Kissimee54

My bf is in recovery and around 3 months sober. We just went through a big move and he just started a new job. I realize he's stressed out because of this. I'm doing my best to not to react to his little sh** fits but it is definitely abusive. He is going out of his way to nitpic.

Seren

Vent away here, Kissimiee! I'm glad he has 3 months, and I read on the alcoholism that many folks go through an angry phase where everything makes them mad or is annoying to them in early sobriety.

My ex-husband was a nitpicker toward the end...but he did not have the excuse of being a recovering alcoholic, that I'm aware of. I learned to deflect and diffuse and ignore as I could...responses like 'Oh?' and 'I see' and 'I'm sorry to hear that' worked pretty well for me.

I hope that in your case, at least, the foul mood period will pass soon!

dandylion

Kissimee---this is almost par for the course in early recovery. Doesn't mean that you just sit and take abuse, though. Do you know about "QUACKING"?? Do you know about "Dry Drunk Syndrome"?? If not--it might help you to look these up on the "Search" option in the blue bar--at the top of this page.

I found that detaching myself and putting as much mental and PHYSICAL distance as possible between me and the alcoholic worked the best. Not engaging in stupid debates; not responding to ridiculous criticisms; leaving the room or leaving the house whenever the tension go too much for me.

I sure do hope that he has a program and sponsor and, maybe, some other form of counseling to help him through this period of time. Without a program--relapse is often the outcome.....

Take care of yourself and detach! detach a lot!!!

dandylion

Hammer

Yeah. Three Months.

omigod. Just Bat Sheet Crazy. Just Crazy. We had Compulsive Lying daily, and even "voices" (persona flipping), and the kids were wondering if Momma needed to go back for repairs, or something.

You understand what folks mean when they say "detach?"

It is sort of like "get some distance." Gets you, (the kids, the dog, whomever) out of range of the Emotionally Dysregulating (how is THAT for a $10 word?) A.

Consider *they* and their brains have been sort of sedated by their Drug(s) of Choice -- typically for some years. Now the stuff is wearing off and they are dealing with emotions they have never or not fully felt in YEARS. It really is Crazy.

But none of that is you, nor about you -- so back to detachment and distance. Suppose I could dig out my Poop Throwing Monkey story. If you watch Poop Throwing Monkeys at the zoo (and Yes, Yes I do watch Poop Throwing Monkeys at the zoo, thanks for asking) even the biggest, strongest Poop Throwing Monkey can only throw his Poop, so far. So you stay out of that distance, and you get no Poop On You.

Once you watch how far YOUR Poop Throwing Monkey at your home (aka Your Recovering A), and see how far he throws his Poop, stay out of that area . . . so again, No Poop On You. Get that physical and emotional distance.

I know that Alanon teaches "Detach With Love." Seems many of us have a hard time with that. I know I do. So in that case, my back-up plan is still this -- Detach With a Chainsaw.

Real Deal -- this is often "just a thing, for just a while." If it goes past 6 months, then yeah -- it heads towards "Dry Drunk." Not Drinking, but ALL the bad behavior and worse. But even now and even if then -- IF they are working the Program it tends to keep that stuff in line.

Your Mileage May Vary.

But really about all you can do is WORK YOUR PROGRAM.

You know how to do that?

Raider

You're a better person than I, he is a BF, that's it. I say bye bye. Find someone nicer.

Justwantnormal

You always make me smile Hammer