Venting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Venting
I haven't heard from my XAH since Nov. 2012. and, of course he doesn't pay his child support. I don't talk to his side of the family because:
1. They are in denial and judged me for divorcing him
2. Once divorced they treated me like I was nothing
3. They invited my XAH's ***** into their home and introduced her to my nieces and nephews, didn't tell me AND basically pretended everything was normal and he and she were not on drugs. (see #1).
So, I get a text from his sister about once a year. The last text I got from his mother was almost a year ago. Today, I get a TEXT from his mother telling me that she was sorry she didn't meet my expectations. I understand her emotions are probably of anger as well, but first I ask, a text? Secondly, I felt it was so condescending and patronizing. What do I want from her? HONESTY.
Here is the deal, I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING to do with these people. WHY? Becasue they are in denial and I don't trust them. My son will be full of questions. I told my son the truth, what will they tell him? Also, I like that I don't have to deal with an active addict. It is so peaceful not having him in my life. Seeing them, are they trying to get the aaddict back into our lives and theirs? My XAH DESTROYED and I mean DESTROYED our lives. In so many ways. Friendships ruined, family ruined, financially ruined, my sons education was changed, my sons future is questionable...ect..
It is a mess. I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I should sit down with her alone and talk, but honestly, I don't want to. I don't want to wake the beast (the XAH). Nobody, expect people on this forum, know to what extent it is to deal with an active addict. It is painful, stressful and just so emotional. So very emotional. And who knows the promises that would be broken or the lies to be told to my son. I can't do it. I can't go through it again. I was sick to my stomach with anxiety, fear and grief.
The only way I can have a relationship with these people is if my XAH recovers. That is my boundry, and I am sticking to it. Until then, there is no point.
Just makes me so angry they all see me as the villain, and him the victim.
1. They are in denial and judged me for divorcing him
2. Once divorced they treated me like I was nothing
3. They invited my XAH's ***** into their home and introduced her to my nieces and nephews, didn't tell me AND basically pretended everything was normal and he and she were not on drugs. (see #1).
So, I get a text from his sister about once a year. The last text I got from his mother was almost a year ago. Today, I get a TEXT from his mother telling me that she was sorry she didn't meet my expectations. I understand her emotions are probably of anger as well, but first I ask, a text? Secondly, I felt it was so condescending and patronizing. What do I want from her? HONESTY.
Here is the deal, I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING to do with these people. WHY? Becasue they are in denial and I don't trust them. My son will be full of questions. I told my son the truth, what will they tell him? Also, I like that I don't have to deal with an active addict. It is so peaceful not having him in my life. Seeing them, are they trying to get the aaddict back into our lives and theirs? My XAH DESTROYED and I mean DESTROYED our lives. In so many ways. Friendships ruined, family ruined, financially ruined, my sons education was changed, my sons future is questionable...ect..
It is a mess. I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I should sit down with her alone and talk, but honestly, I don't want to. I don't want to wake the beast (the XAH). Nobody, expect people on this forum, know to what extent it is to deal with an active addict. It is painful, stressful and just so emotional. So very emotional. And who knows the promises that would be broken or the lies to be told to my son. I can't do it. I can't go through it again. I was sick to my stomach with anxiety, fear and grief.
The only way I can have a relationship with these people is if my XAH recovers. That is my boundry, and I am sticking to it. Until then, there is no point.
Just makes me so angry they all see me as the villain, and him the victim.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
I'm sorry. We do all understand how frustrating dealing with an addict can be. Couple of things sprung to mind reading your post. Take them for what they are worth. 1. You don't have to respond to her text. You don't even have to acknowledge it. "I'm sorry I didn't meet your expectations". It's a statement not a question. You may not have met hers either. I'd let it lie. She's essentially tapping on your shoulder to see if you'll take the bait.
2. What others think of you is none of your business. You have every right to protect yourself and your son from the chaos of addiction. They are likely still very wrapped up in it. Hang tough. Respect the boundaries you found necessary to place and focus on your newfound peace and calm. It was a long road to get there. Enjoy every second of it!
2. What others think of you is none of your business. You have every right to protect yourself and your son from the chaos of addiction. They are likely still very wrapped up in it. Hang tough. Respect the boundaries you found necessary to place and focus on your newfound peace and calm. It was a long road to get there. Enjoy every second of it!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
If you're not under any legal obligation to remain in contact I would either block all ways for them to contact you (email, home phone, cell phone, social media) or change all my numbers and contact info. No good will come of trying to reason with them or to try to get them to see reality.
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