Hi There- newbie :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28
Hi There- newbie :)
Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this space & am just trying to figure it out.
My primary addiction is to marijuana, but alcohol is an issue too, as it has been part of a few relapses on weed, and I'm not "managing" the attempt at social drinking very well it seems. So I'm trying to go entirely sober & it's definitely not easy, as my denial isn't convinced as much as hitting bottom with weed & getting into recovery a year & a half ago. But I know the dangers of addiction, and am scared of my interest in other drugs & know full sobriety and dedication to an active program have to happen. I'm really at a weak point.
The Marijuana Anonymous community is smaller, and I haven't been able to find a Sponsor that works. The only one that I had fell apart early on. I'm also having a hard time w/ a few people in the fellowship, especially one guy who is at every single meeting & irritates the daylights out of me right now- like, I can't take it. I think familiarity really does breed contempt! I am even reluctant to get into it bec. Boston is so small, and I'm worried he'll see this, but seriously- it is hard to deal w/ the personalities sometimes. A good friend of mine in San Francisco said his Sponsor has him sit right next to the people who he thinks are full of crap. Ha! And pray for them! so maybe that is what I should do too. Maybe letting someone get to me is part of my own character challenge.
So I haven't been going to meetings anyway, and it doesn't help. That's why I'm here. I still need the community & haven't yet figured out where my new "home" is going to be, while avoiding MA right now. I like a few AA meetings that are much larger, and the big characters aren't able to dominate so much. And truthfully- yes, I am probably a big character too. But I am basically having a hard time with the fellowship aspect, and need a broader perspective on recovery, bec. these people are ruining it for me & I'm losing faith that this program works.
Okay- so that is my intro! I look forward to getting to know people around here.
Thanks for stopping by
I'm new to this space & am just trying to figure it out.
My primary addiction is to marijuana, but alcohol is an issue too, as it has been part of a few relapses on weed, and I'm not "managing" the attempt at social drinking very well it seems. So I'm trying to go entirely sober & it's definitely not easy, as my denial isn't convinced as much as hitting bottom with weed & getting into recovery a year & a half ago. But I know the dangers of addiction, and am scared of my interest in other drugs & know full sobriety and dedication to an active program have to happen. I'm really at a weak point.
The Marijuana Anonymous community is smaller, and I haven't been able to find a Sponsor that works. The only one that I had fell apart early on. I'm also having a hard time w/ a few people in the fellowship, especially one guy who is at every single meeting & irritates the daylights out of me right now- like, I can't take it. I think familiarity really does breed contempt! I am even reluctant to get into it bec. Boston is so small, and I'm worried he'll see this, but seriously- it is hard to deal w/ the personalities sometimes. A good friend of mine in San Francisco said his Sponsor has him sit right next to the people who he thinks are full of crap. Ha! And pray for them! so maybe that is what I should do too. Maybe letting someone get to me is part of my own character challenge.
So I haven't been going to meetings anyway, and it doesn't help. That's why I'm here. I still need the community & haven't yet figured out where my new "home" is going to be, while avoiding MA right now. I like a few AA meetings that are much larger, and the big characters aren't able to dominate so much. And truthfully- yes, I am probably a big character too. But I am basically having a hard time with the fellowship aspect, and need a broader perspective on recovery, bec. these people are ruining it for me & I'm losing faith that this program works.
Okay- so that is my intro! I look forward to getting to know people around here.
Thanks for stopping by
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR!
Some people have great success with the 12-step programs. Others do not. The important thing is that you find what works for you - and only you know if it is!
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Some people have great success with the 12-step programs. Others do not. The important thing is that you find what works for you - and only you know if it is!
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Live easy but think first
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sonoran Desert
Posts: 480
Welcome! Yeah, I struggle with the personalities in the room as well. We are sick people trying to get well and some are sicker than others. If you do like the 12 step meetings and concepts, save for the irritating people, I'd encourage you to keep coming back. The things you cited are similar to what my sponsor tells me.
He also reminds me that I can see what I want in the rooms. I can also see what I DON'T want in the rooms. Breathe. If you pray, pray. If you don't, put some good intentions into the world...
Good on you for reaching out!
Daxemus - The key to my serenity is acceptance.
If you do like the 12 step meetings and concepts, save for the irritating people, I'd encourage you to keep coming back. The things you cited are similar to what my sponsor tells me.He also reminds me that I can see what I want in the rooms. I can also see what I DON'T want in the rooms. Breathe. If you pray, pray. If you don't, put some good intentions into the world...
Good on you for reaching out!
Daxemus - The key to my serenity is acceptance.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
Different areas or regions of any country will have stronger AA fellowship and weaker CA/NA/GA/SA fellowship or vice versa. I know this from fact, my area that I live in has pockets of strong AA fellowship with a weaker CA or NA fellowship. While I drive 180 miles North. Its the other way around.
I have never heard of Marijuana Anonymous before, I thought it fell into NA or something.
Not too sure what you mean by big characters, whether its huge egos which is common, or they just have large characters, like laughing out loud, some quirkiness to them. But different meetings in a given area give off different vibes and feels. There are some meetings around here were its very clicky (groupy, gang-like), if they dont know you, know your name they will never ask you to share. Which is common across the board really. People have a hard time saying "Hey you, sitting there in the blue coat, would you like to share". While others just do that all the time. Other meetings will have a theme of, Love is the cure for alcoholism. While other meeting rooms will be more on the topic of how your day, week or month went, which never kept me sober for any considerable length of time. So I roamed around, never had a home group, never had a sponsor, never got close to anyone to be their friend, never worked any steps and I would leave the meeting sometimes pissed off which is deadly. Now I am apart of, rather then seperate from and the meeting before the meeting is awesome. The friends I have made in the rooms is amazing for this loner alcoholic. Even in sobriety I get those loner tendancies back sometimes. So find a meeting like you like and dive into it.
I have never heard of Marijuana Anonymous before, I thought it fell into NA or something.
Not too sure what you mean by big characters, whether its huge egos which is common, or they just have large characters, like laughing out loud, some quirkiness to them. But different meetings in a given area give off different vibes and feels. There are some meetings around here were its very clicky (groupy, gang-like), if they dont know you, know your name they will never ask you to share. Which is common across the board really. People have a hard time saying "Hey you, sitting there in the blue coat, would you like to share". While others just do that all the time. Other meetings will have a theme of, Love is the cure for alcoholism. While other meeting rooms will be more on the topic of how your day, week or month went, which never kept me sober for any considerable length of time. So I roamed around, never had a home group, never had a sponsor, never got close to anyone to be their friend, never worked any steps and I would leave the meeting sometimes pissed off which is deadly. Now I am apart of, rather then seperate from and the meeting before the meeting is awesome. The friends I have made in the rooms is amazing for this loner alcoholic. Even in sobriety I get those loner tendancies back sometimes. So find a meeting like you like and dive into it.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
Welcome Athene. I went to a few meetings a few years ago. I wasn't feeling it and eventually went back to my old ways. This time around, I have been relying on this forum, reading lots of posts, implementing tips from others and learning about my AV. Best wishes in making a plan that works for you. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Wait...there are irritating and irritated people...in MA??? ;-) <---sarcastic ones too??
Joking aside- If you've found that meeting to be helpful, keep going. Don't let anybody take that source of support from you. They're not worth that IMO. Or, maybe mix it up a bit so that you spend some time in other meetings- rather than going back to the same one where it's so irritating. You're probably not the only one who is irritated by certain characters really. Maybe you can corral yourself a group of like-minded people, you know? Best case scenario- definitely try to be compassionate toward people who irk you. Maybe that's not possible right now. If not, try to give your focus to the people that you admire, pay no mind to the rest.
It's a rough crowd for sure. And yes it's VERY small! LOL But, I wouldn't worry too much about that here. People here are from all over.
Welcome to SR!! Hope to hear more from you.
Joking aside- If you've found that meeting to be helpful, keep going. Don't let anybody take that source of support from you. They're not worth that IMO. Or, maybe mix it up a bit so that you spend some time in other meetings- rather than going back to the same one where it's so irritating. You're probably not the only one who is irritated by certain characters really. Maybe you can corral yourself a group of like-minded people, you know? Best case scenario- definitely try to be compassionate toward people who irk you. Maybe that's not possible right now. If not, try to give your focus to the people that you admire, pay no mind to the rest.
It's a rough crowd for sure. And yes it's VERY small! LOL But, I wouldn't worry too much about that here. People here are from all over.
Welcome to SR!! Hope to hear more from you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28
Thank you!
Thank you everyone for responding! I don't know why that is such a big surprise, but it is, and the words are also super helpful- all of them. MUCH GRATITUDE!
With a lot of chiming in on the disagreeable factor w/in the meetings, it helps to see it could be going on anywhere. I hear about dramas going on in other groups, like a monumental crises over whether to turn a lamp on or not, and I gather it is the nature of recovery sometimes. We are all teachers to each other somehow, and when buttons are getting pushed, there must be a big lesson going on. Maybe it's not yours?
For my own sanity, I can't be near this guy, who I think is a wolf in sheep's clothing w/ this bizarre "King of the Hill" ego complex of so much service, like he's someone to be worshiped, but then he outs people behind their back abt. their problems w/ this judgy, shaming, absolute lack of discretion or compassion that defeats the whole purpose. I wasn't healthy or sober enough for a long time to see through all of this, and I feel it's like waking up to a nightmare. Or he's on something, which I also suspect. Good times!
Anyway- I'm really just seeking out positivity at this stage. Made it to church on Sunday & had an awesome experience- loving God, thankful, grateful. Having to force myself out of isolation too, which in winter is easy to do, so the church idea is a way to seek out community. I guess you can learn from the program, but like everyone says, ultimately have to design a new way of life that turns towards healthy ways of coping, however that looks.
Thank you all so much. This is truly a gift.
With a lot of chiming in on the disagreeable factor w/in the meetings, it helps to see it could be going on anywhere. I hear about dramas going on in other groups, like a monumental crises over whether to turn a lamp on or not, and I gather it is the nature of recovery sometimes. We are all teachers to each other somehow, and when buttons are getting pushed, there must be a big lesson going on. Maybe it's not yours?
For my own sanity, I can't be near this guy, who I think is a wolf in sheep's clothing w/ this bizarre "King of the Hill" ego complex of so much service, like he's someone to be worshiped, but then he outs people behind their back abt. their problems w/ this judgy, shaming, absolute lack of discretion or compassion that defeats the whole purpose. I wasn't healthy or sober enough for a long time to see through all of this, and I feel it's like waking up to a nightmare. Or he's on something, which I also suspect. Good times!
Anyway- I'm really just seeking out positivity at this stage. Made it to church on Sunday & had an awesome experience- loving God, thankful, grateful. Having to force myself out of isolation too, which in winter is easy to do, so the church idea is a way to seek out community. I guess you can learn from the program, but like everyone says, ultimately have to design a new way of life that turns towards healthy ways of coping, however that looks.
Thank you all so much. This is truly a gift.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Taunton, MA
Posts: 267
Hey there,
I'm south of boston...how are you liking the snow today? anyways i'm going through a similar situation as you. i'm on day 7 without weed/alcohol. how old are you by chance? 30 here. just wondering if we are in similar situations regarding our age as well.
good luck
I'm south of boston...how are you liking the snow today? anyways i'm going through a similar situation as you. i'm on day 7 without weed/alcohol. how old are you by chance? 30 here. just wondering if we are in similar situations regarding our age as well.
good luck
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Originally Posted by matt4x4 
I have never heard of Marijuana Anonymous before, I thought it fell into NA or something.
Marijuana Anonymous (MA) formed in June 1989 to address compulsive use of cannabis. Since its inception, the MA fellowship has followed the Twelve Traditions and suggests practicing the Twelve Steps, both of which originated from Alcoholics Anonymous. Among the founders at the first MA conference in Morro Bay were delegates from Marijuana Smokers Anonymous (Orange County, California), Marijuana Addicts Anonymous (the San Francisco Bay area), and Marijuana Anonymous (Los Angeles County). Other existing fellowships from Seattle and New York (1974), enfolded into MA later.
(o:
NoelleR
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Just to clarify real quick...my use of "MA" in my previous post was in reference to Massachusetts.. not marijuana anonymous. Just realized the two could be confused! In no way bashing marijuana anonymous members... Just bashing my fellow Mass folk. :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by krete77
Hey there,
I'm south of boston...how are you liking the snow today? anyways i'm going through a similar situation as you. i'm on day 7 without weed/alcohol. how old are you by chance? 30 here. just wondering if we are in similar situations regarding our age as well.
good luck
I'm south of boston...how are you liking the snow today? anyways i'm going through a similar situation as you. i'm on day 7 without weed/alcohol. how old are you by chance? 30 here. just wondering if we are in similar situations regarding our age as well.
good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by EverySngleNight
Just to clarify real quick...my use of "MA" in my previous post was in reference to Massachusetts.. not marijuana anonymous. Just realized the two could be confused! In no way bashing marijuana anonymous members... Just bashing my fellow Mass folk. :-)
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