2bhappier

I guess at some level I thought this would happen. I am on vacation in a beautiful part of the country. My husband, who rarely ever drinks (maybe twice a year) has been having a cocktail while we are here every night and I caved last night and joined him. I only have myself to blame. I ended up having 3 glasses of wine and now I am so mad at myself). My husband doesn't think I am an alcoholic and sometimes encourages me to drink but the fact that I did is my own fault, not his. I don't go home until next week. I am really disappointed in myself. I told my husband it is right back to AA (and another program I want to try called Lifering) when we get home. I feel so much better mentally (and physically) when I don;t drink. I suppose there is no point in going on and on about how I feel and how I feel ****** for drinking. So mad at myself.

least

I've always been told to forgive myself, learn from it, and move forward again.

2bhappier

I can always forgive others but not myself. Why is that?

least

I have the same problem. You just have to teach yourself to forgive yourself. Give yourself the same kindness you give to others.

SoberNLuvingIt

The fact that you mentioned going back to AA is forgiving yourself. You understand what you did may feel wrong, but to get back on the wagon so quickly is a blessing. People slip and don't hit a meeting for years!

I think its inspiring that you had a slip and you're headed right back to AA.

Best of luck!

2bhappier

Thanks, that is a good way of looking at it. I do feel just so angry with myself though. I also feel like I KNOW what I personally (I am sure everyone is different) have to do to be sober consistently. I have to go to meetings and stay connected. I haven't even tried to find a meeting here. I was sort of blaming that on my husband (as I mentioned, he doesn't think I am an alcoholic) but the truth is that it is my fault for not trying. I am sure a part of me really wanted to drink here and I used it as an excuse. In some ways I think I am fairly self aware but in others I think I am the biggest idiot on the planet.

doggonecarl

I hope you manage to put the skids on. There must be a dozen posts these past few days from folks who's few drinks led to prolonged drinking.

Does your husband truly think you aren't an alcoholic? Or have you been minimizing the extent of your problem to him?

If he's a twice a year drinker, perhaps he can stop drinking and support your desire to quit.

2bhappier

My husband thinks alcoholics are people who miss work, fail to show up for family things, go to events completely hammered and embarrass themselves and everyone else. I am a person who drinks after work at home at night, doesn't miss work due to drinking, shows up sober for critical events, etc. But I understand it is a progression and will get worse if I don't stop. He has a narrow definition of alcoholism. I can mostly feel mentally alcohol is killing me. The depression is crushing. I am sure he can avoid alcohol to help me but I don't think he is convinced I need help. I wish he would be supportive of the fact that I KNOW I am an alcoholic. The onus is on me.

Aellyce

Guilt and shame, I think... We tend to be mad at ourselves when we don't stand up to our expectations from ourselves. When others do the same, they don't violate our own goals and plans but we tend to relate on a more theoretical basis and try to help.

These feelings are really hard to overcome, but there really isn't any other way forward just stand up and continue on the "right" way. Please try not to dwell on it much... we are human. As long as we keep trying, we are still on the right track

michael4422

Do not accept Shame. Eradicate that negativity. It does nothing to help but makes you feel bad. So you drank. A trigger got you. You lost some vigilance. I have a feeling you are still an awesome person who deserves love and forgiveness. See what you can do to strengthen yourself, but don't beat yourself up.

Shame = You are a bad person and more likely to drink in the future.
Guilt = you made a mistake, learn from it. You are, and always have been a good person. You love yourself.

Just my thoughts!

lisatrying

Enjoy your holiday. Be proud of yourself for being strong and brave in coming on here and posting about what happened. You have had a think about it which is great. Now stop beating yourself up. You deserve to be happy. Tell yourself how great you are. If you feel like you might slip again while you are away is it possible there might be any AA meeting groups in the area you are holidaying. Or log on to here in the evening for 30 min before dinner if that is the time of day you are at risk of lapsing? Definitely try to stop berating yourself and enjoy where you are.

instant

With time the torment will abate. I have found after a few years self respect can come back.

Irrespective of what your husband thinks in the end it is an issue for you to decide. I regard it as a health issue and put drinking in the category in my mind as smoking or using heroin

Louise82

2bhappier, thank you for your honesty in coming and posting here about what happened.

I also find that I forgive others more easily than I forgive myself. Through AA and therapy for depression and anxiety I've been learning how to have the same compassion for myself as I do for others. But I didn't start the therapy for those other issues until I'd focused on getting and staying sober for a few months.

I believe the best way to forgive yourself now is to focus on your recovery, to learn from this return to drinking and move forward. Like SoberNLuvingIt said, returning to AA is a great start to forgiving yourself. Looking after yourself really well in terms of self-care also helps.

And I think it's great you'll also be trying out LifeRing. It's good to change things up and try to do things differently if our first shot at sobriety doesn't work out.

Yeah, it's tough when our loved ones don't understand but, if they're not alcoholic, they won't ever understand fully. Your husband's perception of what is and isn't an alcoholic is what a lot of people think. My mother doesn't really understand either. The best thing we can do is to focus on ourselves and our recovery. I'm sure as you get more and more sober days and keep working on your recovery, your husband will come to notice the positive changes in you.

KateL

Hear hear xxxx

Marcher13

2bhappier just to get through this vacation time, can you check out the bar menu before you and your husband go for drinks again? Find something non-alcoholic that you will enjoy, then you can simply say -- when the time comes -- what you've decided to have. You'll have something nice and your husband can still enjoy a drink.