FlippedRHalo

He's trying to contact me now and I don't understand why. We just keep going in the same circles and getting nowhere except more dizzy and bruised when we talk.

He refuses to look at the true issue here and I'm so tired of trying to get him to look at it. So here I sit, not answering and just mind blown that he wants to keep this ride going.

FOR WHAT?! For freakin' WHAT?? My soul was already murdered through this. That's how it feels. So what, just stick the knife in a few more times to make sure it's truly dead never to live again?

God, why? He won't do the right thing for himself, yet he won't let it go either. He wanted his life with alcohol. I stepped out of the way. I gave him what he flippin wanted.

Katchie

I haven't been out of denial and working my program long enough to be a very big help, but I send you hugs.
I'm sorry your hurting. Can you just turn the phone off and put on a movie..maybe take a relaxing hot bath??
More hugs to you

involved

I am so sorry for the pain you are going thru right now. Please know that there are people here who care about you. Please be kind to yourself. Not having any contact is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I hope you can find a distraction and can find some peace tonight. ((Hugs))

ladyscribbler

Sorry you're going through this. Can you block his number? You deserve peace tonight. Take care.

AnvilheadII

quit reading the texts, answering the phone. shut it down and you won't have our head spinning. you have the power to shut this down. DO IT.

NYCDoglvr

Forget "why" and keep the focus on your own recovery. Sounds like you're no contact and that it's a good thing. It helps to stop letting the addict live rent-free in your head. Are you going to Alanon? It's a lifesaver.

izzyrose05

The more you read the emails and texts, the more dumbfounded you become at the absolute denial they choose to live in and the more hopeless you know it all is. It's almost as if their attempts at hanging on solidifies your knowledge that ending it was the best thing in the world and that hurts all over again.

Everyone always says turn off the phone, delete the emails. Much easier said then done, but if you can, you will one day thank yourself.

And one day we will wake up and finally, what they say wont matter anymore. It simply wont hurt and we will see them clearly for the sad pathetic person that they are. Just hold on to that thought. That day is coming. For both of us! I promise!

FlippedRHalo

Thanks Izzy, your message just saved me this morning. I did turn my phone off last night and when I woke up and turned it on, there were more texts. I know I shouldn't have read them, but it's so hard not to. He's basically turning it around and blaming it all on me and then a "you want it over, ok". And I don't know why, but that tore my heart up a little. I came downstairs feeling that familiar hurt and confusion, turned on the computer and read your message. I feel a lot better now. It's like I know in my head that all of this is normal with an alcoholic, but my heart still questions and panics.

Yeah, it is over. It has to be over. And as much as I don't want to because it would be a daunting prospect to change all of my contact information everywhere, if this isn't the end of the texts and calls, I'm going to need to change my number.

izzyrose05

I try to stay surrounded with lots of friends and my kids. My kids save me every day. Today, we will go see The Lego Movie. I hope you have lots to keep you busy. I live in Michigan we have had the worst weather, but if you live in a nice area, go to the water. Being near the water, lake, ocean whatever has always helped me smile..The water is healing. Find sun and just go stand in it. Just let it shine on your face. Go laugh with some friends or your family. Go do a Polar Plunge..I did this two weeks ago and had a blast. Or better yet. Take up yoga. Ive been doing that now for a month. It is rejuvenating and spiritual all in one. Get your plank on. Find your ab muscles. I'm trying to find mine for the first time in my life. LOL So much living to do baby. Make it a good day!! xoxo

marie1960

"FOR WHAT?! For freakin' WHAT?? My soul was already murdered through this. That's how it feels. So what, just stick the knife in a few more times to make sure it's truly dead never to live again? " (Flipped RHalo)

I only mean this in a helpful way, BUT............

It's this type of dialogue running through your head that can hold you back. Currently, it is important to control your thoughts. Thoughts become words, words become action, action becomes destiny.

So while we understand your break is painful, it would serve your best interest to eliminate the " my soul was murdered" dialogue.

Keep remembering, feelings are not FACTS.

When I think of " my soul was murdered". I think of horrific acts against humanity.

Not sure a break-up with a selfish, manipulating, controlling addict qualifies.


Empower yourself, get busy living your life, be the person who is no longer living in the shadows of someone else's problem/ addiction.

SeasonlessWorld

So sorry Flipped,
Alcoholics make no sense. I understand where you are coming from, my XABF still tries to contact me. According to him im defective and a horrible person. yet why does he still contact me? It's crazy. It is hard to ignore it I know, but with each day we will get stronger. Hugs!