I am an idiot who is weak…I succumb to manipulation…
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Massachusetts (south shore)
Posts: 125
I am an idiot who is weak…I succumb to manipulation…
I took him back. He is “wonderful”…he is “so sweet”…he “shows me so much attention”…we have “so much in common”. We’ve only had three break-ups in 6 months. I’ve only been seeing him for six months! I questioned him about his alcohol, he got defensive and he threw me out of his house. I went back. I love him. He loves me. So what if he drinks almost every SINGLE, SOLITARY night? Seriously, I am 48, he is 50...if he wants to drink, let him drink. What??? 
I can’t even hear myself think rationale…this is so wrong…Where is my self-esteem, my self-worth? We are great together…all three of us…he and I, AND his scotch. He is not aware that I know how much he drinks. You see…I snoop, I spy, I sneak, I peak, I climb counters to get into the rear cubbards, I look in cabinets, basements, draws…ahhhhh – FINALLY - I found that he keeps a semi-inactive supply upstairs, and a very active supply in the basement. Says he only drinks two or three beers per night, but “forgets” to mention that he has “my guess”…about 6 glasses of scotch per week. Wine occasionally during the week…what is wrong with me that I want to give him another chance?? He is so much more of a man than my ex? The marriage I left of 25 years to my pill pooping ex for this? Oh my…time for therapy…this sucks!!!
I can’t even hear myself think rationale…this is so wrong…Where is my self-esteem, my self-worth? We are great together…all three of us…he and I, AND his scotch. He is not aware that I know how much he drinks. You see…I snoop, I spy, I sneak, I peak, I climb counters to get into the rear cubbards, I look in cabinets, basements, draws…ahhhhh – FINALLY - I found that he keeps a semi-inactive supply upstairs, and a very active supply in the basement. Says he only drinks two or three beers per night, but “forgets” to mention that he has “my guess”…about 6 glasses of scotch per week. Wine occasionally during the week…what is wrong with me that I want to give him another chance?? He is so much more of a man than my ex? The marriage I left of 25 years to my pill pooping ex for this? Oh my…time for therapy…this sucks!!!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
There is only one person who is going to change in this situation, that is you. All the sneaking is going to drive you to feel crazy eventually. I feel like I could be a professional detective sometimes, but I am past that part now, I am worth more than that.
You deserve alot better.
You deserve alot better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 209
"We are great together.."
Umm, no, you're really not. 3 breakups in 6 months??
You've only invested 6 months with this guy, cut your losses and run.
We all deserve a lot better than what an alcoholic can give us.
Take care of you.
Umm, no, you're really not. 3 breakups in 6 months??
You've only invested 6 months with this guy, cut your losses and run.
We all deserve a lot better than what an alcoholic can give us.
Take care of you.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I dated a drug addict before I met AXH.
And in-between, I dated a guy who was clinically depressed and just NEEDED me in order to handle getting out of bed and going to work in the morning.
People like you and me shouldn't be allowed to date without our dates being vetted by our friends and family (given that they are healthier in their thinking than we are).
Therapy sounds like a great idea. Al-Anon sounds like a good suggestion, too.
And stop beating yourself up. I bet that doesn't help one bit.
And in-between, I dated a guy who was clinically depressed and just NEEDED me in order to handle getting out of bed and going to work in the morning.
People like you and me shouldn't be allowed to date without our dates being vetted by our friends and family (given that they are healthier in their thinking than we are).
Therapy sounds like a great idea. Al-Anon sounds like a good suggestion, too.
And stop beating yourself up. I bet that doesn't help one bit.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
OK, I know it's a typo, but "pill-pooping ex" made me LOL. The visual alone on that is priceless. Sorry.
Anyway, I think you're wrong to be beating yourself up like this. You have something very powerful at your disposal and don't seem to realize it yet. You have AWARENESS. You've realized that your behavior is not healthy, and you've started to think about getting yourself some help. That's awesome!
Have you thought about checking out an Alanon meeting or maybe Celebrate Recovery? Those are both free resources where you will find an outpouring of support from people who are/have been in your shoes. You're not weak, or stupid or any of those things. You're human, just like me and all the rest of us here. Thanks for posting and take care.
Still laughing at that visual, btw. I wanna see that in smiley form!
Anyway, I think you're wrong to be beating yourself up like this. You have something very powerful at your disposal and don't seem to realize it yet. You have AWARENESS. You've realized that your behavior is not healthy, and you've started to think about getting yourself some help. That's awesome!
Have you thought about checking out an Alanon meeting or maybe Celebrate Recovery? Those are both free resources where you will find an outpouring of support from people who are/have been in your shoes. You're not weak, or stupid or any of those things. You're human, just like me and all the rest of us here. Thanks for posting and take care.
Still laughing at that visual, btw. I wanna see that in smiley form!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by horriblethisis 
I have learned that there are no guarantees in life. You may marry young as I did (21), and have it last for 25 years (like mine did)...to realize the the AH you have been living with simply does not deserve you (as I realized). You never know where life will take you, but I do know that I am responsible for writing the remaining chapters of my life. I choose me, and I choose to make the second half of my life matter in a way that is going to make me happy, loved, appreciated, and never EVER again will I be taken for granted. In time, I will choose a sober mate, and someone who deserves me. I will chose a loving soul and a meaningful soul...I will NOT settle, and I WILL speak my mind. I believe that life has better things in store for me, and I am grateful that I had the strength to leave my husband when I did. I am grateful and appreciate the opportunity to move forward with a sound mind, and healthy body. I am grateful for the support that I have received on this site, and also for my family and friends that I have recently re-connected with. I can honestly say that after six months without HIM, I have found ME. Yes, I really have found ME. And I'll tell you...I had lost myself for a very, very long time. I thank God for making me whole again and staying in my heart guiding me when I needed it the most. If my parents were alive today, I hope that they would have supported my decisions, and would have been proud of me. Look out LIFE...HERE I COME!
Print that post of yours, put it on the fridge where you get to see it every morning when you wake up!
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