Carejoy

I woke up this morning and I can't do this any more. I am so ashamed of myself. I am a perfectionist during the day and a wine lush at night. I panic when I do not have a box of wine in the house. I am so sick of waking up in a panic and trying to remember what I did the night before. I went out for a ladies night last night. We went to a lovely restaurant and I had on a cute new outfit. It always seems so normal and so happy. I don't know many women who do not drink wine. But there is nothing lovely about loosing my credit card and my phone and not remembering the end of the night. I can't take it any more.

soberclover

I have been where you are now. In my early recovery it was important for me to keep these memories alive as far as doing whatever I needed to do to not pick up a drink. I, too, loved drinking wine. The wine, however, did not love me back. This is a great site for support We have all been where you have and we understand. Take care of yourself today.

Nonsensical

Howdy, Neighbor!

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm not 100% sure, but is your plan to stop drinking? If so, you are right where you want to be! Tons of support and information here, so read and ask questions.

IOAA2

Congratulations and keep coming as this can be the moment the good life begins by not picking up the first drink one day at a time.

BE WELL

Carejoy

Yes - I want to stop drinking. The desire to drink is like a fever and I am getting sicker.

KateL

Hi Carejoy. There is lots of support here. xxxxxxx

least

Welcome to the family. I hope we can help you stop drinking for good.

matt4x4

Actually that is quite lovely compated to wrapping your car around a lightpost, or crashing into an entire family in a minivan. You know it could have been a lot worse, atleast losing some stuff in a blackout scared you. For me that was very minor. Nope, not every woman drinks wine, just the ones you hang out with. I wonder why that is? You love to drink wine, so you hang around people who also love to drink wine and now you are trying to get and stay sober but you cant because you dont want to lose your best friends in the world. #1 best friend is the bottle.

Carejoy

No - the horrible part was not losing stuff, it was not remembering driving home. I did not say every woman drinks wine. I realize who I am drawn to. It is not about losing my best friends in the world, because most of my drinking happens alone at night in my house. I thought I was clear that I realize the bottle IS my number one best friend. I will try to be more clear with my posts.

LillianGish

Hi Carejoy,
Former wine drinker here, and just a few months sober. I remember feeling the way you describe.

It's that feeling the next morning that helped me quit. It's been such a relief to give it up.

I'm glad you are here. This place has been very comforting to me.

SillyString

Welcome, Carejoy!
I can relate to how you feel. I finally got so sick of the hangovers and the blackouts. The anxiety and self-loathing that accompanied the blackouts just got so intense, that I couldn't take it any more. For a long time--years--I wanted to quit, but also wanted to drink. I've been sober over a month, and my anxiety is all but gone, and I don't hate myself anymore. This is so much better than drinking.

Hope you keep posting. This is a very supportive community.

InTheEnd

Hi Carejoy! You sound like me a few years back....but it only got worse for me. After many nights of "forgetfulness", I thought the answer to the guilt and panic morning after I was out was to go out less and drink at home! Brilliant plan! I only ended up isolating myself. And all that guilt/panic/anxiety? It was still there and with the added bonus of loneliness. Plus, I was drinking more than I did when I was out. I'm only on day 7 with no alcohol so I'm new to this but I'm trying. And for the record, I too didn't have to wrap my car around a lightpost or crash into a minivan to know I had a major problem with alcohol.

I hope your doing okay and just keep reading here. It really helps me knowing that most here understand.

peanutty

Hi Carejoy. I sure relate. I loved wine too but as a previous poster said at some point it stopped loving me back. Glad you're here.

2bhappier

Hi Carejoy, you are not alone. I lead the most pristine life during the day but was getting smashed with wine every single night. I find SR to be extremely supportive and helpful and I hope you do too.

FreeOwl

I loved wine for a long time too... funny enough over the last several years I hardly ever drank wine anymore. It was mostly vodka. Mostly straight.

You're making the right choice stopping this mad carriage ride now.... before it gets worse.

Welcome.

Carejoy

God it feels so good to know I am not alone! Thank you all so much!

Dee74

Welcome Carejoy

you're definitely not alone here. You'll find lots of people who with identify with your story and lots of support to help you quit

D

gleefan

I can sure relate to your story. You will find people with similar struggles here, and lots of support and encouragement to stop drinking.

jw1969

Carejoy,
For the longest I thought I was the only one who got drunk and did silly or embarrassing things that I did not remember the next day. I too drink at home alone usually, but with phones and the internet still plenty of opportunity for embarrassment. First, don't beat yourself up or feel too ashamed, that just spurs a desire to drink to forget about it. Second, as soberclover said, remember these things as reasons not to drink. Actually, you may want to keep a journal of each and every indiscretion, in detail with dates, as our drinking brain likes to erase these memories and only remember the many good times of the past to keep us drinking - we all have good drinking memories we want to repeat or we wouldn't be drinking despite problems it causes. I can remember many times that I told myself the next day "If I could only truly remember this feeling and embarrassment, I wouldn't drink again". But that agony is so easy to rationalize and forget by the next evening. Hang in there, best wishes.

Hevyn

Hi Carejoy - so good to meet you.

I was relieved too when I joined here & knew I wasn't alone in this. No one in my life had the same problem. Most friends could take it or leave it. Everyone had an 'off' switch - I didn't. Instead of admitting the problem - like you are - I went on for decades trying to control what I drank. I'm glad you've reached out for some help. You can do this.