christimc

I'm back after a few weeks, I thought I could "just have a few" well I'm worse than ever and scared I may need more help but don't want to leave my family. I obviously can't just have a couple, I bought a half gallon of whiskey yesterday and thought it would last me all week, well I drank almost half the bottle last night. I'm so ashamed.

Ruby2

Think of it as a learning experience and move forward. The shame you are feeling will only eat away at you and push you to drink more. I've done that. Bought a bottle of wine thinking I will have a glass or two which then progresses to "well, one more wont hurt" to "well, I'm drunk, may as well keep going since I know I will feel bad tomorrow anyway."

Rest up. You don't say what will take you away from your family. Rehab? I did it. It was tough but better than the alternative of being "gone" because I was drunk. If it is a possibility and you are thinking along those lines, how about detox followed by outpatient treatment?

Hang in there and dump what is left.

Mrrryah1

Welcome back! Use that fear as motivation. Perhaps see ur doctor for a medical withdrawal plan if necessary. You can do this <3

christimc

Yes thinking rehab thirty days. I will dump it is it bad I feel bad for wasting it? Omg I can't believe I typed that.

christimc

Ty glad to be back it's scary to say the least

GreenEggsAndHam

Once it is dumped you will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders. I had to dump my beloved beer one day. It was painful but a huge relief once I did it.

Hollyanne

Hi Christi,
I just want to say that I drank more and more when I was trying to quit.
I couldn't understand what was going on.
It was like a cruel joke.
My last drunk left me bewildered.
But, I haven't drank since.
Make this the last drunk.
Bewildered, horrified, exhausted.
Remember, H.A.L.T.
Recognize, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.
We do understand.
AA?

alphaomega

There is something very empowering and cathartic about dumping booze for us alcoholics. It can almost feel as if perhaps we actually might have some modicum of self control, self preservation and self love.

I recently did it with some wine and it was like I was giving it a giant F.U.

Metaphorically and symbolically taking control back.

Try it. It's liberating.

Welcome back. You can do this. We will help.

christimc

Ty guys I'm just such a wreck I'm crying as u type this

KateL

I could never dump anything, so you will be a strong lady if you do. I hope you do though and get back on track. You can do it xxxxx

alphaomega

Remember this day . Lock it down. Burn it in your memory.

And then know, you NEVER have to feel like this again.

You are going to be ok. You are going to do this. You deserve to never feel this way again.

Nonsensical

Your addiction probably feels awful about wasting it. The part of you that desires a sober life won't miss it at all.

Birdygirl

I was never able to dump mine either, and also the drinking gets worse when I actually call myself trying to stop.

Christmc - I pray that you are able to turn this around, let's take this journey together.

We can keep each other strong.

christimc

Ty 😊

FreeOwl

cristi....

has it gotten bad enough yet?

boy oh boy can I relate to how the feelings you're expressing right now.

53 days into sobriety I am REALLY grateful it got as bad as it did and I need to pray every day and remind myself - lest I fool myself back into letting it get even worse.

I hope this is your 'bottom'....

What is your plan to make it so?

christimc

This is my bottom, had to call in, still buzzed slash hung over can't believe I drank half a bottle last night :/ thinking about thirty day rehab program

Raider

Well the 30 day rehab is an excellent idea, most excellent especially if you are ready. No need for shame. You are an addict, you are sick. That's all. Blessings.

Threshold

I think it would be a way bigger waste to dump it down your throat than to dump it down the drain.

You must have a heck of a hangover this morning. Ouch.

Other than that, I don't have much to say. I never fell off the wagon, I usually jumped, with two feet. And I had to go to the ATM machine first and take out the cash and drive to the liquor store etc. So I kinda jumped with two feet and some previous planning and effort.

Glad you are back here!

SeaScape

Hang in there and don't drink anymore. I was caught in this vicious cycle - drink, depression/anxiety/regret, abstain, think I am better ---> repeat! It's awful. But I realized I could control it IF I could control myself

least

Pour it down the drain. You'll feel better for having done so.