Katchie

I had a morning class and from there went to brunch with a close friend. While at bunch I receive the following text:

K,

Having a hard time today with everything going on. Still sober will not be coming home tonight. Need to spend some time away. I can't stand the feeling in the house with you- not really wanting me around. I know you reap what you sow. It is on me sorry and I really do love you and the boys
M

My stomach is in knots as is my emotions. He said nothing to the boys and gas once again left the dirty work for me to handle regarding telling them this. Nothing new I suppose.

kdjom

Oh Katchie I'm so sorry to hear this PM me and let me know how you are doing ... I'm here for you like you have been for me!!!

K

lillamy

You will be OK. You will handle this just fine. Because you do. You always do.

He is taking responsibility. He is removing himself. He does throw you a sideways punch with the "with you not really wanting me around" but that is just what it is. It's the truth, right?

The knot in your stomach -- does it smell like guilt? I know I could feel that terrible guilt even though I knew with my rational mind that it wasn't my fault. Can you tell yourself that the feeling is nothing but a chemical in your head? That it doesn't mean you have to DO anything? One old poster here used to say that "nobody ever died from being uncomfortable." Meaning that sometimes, we do really stupid things just to get away from that feeling of guilt and discomfort.

Big hugs to you. You can do this.

FireSprite

I'm sorry Katchie, that is a crappy way to deliver a message like that. You deserve better.

I'm leaning toward believing this isn't as "unplanned" as he makes it sound - it reeks of manipulation & blameshifting.

Is he still drinking? (Or is he dry for just a couple of weeks at this point?... I'm sorry I can't remember!?)

Thumper

Hugs to you.

MyGirlGracie

Katchie... I agree with Amy.... you will handle this and keep moving forward. I am sorry that the roller-coaster hasn't stopped yet, but it WILL! Be kind and good to yourself because you ARE GOOD.

Ofelie

Does anyone else hear blame in that text? Like poor me, y'all don't want me around anymore so I will go crawl under a rock cuz nobody loves me?? Ahh, technology, how great it is for breaking up when you don't want to have the courage to do it in person. UGH.

I'm so so sorry you are going through this. Maybe time apart will help...YOU and the boys. Big hugs to you.

CodeJob

Well sometimes things were just too much for me. I've been known to have popcorn and pajama night.

Blow off dinner, everyone gets into pajamas, and eat popcorn for dinner watching a movie with the boys.

Katchie

It is crappy. I would never do that. I've never done that, even before our talks I would try talking to him face to face out of worry about his health and that of our kids due to drinking, I didn't text it. P*ssy. Im hurt but I think Im more angry now that Im over the shock of it than anything.

I don't know if he is still drinking or not. I've tried really hard not to look for signs and hover/watch for every little thing. It drives me crazy to do that. I figured if he came home from work totally smashed I'd know it.

Stung

Sending you a great big hug Katchie.

JustAGirl1971

I'm really sorry, Katchie

readerbaby71

I'm sorry Katchie. Texting is such a BS way to tell you that. Sending much love and healing thoughts your way. xoxox

FireSprite

Is it normal behavior for him to text stuff like this? My RAH did this while he was drinking just so that I could not hear the "evidence" of drinking in his voice since he'd already started getting buzzed & couldn't hide it. Then he would just ignore any texts from me that he didn't want to respond to. (NOT saying yours is doing this!)

I don't blame you for not hovering & obsessing, I was asking strictly to get an idea of where he was at in his recovery process.

Hugs to you - I love the idea of a movie/junk food night!

Katchie

No, he's never done anything like this before, tho I've never told him quit or we are done either.

And don't worry, I didn't take offense to your wondering about his drinking. Im just so angry at him right now. You all provide stable thought where my mind would want to wander to the unstable.

MissFixit

Katchie,

Hugs to you and your boys.

This man is showing you who he is, believe him. What a cowardly and selfish way to tell you that. And after your episode the other morning and his everything is alright. What an ahole! I am mad at him too!

Take what he says with a grain of salt.

Have you checked your bank accounts? If not, you might want to and if you can move money into a Katchie only account, you might want to do that. Have you called your family yet? The brother in law that you spoke with last week about what he might be doing, do you trust this guy? Is he good friends with AH? Would he tell AH that you were asking about his behavior? What about the lawyer friend? Would he tell AH that you talked with him? It truly doesn't matter, but I have known men to alert other men that their wives are asking around about their activities, sort of as a warning before getting busted.

Katchie

I have checked the account and all is well. I checked our room and he barely took anything. What in the world. Maybe he's just blowing smoke up my azz. I don't know but im going to try not to focus on it as best as possible. I have the boys to talk to this evening and I want to come from a calm place of strength.

JustAGirl1971

Or, maybe he's drinking and knows he can't come home? You mentioned in another post that you were going to take over bill paying. Is this still the plan? If so, it should help you get an accurate picture of the financial situation, and maybe even let you set aside some money in a Katchie account.

HopefulinFLA

Jeez. This just wreaks of manipulation.

P#ssy is right! May I also add spineless coward?

I'm so sorry Katchie. Hugs!

choublak

You could sell his stuff on eBay.

Sorry if I don't seem caring or supportive, it's just that stuff like this annoys me. Like, he's not man enough to tell you that in person? And the whole "you don't want me around", well gee, I wonder why she doesn't want you around...

Hammer

K, you follow what is likely going on?

Really does not have ANYTHING to do with You, the Other Morning , the Kids, nor anything else we would consider "real."

In two words he sort of said it all . . . .

THEY. GO. FREAKIN. CRAZY. the first 3 to 6 months.

One day, you may sit back and laugh about it all.

I know that is not today, and for us . . . at about a year out, on my side . . . I finally can.

But this is all just Crazy, because, well -- it IS Crazy.