WildPup

As a gay man who's father blames me for him becoming an alcoholic, Disney's animated film Frozen hit me like a ton of bricks. And the main track, "Let it Go", the version on the CD sung by Demi Lovato gave me such hope. Lyrics in italic. My comments in between.


The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.

I live in the upper midwest. It's a blizzard right now...but emotionally I do feel like I live in my own isolation. I moved away, far away from the south to get away from them. I always found security in cold weather because it was so alien to the nightmare I was raised with.

Don't let them in, don't let them see,
Be the good girl you always had to be.
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.
Well, now they know.

I had to hide who I was for so long...and now that they know, suddenly I'm the root of all that is wrong in their lives. Al-Anon has been helping me come to see its not me, and I didn't make my father that way. But I've hid who I was for so long that when they found out and blamed these things on me, it made me shameful and wanting to hide.

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

I have to let go...of my expectations about him, my expectations of acceptance from my family...and my belief that any of it will change. It's true, here I'll stay.

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all.
Up here in the cold thin air I finally can breathe.
I know I left a life behind but I'm too relieved to grieve.

If a lyric made me cry, it was this one. I CAN finally breathe...I feel like I should be sad to have left my family but I dont...for the first time in my life I feel like I have a real chance of happiness.

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand, and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

The cold truly never bothered me. Sorry if this was rambly...it was ust emotional and struck me as being very powerful in where I've been the past few days.

wanttobehealthy

I live in the upper northeast and am being equally pounded by snow and when I took my daughters to see Frozen (which frankly I found to be a miserable, dark, non kid friendly movie for the vast majority of the time) I found myself being moved by that same song and thinking that it described life with an abusive alcoholic ex H very well... Don't feel, hide your true self etc.. and that being totally alone (metaphorically and sort of literally too since a lot of friends took off when I left my xAH) was the only way to extricate myself from him and get to find my old happy self again....

So I totally get your post...

Thanks for posting it...

And as you know, your father is a jerk to blame you for his being an A...

changeneeded

May you be blessed, Wildpup. I am sorry that you have been hurt by the very people who in reality should be protecting you from the ignorant. I stand amazed by people who turn their back on family, just because they don't "understand".

Prayers that you will find love and family that will bring you to peace, joy and contenment.

JustAGirl1971

WildPup, I'm sorry that your family refuses to acknowledge you as the awesome, wonderful man that you are. I know that you know this, but as a mother of two sons, I just want to say: You are not to blame! Your father is a coward and your family is cruel. You deserve more.

I pray that you find a new, better family who will appreciate and love you for who you. A family who will love you as God loves you: exactly as you are.

Florence

I haven't seen Frozen yet, but I did watch Tangled and was really shocked at how textbook NPD the mother in that movie is. It was a little disturbing for me, actually.