pdub26

I'm new to this site and forums in general, but I'm willing to try and do anything to change my life. I've been an addict since I was 16 and I'm now in my early 30's. In the last three years my wife divorced me, I lost my freedom due to a DUI, I went to inpatient rehab, I lived in a recovery house, I almost lost the rights to be a father to my baby boy. Last night I relapsed, and today I signed up on here. I'm lonely, angry, depressed, scared, and just plain tired. I don't know why I use, and I know that I shouldn't because of what I could lose....but I still do it. I feel like I have 2 personalities when it comes to drugs and alcohol. That's all I got for now.

...I want to beat this, and I hope this site will help

SeaScape

Hi there! This site has helped me lots. You will find help and inspiration here. Welcome to the community! I am newly sober and couldn't do it without the help of others, this site, and changing my daily life. I also have two personalities when I drink: jerk and non-jerk! Lol!
Stay strong...sobriety is worth it...you can do this!

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR pdub.

I am intimately familiar with this feeling. There is a committee in my head, and they are bitterly debating my future. Every day. One is the ME who wants to live happily ever after. The other is my ADDICTION who will tell ME anything to get me to pick up again.

It took me far longer than I wish it had for me to realize this, but EVERYTHING my ADDICTION ever told ME was a lie. All of it. Lies.

I stopped taking advice on my future from a known liar. You can, too.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Joe Nerv

If you are as willing as you state, you are in the best possible place you can be at this time. I'll keep it simple...

Do a search for AA in your area, find a meeting near you, and go. Raise your hand, say that you're new, and that you're willing to do anything you have to get clean and sober. You will be in good hands.

pdub26

I'm familiar with meetings, and very familiar with thinking I can attend them here and there. I'm a liar. I need them to survive! Today is a rough day...not wanting to really be around anyone. I know that days like today are the days that exactly what I need is to be around my people. I have a an appointment with my drug counselor later today...Hoping it gets me out of this funk

Nonsensical

Which one of your personalities doesn't want to be around anyone? I have found that doing the exact opposite of what my addiction wants leads to generally positive outcome.

pdub26

I think today I just feel ashamed. The "I want to do better" personality is around today. I relapsed last night, so physically I'm not feeling well today. I am going to my therapy session in an hour...I don't really want to go, but I know it will help

matt4x4

I remember being in your shoes mate. I was inprisoned myself for multiple dui's. I was willing to stand on my head for hours to be able not to drink. I was ready to take a pill that would cure this problem I had, and knowing me...if the bottle said take one pill....I probably would have taken 2 or 3 of those pills and downed it with a 6 pack thinking it will just happen quicker and faster. There in itself is the problem. The way I think. I needed to change the way I thought, find a higher power that will help me through my problems then pass on what was so freely given to me. I was embarrased and ashamed the first time I was locked up, the second time I was locked up I asked the guard what was for lunch. I had to change or I would die. And me to die an alcoholic death is not a pleasant site, not one bit. I had to be willing to see what the 12 steps had to offer me and not take it slow, not do a step a year because this is a deadly disease. I had to work the steps in order to get better. It would never happen that I would get better first then work the steps.

KateL

You have come to the right place pdub xxxxx

least

Where there is life, there is hope. Don't give up on yourself. You can put the bottle down and regain your life and happiness.

pdub26

I just want to say Thank you to everyone that responded to my post today. I never would have thought that a forum like this would be a lifeline...but here I am. I woke up this morning in a very dark place, and unfortunately I have been here before. I have been reading threads from SC for awhile now and today I thought I have nothing else to lose, so I signed up. I'm glad I did. Ive been battling addiction for too long on my own and Ive had enough, I cant fight this alone. I'm tired and weak. I made the mistake in thinking I could handle this on my own, but I know now (again) I'm powerless over this disease. I will use this site as another tool in my recovery from hear on out. I hope to make many connections here that will hold me accountable for years to come. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

pdub26

And yes the way I think is my problem also

SoberLeigh

You are not alone. SR is here for you. Welcome.

Bruce292

I too had a problem with alcohol as well as drugs. I took just about anything you can think of ... and many chemicals most have never even heard of in an attempt to find a way out. In reality I was just closing myself in. This site has been one important facet of my recovery. There were several situations where I think I would have relapsed if I didn't have this site to go to first. Lots of wonderful people here.

Thank you for posting and hang in there.

Hevyn

I'm glad you found us pdub. Reaching out for help is a brave thing to do - some never find the courage to change. I'm sorry for the pain your addiction has caused you - but here's where it can end. Your new life is waiting, and you can do this.

pdub26

Ending day 1 with an 8:00 AA meeting. Night and day from this morning

Mountainmanbob

have seen many come around with the following

reading of the AA Big Book
AA meetings (preferred by most over NA meetings)
a solid moral sponsor
church and bible studies (recommended to early AA members)
exercise (bicycle riding and hiking are nice so as to get out doors)

most say that they are willing to do most anything
but -- few really are

PS
spending an hour or two on this site each day
reminds me of what I wish not to forget

I'm only a drink or drug away from the pit of hell

this sobriety thing has been working for me over 6 years now

Mountainman

pdub26

Thank You Mountainmanbob. I hope in time my actions will speak louder than my words.

matt4x4

Thats the MAIN problem. The way we THINK.

Mountainmanbob

I think that's when it starts to get good for us
after a while of being sober
ones around us look differently at us
and we also think of and look differently at ourselves

good thoughts mixed with a good feelings

good luck to you pdub
Mountainman