Alkaline

Brand new here...not really looking for any specific advice, just wanted to write a few thoughts. I'm in my early 50's and until 8 days ago - I drank. A lot. You wouldn't know it as an outside observer, I never miss work, never had any run-ins with the law and my family relationships are strong - so I'm lucky. What you wouldn't know is that every day for the past 30 years I would start drinking at 5 and don't stop until bedtime. 8 or 9 beers during the week, more on weekends. Never got really drunk or did anything stupid - just pop a few Ibuprofen in the morning and off to work. I knew I drank too much but since it wasn't having any adverse effects (I thought) I could keep it up. I'd just be the guy that really liked beer. Well, I came to realize that intaking that much alcohol on a regular basis is going to have some physical effects. I developed an occasional heart arrhythmia - which I was told could be brought on by alcohol use. Woke up with a searing pain in my upper gut about 2 weeks ago and the discomfort in my toe joints (gout?) has started to bother me. So I realized that even if things look good on the outside, it's killing me eventually to keep ingesting that much alcohol.

In the past, if I wanted to 'cut back' I'd make some rule like 'no beer Mon - Thurs', but then there would be a Monday night football game, or I'd go out to grab a burger with some friends and make an exception. Once I made that first exception, the whole thing would fall apart and I'd be back to pouring beer down my gullet 7 days a week. So I'm trying something new. I'm going to try and 'reboot' my relationship with alcohol. I'm going to abstain for 100 days. So far I'm on day 9. It has not been easy. A habit that's been ingrained for 30 years doesn't give up without a fight.

Like Friday, I finished work at 5, the early spring sun was still up and I was dying to go home and get into the beer. I didn't, but I felt sort of sad - like an old friend had died. But I'm hoping as time goes on I'll learn what it's like to watch sports, go to a friends house, go out to eat, etc. without having my friend beer with me.

After 100 days, if I choose to drink, I want t be able to do it like a 'regular person'. Maybe a couple at a ballgame or after cutting the grass on a summer afternoon. We'll see. I imaging many of you are stopping forever and I respect that - I just don't want to put that 'forever' thing out there. Hoping I can 'reboot'. learn to drink normally and prevent any further health issues.

Okay - if you read this far thanks.

Anna

I hope that works for you.

If you're an alcoholic and have crossed that invisible line, there is no going back.

least

I think that you will feel so much better by 100 days sober that you won't want to start up again.

Notmyrealname

You'd be surprised what people might have picked up on about your drinking over the years. People aren't blind or stupid. My drinking was very similar to yours, I would just start drinking right when I walked in the door so I could go to bed at a decent hour, be fine for work. Nobody at work ever said anything to indicate they were onto me, but day in, day out, looking mildly hung over more often than not -- I suspect they had their suspicions.

But anyway, glad you are coming aboard! I think you will find it to be very liberating, ultimately. For me it was like a great weight had left my shoulders.

2bhappier

Welcome to SR.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.

If you're anything like me, and I drank for 27 years, there is no possible chance that you'll be able to drink in moderation. And you do sound like me when I was drinking.
Alcoholism is a chronic progressive and relapsing disease. I have it and I can never drink like a normal drinker, and believe me I've tried. Solemn vows, trying to quit for a month pouring it down the drain- you name it.

I truly hope you're different than me and drink like a gentleman after a hundred days. I just wanted to be brutally honest with you. Your chances are slim. You're expeirencing health problems. So did I.
The difference between me and you is that everyone knew I was a drunk. I didn't even try and hide it, except maybe to liquor store clerks. I was self-decepted. I drank because I wanted to feel like I thought everyone else felt.
Then, I crossed that invisible line into alcoholism and was drinking shots of whiskey at 8 am just to get things kick started. Then all day till who knew when it would end.
So, maybe I was worse than you. I hope so. I had to learn some very hard lessons to make me quit.
I don't look at forever. I look at today. And I have now strung together over three years of todays without a drink.
I don't miss it. Alcohol became the bane of my existance and was slowly killing me.

I sincerely hope your plan works. Come here for support and read others stories.
I don't mean to throw a wrench into your plan, I'm just speaking about how I was, what happened and how I am now.

Best to you.

ReadyAtLast

Welcome to SR. At first I felt like I was missing something by not drinking. Now I see how much better my life is sober. hopefully you will feel the same at 100 days and prefer to not drink

Dee74

Hi and welcome alkaline

I know...you're not looking for advice...but many of us have hoped a little time off might reset things.

I can't think of a single person here for whom that's worked.

If your drinking was killing you as you say, the safe money is on quitting for good.

D

Alkaline

Thanks everybody for taking the time to reply. My post was more of a 'talking out loud to myself' thing. I feel like it's not very constructive to others here who are struggling and I apologize. I don't know the protocol to delete a post, but if an admin or moderator would care to do that, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

Hevyn

Alkaline - Welcome! Many of us come here still drinking - while we try to figure things out.

I drank for 30 yrs. too. I wanted so much to keep it in my life, but it was controlling me. I was completely dependent on it at the end of my drinking career. All my attempts to moderate the amounts I drank failed - so I had to let it go. I do hope you'll continue to post and let us know how you're doing. We're all in this together - trying to do the best we can.

Dee74

We don't delete posts or threads here, except under specific circumstances, Alkaline

Your thread actually speaks to a very common theme here, and it may well prove useful to someone else, even if for you, you were just venting.

best wishes to you in whatever you decide

D

SeaScape

Hi there
Welcome. Your body will thank you for 100 days so good for you. Don't delete this post - it's not offensive. It's part of the process of thinking about your drinking - can I moderate? The one million dollah question!
I came here because I wanted to "reset" my drinking too. I told my husband 30 days. At the end of 30 days - I told my husband that 30 days wasn't enough. Why? Because of the way I thought about and missed alcohol. And because I felt like I was healing. Since then - I drank again and after I realized it just wasn't good for me or my life.
Anyhow- just thought I would share. It's not advice. SR is a great resource.

KateL

Welcome xx

Alkaline

Alright, well thanks all. SeaScape, I'm thinking along those lines. Definitely 100 days, but if I'm hitting day 95 and find myself counting down the hours until I can drink, well obviously I'm not in the right place yet. Who knows, maybe it never will get to that place and I'll have to just put it away. (Nice if it were that easy, eh?)

spent31

Welcome aboard and dont be be sorry for posting. There is a reason you posted that and over the next 100 days you may find yourself coming back to SR and scanning the forums for another reason. I remember my mind constantly racing throughout my first month. Good Job on 9 days.

sunshinescooby

Welcome Alkaline! I feel exactly the same.. I'm in mourning.. and it gets worse when I think about not drinking forever. So, I have to tell myself I'm just not drinking today.. It is not easy. That is why I know I'm an alcoholic.. People who aren't alcoholics aren't thinking about drinking.. Good luck!!

sugarbear1

Alcoholism isn't about how much we drink, but whether we can live without drinking.....

glad you found SR!

bigsombrero

Welcome! 100 days is a long, long time without a drink for someone like yourself. That's a pretty tricky goal to set, I'm thinking.

Like others here, I drank for 20 years and needed serious help to quit. Ghostlight1 has a similar story to mine, as my daily drinking somehow unravelled into drinking in the mornings. Notmyrealname also had a post that stung me, because I'm pretty sure that most people had a better idea about my problem than I cared to let myself believe...

Regardless of our own stories, this one belongs to you so you can take it at your own pace. In most cases, we find that taking things "one day at a time" is the best way to start. What can you do to stay sober tonight? And what will you do tomorrow? 100 days is a long way off, and thinking about what you're going to do after that goal is putting the cart before the horse, probably no need to even argue about what is best for you after that time.

Welcome and best of luck today in staying sober.

Zebra1275

I can relate to parts of your story, daily drinking for many years with no "serious" consequences.

While you can fool a lot of people with regard to your drinking habits, you can't fool your body. Long term alcohol abuse causes physical damage. Once a person hits about 50 the aging process starts smacking you, even you if you don't drink. If you have drink heavily for years I think it smacks you a bit harder.

Every see a kegger in a nursing home? I don't think so, people who drink heavily don't make it that far.

itsjustchuck

it's just I have quit, then quit quitting. took over 9 years to come back. I will not drink today only with the help of my higher power beside me. and staying around people like these in here on the endless road to recovery and a fulfilling life.