Here for support =)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 42
Here for support =)
Hi all,
I have been lurking here for a couple of days since my last bout of craziness with my XAB. I rekindled a relationship with him late last summer after being apart for about 3 months. He had gotten sober, was working a program, renting his own house and seemed to be doing really well. We had previously been in an on again/off again relationship for about 3 years.
He seemed to be doing really well, staying sober and going to AA (I thought). During our Valentine's day dinner at a nice local restaurant where he showed up buzzed, he broke down and told me that he had been drinking occasionally, but that it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't the alcohol that he had a problem with. He went on to tell me that his real problem stemmed from abusing adderall without a prescription. He said he used it to stay awake and would only drink to come down from it and go to sleep. He said he was through with the pills, but felt it was okay to drink occasionally because he thought he had outgrown his wild days.
You could imagine that I broke down in tears and was thoroughly confused. I thought he was sober since August. He said I was overreacting and I picked at my food and didn't really enjoy the dinner. We spoke the following day, and he repeated his pitch again (this time sober). I told him that I couldn't be with him if he wanted to drink. Seriously, wth was he thinking??
Anyway, I guess I am here for positive reinforcement and support that I did the right thing. It seemed like a no-brainer since I have stated my boundaries to him before.
Thanks in advance for any words of encouragement or advice!
Karin
I have been lurking here for a couple of days since my last bout of craziness with my XAB. I rekindled a relationship with him late last summer after being apart for about 3 months. He had gotten sober, was working a program, renting his own house and seemed to be doing really well. We had previously been in an on again/off again relationship for about 3 years.
He seemed to be doing really well, staying sober and going to AA (I thought). During our Valentine's day dinner at a nice local restaurant where he showed up buzzed, he broke down and told me that he had been drinking occasionally, but that it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't the alcohol that he had a problem with. He went on to tell me that his real problem stemmed from abusing adderall without a prescription. He said he used it to stay awake and would only drink to come down from it and go to sleep. He said he was through with the pills, but felt it was okay to drink occasionally because he thought he had outgrown his wild days.
You could imagine that I broke down in tears and was thoroughly confused. I thought he was sober since August. He said I was overreacting and I picked at my food and didn't really enjoy the dinner. We spoke the following day, and he repeated his pitch again (this time sober). I told him that I couldn't be with him if he wanted to drink. Seriously, wth was he thinking??
Anyway, I guess I am here for positive reinforcement and support that I did the right thing. It seemed like a no-brainer since I have stated my boundaries to him before.Thanks in advance for any words of encouragement or advice!
Karin
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
In my opinion, you did the right thing. He's still drinking and probably still taking adderall. He has proven that you cannot trust him. There can be no relationship without trust.
I know it hurts, but you did the right thing in ending it. You'll get over this, but if you are serious about it truly being over, you'll probably need to block him on your phone and email. He won't stop trying to manipulate you into coming back. (((HUGS)))
I know it hurts, but you did the right thing in ending it. You'll get over this, but if you are serious about it truly being over, you'll probably need to block him on your phone and email. He won't stop trying to manipulate you into coming back. (((HUGS)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 42
Thanks, suki. I appreciate the positive reinforcement. The scary thing is that it doesn't really hurt right now - I feel ashamed for allowing him to dupe me again, but relieved at the same time.
I will not be sucked in again - blocking his phone number and email is a great idea! Thanks again.
Karin
I will not be sucked in again - blocking his phone number and email is a great idea! Thanks again.
Karin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 94
Good for you Karin. I broke up with my boyfriend 5 months ago. It's been hard, but I've made it through. Last years valentines day for me was a lot like yours. My XABF showed up drunk and high. I wish I had called it off then, but I didn't. I am glad you drew a line in the sand. Keep reading and posting. SR has done me a world of good. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by suki44883 
You'll get over this, but if you are serious about it truly being over, you'll probably need to block him on your phone and email. He won't stop trying to manipulate you into coming back. (((HUGS)))
Mine has also had an up and down ride with sobriety, some meetings, dry periods, and has a co-addiction to Xanax. So when I've spoken with him lately, and he's been "off", I don't even know what the culprit it.
I am trying to find the guts to make the Final Cut. Been working on it for a while. It was good to read your post, thanks for joining us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 42
Seasonless - Thanks for the encouragement. Glad to hear that you were able to eventually draw that line too!
spider - I appreciate your advice. For me, it will be more about ME not reaching out to HIM when I am bored or lonely. So keeping busy will be my best plan of action. Good luck to you on "making the final cut". I thought I had made it back in May last year but then I let him back into my life, believing all of the lies that he told me. And he did a great job of hiding things, too. I guess deep down inside I had a feeling that something was going on. I just couldn't put my finger on it.
I'm still feeling a bit numb today - happy with my decision, and relieved to not have to think about him. In the last month of our relationship, things had gotten a little weird. He seemed very insecure and desperate for my love. He also began making insinuations that I wasn't faithful like he used to do back when his drinking was in full swing. I should never ignore those signs.
Karin
spider - I appreciate your advice. For me, it will be more about ME not reaching out to HIM when I am bored or lonely. So keeping busy will be my best plan of action. Good luck to you on "making the final cut". I thought I had made it back in May last year but then I let him back into my life, believing all of the lies that he told me. And he did a great job of hiding things, too. I guess deep down inside I had a feeling that something was going on. I just couldn't put my finger on it.
I'm still feeling a bit numb today - happy with my decision, and relieved to not have to think about him. In the last month of our relationship, things had gotten a little weird. He seemed very insecure and desperate for my love. He also began making insinuations that I wasn't faithful like he used to do back when his drinking was in full swing. I should never ignore those signs.
Karin
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