Relationship ruined by drugs?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Relationship ruined by drugs?
First, let me say that I have tried to write this post at least a hundred times. Its hard to put things into an unbiased perspective, as I only want an unbiased response.
Let me start off with what happened...... My recovering? opiate addicted boyfriend up and left me on thanksgiving. I came home from my parents house to find him sleeping on the couch, he never went to his folks as that was the plan and the reason we didn't celebrate the holiday together. We both come from broken homes and find it hard to appease everyone.
He got up to go to the bathroom and was coughing so I asked him if he was feeling ok and if he wanted me to go to the store for cough medicine. He proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to leave him the f*** alone. I got upset and asked him why he was being so nasty to me lately. He went off the handle and went on to tell me that he was leaving. That he had been miserable for the past year and it was all because of me. I was an unsupportive girlfriend. I accused him of doing drugs and cheating on me. I didn't support his guitar playing... on and on and on about how I was blind and needed to take a hard look in the mirror.
We bought a house in the summer of 2012. At the time, he had been on suboxone for over a year and attended weekly group sessions. Things were going great. He was getting clean, we were purchasing our first home and our relationship seemed to be getting back on track.
Summer of 2013 he decided he wanted to get off the suboxone. He said it was because he finally realized how good life was. He was happy with me, our house our life and he wanted to put his opiate painkiller addiction in the past. He went through a terrible withdrawal for over a week. That summer was a roller coaster. Up down, depressed angry sleeping all weekend, staying up into the wee hours of the morning and going to work on no sleep. He was all over the board.
That's when I started to notice the mood swings and lies and behaviors I had seen before but couldn't prove it. He had a falling out with a friend and when I ran into that friend before, he mentioned that he thought it was because my BF owed him money for a few suboxones. This was a shock to me because I didn't realize he was taking them again. His own sister told me she had given him a few here and there over the past few months. He slept on the couch most nights because our matress hurt his back and he had leg spasms, so I bought a new mattress. That didn't get him to sleep in bed as he stayed up most nights and passed out on the couch with the tv on and ice cream in his lap. As the summer wore on, the behavior got more distant, the lies more evident, the fights over trivial things more heated.
At the end of the summer, he got shingles on one side of his face. He was good awful to me. I was trying to help him and he was downright nasty. One night after the shingles were gone, we got into a fight over a concert and he blew up and left. I found his wallet in the driveway, soaking wet in a puddle.I brought it into the house and found a suboxone in his wallet. I locked the door and he left for 2 weeks.
He came back and told me that I needed to learn to leave him alone when he is in a mood and that he didn't talk to anyone for 2 weeks because he wanted to come back on his own. He didn't want anyone to persuade him either way. He told me he had the sub because the pain of the shingles was unbearable.
This was September. We celebrated my birthday in October and he bought me a new digital camera so we could "capture our lives together". We went away that weekend and had a great time together, finally an escape from the pressure of the house and bills. We even made an agreement, that he thought we should put into writing, that stated if we fought, we would hike it out together the following weekend.
And then thanksgiving came and he left.
That was 3 months ago....... and in that time all of his lies have dumped themselves onto my doorstep. Taking speed to help with the suboxone withdrawals. Taking Adderall when the speed ran out. throw in a few percs and suddenly things started to become clear. All the behavior I had witnessed, the anger, hatefulness towards me. It all started to make sense. The biggest shock was that the people talking to me about this didn't realize that I didn't know. They thought he told me about what he had been taking. And only certain friends knew about certain drugs. One knew only about the meth where the other knew only about the subs where the other only knew about the percs.
I feel as though drugs have ruined my life even though I don't do drugs. I now have a mortgage I cant afford on my own. He took the house paperwork with him when he left. He hasn't talked to me in 3 months. He hasn't forwarded his mail. He still has stuff here in the garage that he trashed.
He said he was going to meet with a realtor to discuss his options as we own the house 50/50 and that he would call me when we could all meet. That was over a month ago. I'm stuck and I can't do anything. I cant get rid of his stuff since he owns the house too. I cant make him pay for half. I cant get a roommate because I cant have someone live here while he shows up sporadically to grab this or that. I really don't know what to do at this point. I have tried to reach out to his family so that we can resolve this but I'm the bad guy, even though they have never had to deal with him being high or withdrawing. I even offered him a large cash buyout to have him sign a quit claim deed but he didnt want that.
I stuck by him for 7 years. I supported him through addiction, through recovery, through withdrawals. I encouraged him to be healthy,to pursue his art and even offered to help him get it out there, to sell. When he left he told me that I accused him of doing drugs again and that was the worst thing I could ever do.
Im stuck. Im hurt. Im angry. Im depressed. I love him and was planning to spend my life with him knowing that he was an addict and that relapse was something that could always be lurking behind the corner. It wasn't the drugs that ruined us. It was the lies, deceit, anger......I don't know where the truth ends and the lies begin. I don't know who to believe. Was he using or not. Am I crazy and did I push him away? Am I searching for a reason that he left because I cant believe it was because I made him unhappy? I thought it was exhausting living with an addict, but I fear it is more exhausting living in his past.
Let me start off with what happened...... My recovering? opiate addicted boyfriend up and left me on thanksgiving. I came home from my parents house to find him sleeping on the couch, he never went to his folks as that was the plan and the reason we didn't celebrate the holiday together. We both come from broken homes and find it hard to appease everyone.
He got up to go to the bathroom and was coughing so I asked him if he was feeling ok and if he wanted me to go to the store for cough medicine. He proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to leave him the f*** alone. I got upset and asked him why he was being so nasty to me lately. He went off the handle and went on to tell me that he was leaving. That he had been miserable for the past year and it was all because of me. I was an unsupportive girlfriend. I accused him of doing drugs and cheating on me. I didn't support his guitar playing... on and on and on about how I was blind and needed to take a hard look in the mirror.
We bought a house in the summer of 2012. At the time, he had been on suboxone for over a year and attended weekly group sessions. Things were going great. He was getting clean, we were purchasing our first home and our relationship seemed to be getting back on track.
Summer of 2013 he decided he wanted to get off the suboxone. He said it was because he finally realized how good life was. He was happy with me, our house our life and he wanted to put his opiate painkiller addiction in the past. He went through a terrible withdrawal for over a week. That summer was a roller coaster. Up down, depressed angry sleeping all weekend, staying up into the wee hours of the morning and going to work on no sleep. He was all over the board.
That's when I started to notice the mood swings and lies and behaviors I had seen before but couldn't prove it. He had a falling out with a friend and when I ran into that friend before, he mentioned that he thought it was because my BF owed him money for a few suboxones. This was a shock to me because I didn't realize he was taking them again. His own sister told me she had given him a few here and there over the past few months. He slept on the couch most nights because our matress hurt his back and he had leg spasms, so I bought a new mattress. That didn't get him to sleep in bed as he stayed up most nights and passed out on the couch with the tv on and ice cream in his lap. As the summer wore on, the behavior got more distant, the lies more evident, the fights over trivial things more heated.
At the end of the summer, he got shingles on one side of his face. He was good awful to me. I was trying to help him and he was downright nasty. One night after the shingles were gone, we got into a fight over a concert and he blew up and left. I found his wallet in the driveway, soaking wet in a puddle.I brought it into the house and found a suboxone in his wallet. I locked the door and he left for 2 weeks.
He came back and told me that I needed to learn to leave him alone when he is in a mood and that he didn't talk to anyone for 2 weeks because he wanted to come back on his own. He didn't want anyone to persuade him either way. He told me he had the sub because the pain of the shingles was unbearable.
This was September. We celebrated my birthday in October and he bought me a new digital camera so we could "capture our lives together". We went away that weekend and had a great time together, finally an escape from the pressure of the house and bills. We even made an agreement, that he thought we should put into writing, that stated if we fought, we would hike it out together the following weekend.
And then thanksgiving came and he left.
That was 3 months ago....... and in that time all of his lies have dumped themselves onto my doorstep. Taking speed to help with the suboxone withdrawals. Taking Adderall when the speed ran out. throw in a few percs and suddenly things started to become clear. All the behavior I had witnessed, the anger, hatefulness towards me. It all started to make sense. The biggest shock was that the people talking to me about this didn't realize that I didn't know. They thought he told me about what he had been taking. And only certain friends knew about certain drugs. One knew only about the meth where the other knew only about the subs where the other only knew about the percs.
I feel as though drugs have ruined my life even though I don't do drugs. I now have a mortgage I cant afford on my own. He took the house paperwork with him when he left. He hasn't talked to me in 3 months. He hasn't forwarded his mail. He still has stuff here in the garage that he trashed.
He said he was going to meet with a realtor to discuss his options as we own the house 50/50 and that he would call me when we could all meet. That was over a month ago. I'm stuck and I can't do anything. I cant get rid of his stuff since he owns the house too. I cant make him pay for half. I cant get a roommate because I cant have someone live here while he shows up sporadically to grab this or that. I really don't know what to do at this point. I have tried to reach out to his family so that we can resolve this but I'm the bad guy, even though they have never had to deal with him being high or withdrawing. I even offered him a large cash buyout to have him sign a quit claim deed but he didnt want that.
I stuck by him for 7 years. I supported him through addiction, through recovery, through withdrawals. I encouraged him to be healthy,to pursue his art and even offered to help him get it out there, to sell. When he left he told me that I accused him of doing drugs again and that was the worst thing I could ever do.
Im stuck. Im hurt. Im angry. Im depressed. I love him and was planning to spend my life with him knowing that he was an addict and that relapse was something that could always be lurking behind the corner. It wasn't the drugs that ruined us. It was the lies, deceit, anger......I don't know where the truth ends and the lies begin. I don't know who to believe. Was he using or not. Am I crazy and did I push him away? Am I searching for a reason that he left because I cant believe it was because I made him unhappy? I thought it was exhausting living with an addict, but I fear it is more exhausting living in his past.
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