New member, looking for support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 3
New member, looking for support
Hi all. I'm just beginning to come to terms with the idea that my drinking is out of control. I am not a daily drinker, but a binge drinker. My husband and I drink on the weekends--have done so for the past 10 years--and for me that means drinking until I pass out nearly every time. If I could manage only a bottle of wine that would be an excellent night for me. Usually I have something like 10 drinks (I'm very petite so this is quite significant), and sneak some behind my husbands back and beg him for more if he tells me we're done. Then I somehow teleport to bed where I wake the next day feeling sick and ashamed. Not pretty.
My life is not a "wreck", but I do suffer near weekly blackouts and I hate having to read my husband's face to try and see what level of stupid I reached the night before since I can't usually remember. He also drinks quite a lot but has a level of control over it that I haven't ever. I've tried to cut back, quit, take a month off, and the longest I've gone (aside from pregnancy) was three weeks.
My parents were both alcoholics, but in the daily drinking, hide their bottles around the house, violent outburst, DUI kind of way. I have told myself for 10 years that I can't have a problem since I'm nothing like them. My husband and I are financially stable with good community standing. We have well behaved, high achieving children. I've never come close to being in trouble with the law, or anything of that nature. No one would guess that when I start drinking, it feels impossible for me to stop.
This is the first time ever discussing this. I feel a great amount of shame over my situation. I told my husband this weekend that I need to quit and that I'm scared that I can't. He seemed genuinely surprised to hear that I've attempted to a million times on my own, since I've never been open with him about it. He is very supportive, however I know that he doesn't particularly want to cut back himself. I'm worried what that will mean with so much alcohol in the house.
AA is not an option because I'm overseas. I'm not comfortable seeking medical help because of work related issues. I'm hoping that I find enough support around the web to get me through--I'd really love to stop depending on alcohol to help me relax, as it clearly doesn't do that for me anymore. It has literally become a habit--Friday night rolls around and that's all it takes. Tips to get past that initial itch would be awesome. Thanks all.
My life is not a "wreck", but I do suffer near weekly blackouts and I hate having to read my husband's face to try and see what level of stupid I reached the night before since I can't usually remember. He also drinks quite a lot but has a level of control over it that I haven't ever. I've tried to cut back, quit, take a month off, and the longest I've gone (aside from pregnancy) was three weeks.
My parents were both alcoholics, but in the daily drinking, hide their bottles around the house, violent outburst, DUI kind of way. I have told myself for 10 years that I can't have a problem since I'm nothing like them. My husband and I are financially stable with good community standing. We have well behaved, high achieving children. I've never come close to being in trouble with the law, or anything of that nature. No one would guess that when I start drinking, it feels impossible for me to stop.
This is the first time ever discussing this. I feel a great amount of shame over my situation. I told my husband this weekend that I need to quit and that I'm scared that I can't. He seemed genuinely surprised to hear that I've attempted to a million times on my own, since I've never been open with him about it. He is very supportive, however I know that he doesn't particularly want to cut back himself. I'm worried what that will mean with so much alcohol in the house.
AA is not an option because I'm overseas. I'm not comfortable seeking medical help because of work related issues. I'm hoping that I find enough support around the web to get me through--I'd really love to stop depending on alcohol to help me relax, as it clearly doesn't do that for me anymore. It has literally become a habit--Friday night rolls around and that's all it takes. Tips to get past that initial itch would be awesome. Thanks all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 24
Your story sounds a lot like mine, I can probably count on one hand the number of times in the past twenty years I had anything to drink on a weekday, but for a good 15 of those years, the weekend was two days and nights of drinking followed by two days of misery. A little over two years ago I decided to give up the weekends. Not where I need to be yet, but in a better place than I was. Hope things work out for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
A lot of what you wrote describes me as well....
A professional of good standing, a good father, a good career, a lot of things going for me....
But a strong and increasing tendency toward out of control binge drinking that has worsened over the years and came to include DUI and legal and relationship troubles - all of which I handily rationalized for many years.
I've been down that trying to quit on my own in secret road too... trying to moderate... fighting that battle.... winding up losing it every time.
Congratulations on this step. You don't have to keep doing this, you don't have to continue the cycle.... and you don't have to have a boring, sacrificing, miserable life because of it. In fact, you get to have a far richer, more wonderful, MEMORABLE and rewarding life than ever.
You can do it.
A professional of good standing, a good father, a good career, a lot of things going for me....
But a strong and increasing tendency toward out of control binge drinking that has worsened over the years and came to include DUI and legal and relationship troubles - all of which I handily rationalized for many years.
I've been down that trying to quit on my own in secret road too... trying to moderate... fighting that battle.... winding up losing it every time.
Congratulations on this step. You don't have to keep doing this, you don't have to continue the cycle.... and you don't have to have a boring, sacrificing, miserable life because of it. In fact, you get to have a far richer, more wonderful, MEMORABLE and rewarding life than ever.
You can do it.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome to SR-glad you found us! You'll find lots of tips here, you're not alone.
Trying to moderate, or set limits, or make rules for yourself rarely works, as you've found out. You might be amazed to find out it's easier to abstain altogether. It's such a relief not to feel the guilt and guess what you did or said. Nice to wake up without a headache too
Trying to moderate, or set limits, or make rules for yourself rarely works, as you've found out. You might be amazed to find out it's easier to abstain altogether. It's such a relief not to feel the guilt and guess what you did or said. Nice to wake up without a headache too
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 246
Lots of your post resonates with me. My life isnt a wreck, but I decided that i would love to avoid losing everything/hitting bottom that people talk about. Or maybe just as bad, being in a pattern im not happy with for the foreseeable future. Habit is a powerful word. The reason i started here last week is because i decided i needed new habits. Your title says you are asking for support and you will not believe the amount of it you will get here. Welcome and good luck!!
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I used not getting into legal trouble, having a good job and clean bills of health as reasons that I can't be alcoholic. I'm in the same weekend boat with husband. I white knuckled weekends when sober. I have no tips or tricks that work yet. I think just being here shows you want to try change. We don't need to be weekend warriors anymore.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 56
I really relate to what all of you say.
I have a good stable job that I enjoy very much and the most wonderful spouse and two young daughters ever, yet somehow I have let alcohol come in. It really started to scare me when I felt my control getting lost and the last few nights before stopping I just literally couldn't stop drinking everything in the house, wake up next morning swearing that was it, and by noon had visited the liquor store again. Just brutal. I think if it continued I would have has some serious trouble somehow.
In any case, good on you for taking the first step , and rest assured that you are in the right place.
I'm day 12 right now and seriously loving it.
I have a good stable job that I enjoy very much and the most wonderful spouse and two young daughters ever, yet somehow I have let alcohol come in. It really started to scare me when I felt my control getting lost and the last few nights before stopping I just literally couldn't stop drinking everything in the house, wake up next morning swearing that was it, and by noon had visited the liquor store again. Just brutal. I think if it continued I would have has some serious trouble somehow.
In any case, good on you for taking the first step , and rest assured that you are in the right place.
I'm day 12 right now and seriously loving it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,277
I relate a lot with you as well. Never been arrested or had a DUI. My husband and I use to only binge drink on the weekends but the binge drinking somehow keeps making its way to Monday and Tuesday. Biggest issue is not remembering, embarrassing myself and/or upsetting my husband (oh and feeling like a mess the next day).Mostly feeling like I lack control. My parents were both alcoholics too. This forum has been insightful and very supportive. Glad you are here
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 24
As far as tips, wish I had some better ones, but all I can tell you is what I did. Instead of finding something else to do with my weekends, I basically pretended weekends didn't exist. Friday nights I came right home from work, did the same as Thursday, dinner, TV, internet, etc. For a while I used to lock my cell phone in my desk, so there was no chance of meeting up with anyone. Saturdays were a little harder, but same idea,. While I had moderate success with this, I guess it left a hole in my life which has not been filled yet which is something I need to work on. But despite the boredom, it did get me started.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
I too am a petite girl and knocking back a bottle or more of wine a night week nights and binging on weekends is like a double hit for us compared to average sized people and men. I just watched two UK documentaries in the last few days on what it does to our bodies and how much we should drink to be considered "safe". I would say I would have probably tripled that easily if not more. Really a safe level is surprisingly low, certainly a "unit" which is what they measure by is about half of what my wine glass holds. I know my body/stomach hurts when I binge. I don't want to die young, I want to see my daughter succeed in life and have grandchildren. I can't stop at one.
Maybe if you ask your husband to help you by keeping alcohol out of the house. It is hard to expect someone else to give up when you have the problem. My husband can just have one and that's it - wish I could swap shoes with him! Best wishes x
Maybe if you ask your husband to help you by keeping alcohol out of the house. It is hard to expect someone else to give up when you have the problem. My husband can just have one and that's it - wish I could swap shoes with him! Best wishes x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Heaven & Earth
Posts: 50
Hi there,
Well you have found a wonderful place that is filled with supportive people. I'm what you would call a functioning/working alcoholic. I would drink and work twice as hard as anyone around me. I would get promoted to wonderful positions and I thought, "wow, this alcohol is more like a genie in a bottle. It grants my wishes." NOT! Eventually, it stopped being fun and every time I would drink, something bad was bound to happen.
Guilt...shame...I'm sure everyone on this site will tell you that they have felt the same way. Once the fog lifts from your mind, you begin to realize exactly what you have done to yourself, your body, family, friends, you name it. At least that is what I went through just last week.
Keep coming back and keep reading and posting. Make it a daily habit if you can. Glad to see you are trying to stop...that's the first step, admitting that it's a problem.
Well you have found a wonderful place that is filled with supportive people. I'm what you would call a functioning/working alcoholic. I would drink and work twice as hard as anyone around me. I would get promoted to wonderful positions and I thought, "wow, this alcohol is more like a genie in a bottle. It grants my wishes." NOT! Eventually, it stopped being fun and every time I would drink, something bad was bound to happen.
Guilt...shame...I'm sure everyone on this site will tell you that they have felt the same way. Once the fog lifts from your mind, you begin to realize exactly what you have done to yourself, your body, family, friends, you name it. At least that is what I went through just last week.
Keep coming back and keep reading and posting. Make it a daily habit if you can. Glad to see you are trying to stop...that's the first step, admitting that it's a problem.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 17
Haha ladies- my problem is always the opposite.... I figure that since I'm a big guy (tall, muscular, and overweight too) I can have two drinks and they only count as one. But on top of that I'm drinking cocktails out of pint glasses, so my reasoning is BS. Hoping I will start to trim down and get my blood pressure down.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 233
I used not getting into legal trouble, having a good job and clean bills of health as reasons that I can't be alcoholic.
I can so relate to that post and many others here. I too am a functioning alcoholic. I am not a weekend binger, more like an every other day one. But I rationalized it by cutting myself off after 6 or 7 drinks and feeling like if I didn't get plastered, I must not be a drunk.
We can tell ourselves a lot of things to make it easier to continue to drink. But come on! Six or seven drinks every other night is "normal?" No it isn't. Denial is easy, isn't it?
So what to say to help? Try changing what you are doing. Find a new habit to take on for the weekends, that helps. Try being on here for the hours you would normally spend drinking and help others. In that way, you help yourself too. It is a win, win.
So glad you are here.
I can so relate to that post and many others here. I too am a functioning alcoholic. I am not a weekend binger, more like an every other day one. But I rationalized it by cutting myself off after 6 or 7 drinks and feeling like if I didn't get plastered, I must not be a drunk.
We can tell ourselves a lot of things to make it easier to continue to drink. But come on! Six or seven drinks every other night is "normal?" No it isn't. Denial is easy, isn't it?
So what to say to help? Try changing what you are doing. Find a new habit to take on for the weekends, that helps. Try being on here for the hours you would normally spend drinking and help others. In that way, you help yourself too. It is a win, win.
So glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 3
Thank you all for your support. To be honest, I'm a little overwhelmed. I'm across the world from all of you so my Friday begins tomorrow and I'm already worried about it. I usually wake with good intentions and let them go at some point, unconsciously, so I plan to be on here quite a bit throughout the day to keep myself on track. I'm nervous but I desperately want to get over the hump of the first weekend, and then the first month. It's awesome to have an outlet here with people who understand. Thanks again.
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