Frightened and Feeling Alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Rosenberg, TX
Posts: 1
Frightened and Feeling Alone
This is my first post to this forum. (any forum, actually)
I Stumbled across this welcoming place during my usual quest for support and validation through research on the internet. My nightmare has been going on for nearly three years now.
My son is an addict. He's 22 years old and just out of 30 days in treatment. I found evidence this morning that he has used again. Of course I knew relapse was a possibility, but just never dreamed I'd be facing it this soon.
When I confronted him with what I'd found he became angry...denied using...even with the evidence right in front of him. He started in with the verbal abuse to which I've become quite acustomed. As usual he stormed out...not sure when I'll see him again.
The hope that had washed over me when he voluntarily went to treatment has been replaced with that familiar black cloud that hangs over my head at all times. It's such a desparate feeling.
I know he will turn up soon at my door. He'll be hungry, dirty, and exhausted.
Prior to his recent 30 day rehab treatment I had drawn a line. I told him he was on his own unless he got clean. He couldn't live with me, I wouldn't give him money or food...or wash his clothes...or let him shower. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. After a week or so on the street, his choice was rehab. I was elated.
How do I handle things now? Do I let him in?
I Stumbled across this welcoming place during my usual quest for support and validation through research on the internet. My nightmare has been going on for nearly three years now.
My son is an addict. He's 22 years old and just out of 30 days in treatment. I found evidence this morning that he has used again. Of course I knew relapse was a possibility, but just never dreamed I'd be facing it this soon.
When I confronted him with what I'd found he became angry...denied using...even with the evidence right in front of him. He started in with the verbal abuse to which I've become quite acustomed. As usual he stormed out...not sure when I'll see him again.
The hope that had washed over me when he voluntarily went to treatment has been replaced with that familiar black cloud that hangs over my head at all times. It's such a desparate feeling.
I know he will turn up soon at my door. He'll be hungry, dirty, and exhausted.
Prior to his recent 30 day rehab treatment I had drawn a line. I told him he was on his own unless he got clean. He couldn't live with me, I wouldn't give him money or food...or wash his clothes...or let him shower. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. After a week or so on the street, his choice was rehab. I was elated.
How do I handle things now? Do I let him in?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Hi Sooz. So sorry for what you're going through. :-(
Here's a link to the Friend's and Family of Substance Abusers forum.
You may also find it helpful to post at Friend's and Family of Alcoholics too.
I'm glad you found SR. Lots of helpful people here. I'm not sure what the best advice is for your situation. I'm sure you're worried to death. Maybe you can get him into a 90 day program? Please keep posting and let us know how you are. Sending all my best.
Here's a link to the Friend's and Family of Substance Abusers forum.
You may also find it helpful to post at Friend's and Family of Alcoholics too.
I'm glad you found SR. Lots of helpful people here. I'm not sure what the best advice is for your situation. I'm sure you're worried to death. Maybe you can get him into a 90 day program? Please keep posting and let us know how you are. Sending all my best.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to the family. 
I'd hold that line and not let him back in. He's proven he can't be trusted and you don't need that kind of aggravation hanging over your head all the time. Let him make the best of it and live with his own choices. He may have to 'hit bottom' before he takes his addiction seriously but why should you have to deal with his crap.
I'd say let him go live on his own. Take care of yourself.
You may be interested in our friends and family forum for extra insight from others in your position.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Prior to his recent 30 day rehab treatment I had drawn a line. I told him he was on his own unless he got clean. He couldn't live with me, I wouldn't give him money or food...or wash his clothes...or let him shower.
I'd say let him go live on his own. Take care of yourself.
You may be interested in our friends and family forum for extra insight from others in your position.Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. I am sorry you are in this situation. I am a mother and know how it feels to want to take care of your kids. My addict is my husband though. He relapsed over the summer and after his countless promises to get sober and my countless times of telling him that I would ask him to get out, I finally did just that after Christmas and he hadn't come home for Christmas. I didn't let him back in
If you let your son in now, you are undermining the boundaries you set and telling him by your actions that he can do anything he wants to do. My husband had promised to get sober but did nothing until he didn't have a roof over his head. That said, you will worry about your son's physical condition but addicts have a way of landing in their feet. If you don't take him in, someone else will. Most mothers would go to the ends of the earth to protect their child but you can't let him drag you down. It doesn't do him any favors either to enable him.
There is a forum on this site for families and friends of addicts. You can check on their for support as well. Again, welcome and peace.
If you let your son in now, you are undermining the boundaries you set and telling him by your actions that he can do anything he wants to do. My husband had promised to get sober but did nothing until he didn't have a roof over his head. That said, you will worry about your son's physical condition but addicts have a way of landing in their feet. If you don't take him in, someone else will. Most mothers would go to the ends of the earth to protect their child but you can't let him drag you down. It doesn't do him any favors either to enable him.
There is a forum on this site for families and friends of addicts. You can check on their for support as well. Again, welcome and peace.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Welcome Soozetti. I'm glad you found us and reached out for some help with this. I hope knowing you aren't alone will help.
I can imagine the despair you're feeling right now. There are many on SR who've dealt with the same thing - I hope you will lean on the people here as you go through this dark time. We care about you.
I can imagine the despair you're feeling right now. There are many on SR who've dealt with the same thing - I hope you will lean on the people here as you go through this dark time. We care about you.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I would say don't let him back in, keep the restrictions you set before. He has to realize that you will not give him anything he wants. He will probably be back again wanting to go to rehab again and maybe it will work then.
Good luck, I know it will be hard.
Good luck, I know it will be hard.
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