40 days
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
40 days
You thought I would say ... 40 days that my recovering addicted husbands been in his program.. but NO. It's 40 days that I have logged all my food, stuck on my exercise goals and continue to lose weight and inches.
I am taking this time, this 14 months to use it to benefit myself. No more, this is hard, or I can't believe this is happening to ME.... nope, nope, nope.
If he can quit heroin, go away for 14 months away from his kids and family and basically be in training to be a pastor... then I can stick to a calorie restriction. This is for me.
I have wanted to lose weight for 8 years. I gained it when I quit alcohol, coke, cigerettes, and basically just used food as a crutch... I have maintained this weight... for 8 years. Yet it's time to take this 90lbs off for GOOD.
As for my other half... my husband.. he did something that he has never ever done before. I basically admitted (through his actions, not words) that I was right for suspecting him. He came for a visit last wednesday and we were in our bedroom... he went into the kitchen and then quickly ran back into our bedroom closet and took out a pack of 10 needles. 3 were missing. He said, here... I had these, I had them hidden, just get rid of them.
Yes, 3 were missing.... and it was 3 times I had accused him... knowing he had used from the time of jail - to program.
Well, it was a good thing for me because it showed me that he is admitting it. We didn't discuss it... I just got rid of them in a dumpster.
I am taking this time, this 14 months to use it to benefit myself. No more, this is hard, or I can't believe this is happening to ME.... nope, nope, nope.
If he can quit heroin, go away for 14 months away from his kids and family and basically be in training to be a pastor... then I can stick to a calorie restriction. This is for me.
I have wanted to lose weight for 8 years. I gained it when I quit alcohol, coke, cigerettes, and basically just used food as a crutch... I have maintained this weight... for 8 years. Yet it's time to take this 90lbs off for GOOD.
As for my other half... my husband.. he did something that he has never ever done before. I basically admitted (through his actions, not words) that I was right for suspecting him. He came for a visit last wednesday and we were in our bedroom... he went into the kitchen and then quickly ran back into our bedroom closet and took out a pack of 10 needles. 3 were missing. He said, here... I had these, I had them hidden, just get rid of them.
Yes, 3 were missing.... and it was 3 times I had accused him... knowing he had used from the time of jail - to program.
Well, it was a good thing for me because it showed me that he is admitting it. We didn't discuss it... I just got rid of them in a dumpster.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
what a beautiful post! I will be 40 days tomorrow so your title made me smile 
good for you for not getting into a discussion about the needles!good for him for giving them to you. When D went to the SA they recommended I toss my house. Maybe you could do that? it felt good! I got rid of so much clutter! I found remnants everywhere last year, cabinets, flower vases, between pages of books (amazing how he never thought to search pages for my cash) I'm sure you get the idea. I wasn't trying to catch him, I just wanted to purge my house.
is he in a faith based program?
I admire the recovery I see in your words.
hugs
lily
good for you for not getting into a discussion about the needles!good for him for giving them to you. When D went to the SA they recommended I toss my house. Maybe you could do that? it felt good! I got rid of so much clutter! I found remnants everywhere last year, cabinets, flower vases, between pages of books (amazing how he never thought to search pages for my cash) I'm sure you get the idea. I wasn't trying to catch him, I just wanted to purge my house.
is he in a faith based program?
I admire the recovery I see in your words.
hugs
lily
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
I'm not searching his things... as I really believe it's for him to do. I feel it's some sort of invasion of his privacy. I don't think he would mind... but it's just another thing for ME to do .... that he should do for himself. I think he was shocked that I didn't find the needles ... bc he had them in a jacket that once upon a time... I would have found.
He is in a faith based program. There are a lot of rules... and everything is based upon scriptures in the bible. The church is really uplifting, as I go every Sunday and Friday night. I am really supportive of what he's doing... and still find it hard to disconnect from him. As I always have. Yet, i'm happy and walking through this without projecting. Like, when this is all over we will be in happy-fantasy-land... and everything will be great... like POOF...
No, marriage is difficult, even without drugs. So i'm working on being satisfied and happy and finding inspiration in the little things. Trying to be content on what I have in front of me... and not wishing things were different.
Thanks for recognizing lilly!!
He is in a faith based program. There are a lot of rules... and everything is based upon scriptures in the bible. The church is really uplifting, as I go every Sunday and Friday night. I am really supportive of what he's doing... and still find it hard to disconnect from him. As I always have. Yet, i'm happy and walking through this without projecting. Like, when this is all over we will be in happy-fantasy-land... and everything will be great... like POOF...
No, marriage is difficult, even without drugs. So i'm working on being satisfied and happy and finding inspiration in the little things. Trying to be content on what I have in front of me... and not wishing things were different.
Thanks for recognizing lilly!!
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