and I am still socked after all these years at how immediate and painful that hole is. I still think I can make it and I might have been kicked in the butt on Valentines day to remind me that I was still on my old street and time's wasting.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Love this, thanks for sharing! Sounds like she kind of took you by storm, you didn't even have time to set boundaries! And you set them afterward at your first opportunity and found some support from a counselor. Sounds to me like you're at least at Chapter IV, and you've maybe even moved on to Chapter V!
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