scout360

I broke off my two year relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend. I went through all the break ups/getting back together cycle for the past 4 months
and finally said a firm and clear good bye. I've been attending al anon and continue to do so. My ex has a darling 8 year old that I love very much. We've had no contact for the past few weeks. Progress! I just came home from a business trip and my ex dropped off a belated valentine from his 8 year old. It has brought up all the old stuff. Need support here to continue to stay strong and not make contact.

involved

Pretty clearly that is manipulation and a guilt trip. And clearly what your not looking for. Stand strong. Thats not a Valentine...its a dirty trick!

NYCDoglvr

Active alcoholics need their enablers (you) to continue drinking and are very manipulative at getting what they want. Tell him, ok, you'll see him....in five years if he still has a solid program of recovery. Go to no contact, and that includes contact with the child. Block his emails and never respond to a telephone call or email. You need to get on with your life, start choosing men who really love and care about you, not men who suck the life out of you! I applaud you on all your hard work...it's paying off.

KateL

Been there, manipulated I'm ashamed to say (a good while ago) Run a mile. xxxxx

Hammer

Yeah, that is weird.

[whole bunch of jmho follows, take what you like and leave the rest]

BUT . . . I would say try to be nice and good to the kid, anyway.

Remember the kids are the real victims in all this. Truth is MOST of us can say FTS (forget this stuff) and fire the A from our lives anytime we really want if we really wanted to. (and yeah, I know that is not a comfort thing to many, but in self-accountability I have to be aware it applies to ME, too). But the kids do not have that choice.

As far as Nice and Good to the kid . . . . Dunno how to do that, but if you make it a God thing, you do not have to worry so much about what X does, does not do, or anything.

Ever see what happens when Evil encounters actual Good/God type stuff? It gets sort of flipped on its head, like a snow plow or something (a little Winter Wonderland Metaphor for you in the Frozen North. )

But if you are going to it as a God Thing, it is best to do it as a God thing. You know how?
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Dear God,

Please bless, guide and show Your Path, Your Will, and Your Way to scout360 to bless and help her little friend, and please give scout360 the Wisdom, Courage, and Strength to follow.

Amen.

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Well there. The hard work is done.

scout360

I did my very best by my little friend each day that I was in his life for the past two years. I own my stuff about the coming and going for the past 4 months and that it was sad and confusing for him too. The fact is that he has a mother, father, grand parents and aunts and uncles and a 1/2 brother and sister that love him. Maybe I was meant to be in his life for a season and not a lifetime. Clearly, not a lifetime with his father. Thank you for the support. Off to Al anon in a couple of hours and again tomorrow am. I'm going with the no contact with my ex.