sunflowergal29

and it is really hard!!!! I keep praying that everything is going to work out, for my hp to take good care of my babes, but man- this is hard stuff!!
He has been clean and working his program very faithfully (even started a new meeting, started going to a counsellor, has a sponsor and goes to meetings every night). He is doing great, as far as I know. We talk about 1x a week and he's been making an effort to see the kids about 1x a month (he lives 5 hours away and can't afford to come down anymore than that).
So, on Friday I am driving our kids up there for 2 whole weeks(13yr old, 11 yr old, and 9 yr old).
Trust has to be earned, and yes he has not proven that I can't trust him in the last 7 months or so. But still- last year at this time he was so into his addiction that he did a really crappy job w/ being a parent. This is in my head, and of course the what-ifs. I know I need to set some boundaries- have told the kids what they are, just haven't had the nerve to tell him yet. I worry that he'll have some stranger watching my 9 yr old girl/ 11yr old boy while he goes to a meeting/to the store or whatever. I worry that he'll forget to give our 11yr old his ritalin and this will get him out of wack. And it is the city- my kids have been used to small town life basically all of their lives ( a little sheltered). But, logically, I know he probably won't forget to give S his ritalin, that he won't leave them alone w/ a stranger (to me). I think most of all I feel like mommy has to give up the control and back off. But man- it is so hard!!
((Thanks for letting me share)))
-SFG29

DefofLov

I would be nervous too. It tough sending your kids to a possible danger zone. Be sure they know to call you if things go wrong and if they dont call and they are having a good time with their dad you can relieve yourself from the worries. As long as they know Mommie will be there in a split second if they need her, they will be okay.

Are they excited?

sunflowergal29

Thanks, DefofLov!
Yeah, I will probably be phoning there at least 2-3 times a day, lol! And they know that they can phone home anytime for any reason- I have drilled it into their heads. They also know that they need to respect my boundaries and that they are set out for their safety, no matter what Dad says/thinks. I am either going to hand him a letter when I get there (we're meeting at a public place and may not get a real chance to talk) or I'll phone him and make sure he realizes what I am and am not comfortable with. I just wish he lived a little closer- 5 hours is pretty darn far for me!
For basically their entire lives before Dec when he got clean, he didn't have his head on straight enough to manage the responsibility of 3 kids. Now that he is clean and sober, I am supposed to just be happy they have their dad (i am happy for them), but it is hard to trust his judgement, no matter how great he is doing.

DefofLov

Sux doesnt it? Hopefully this visit will go smoothly. I am glad they know MaMa is their for them. It should be okay. I will pray for you all. Man, must be really nervewrecking.

sunflowergal29

yeah, I've lost some sleep! The other night, when it started to sink in that they were going, I stayed up from about 2 am til 3:30 just thinking. Then I decided to pray- so I told my HP that I am not going to worry about anything other than setting my boundaries with him- my HP will do the rest.
I am happy for them, they are excited. My daughter is still having a hard time being away from me for that long though (she was only 4 when we split and she has been mostly around me even before he left).