Serotonin

I don't care how bad I feel about my life being in shambles, I'm done feeling self pitty and resentment about how my life has turned out. I'm done looking in the mirror and hating myself. I'm ready for this battle towards a better life. I'm also done counting my days sober, as for me it seemingly serves as a constant reminder of alcohol and acts as a trigger. I know when I quit February 15th, so I'll leave it at that. Also, AA isn't for me. Being around others in recovery also acts as a trigger. I don't have much internet access these days so I will check in when I can. Cheers.

Dee74

Good to hear from you Serotonin.
Check in when you can

D

savarna

Love your fighting spirit good on you

IOAA2

Good for you! Being honest with ourselves is a help in staying on the sober path. Determination and acceptance of where I was headed got my head out of the sand and towards the sanity I needed. The resulting sobriety is on the path of lots of work, even if I didn't like it all the time.

BE WELL

least

I'm glad you're back giving it another go.

Charlie117926

Hello Serotonin:

I think about you often and pray for you. You were one of the posts I continually read when I joined the board. I have 18 days under my belt and I know if I can do it you can too. Hang in there my friend. It gets better. I realized the reasons I drank was self pity and always thinking about yesterday instead of today and tomorrow. I was also bored by my own doing. so I got active with things I enjoyed and have stuck with them. It wasn't easy and no the fight is not over, but today I will conquer and so will you.

Serotonin

I hit a rough patch for a while. My car broke down, I ran out of money, and earlier this year I tore my rotator cuff falling down some stairs. I was facing losing my apartment and moving back home with my mother at 34 years old. Some how I always managed to scrape up enough money to get drunk, even if it was just a few dollars in coins to buy some cheap disgusting high alcohol malt liquor. Imagine that.... here I am down on my luck and broke, yet I can scrape at least $4 a day to drink. I've been so full of s**t. I've been spending at least enough money on booze that I could take that cash and put it toward getting my life out of this mess. Time to buck up and face life or just keep painting myself into a corner while my life deteriorates. Screw that. I want to live.

I never graduated school, so I plan on focusing ongetting my GED this year in hopes to being able to get better jobs and maybe even further my education. I need some goals. I think thats a good place to start. I have a friend helping me out. I feel like this is my last chance. I'm not going to blow it this time. Goodbye booze, hello life.

Serotonin

Thanks. I totally relate. Be well and congrats on 18 days!

Charlie117926

One more thing Serotonin

Meetings did not work for me either. As well counting days did not work (I know I have 18days as I put down the booze again on Feb 1st so its easy to track.) Those two things were triggers for me as well. I have made the decision to just move on and get my life back. This website is my support group. I have simply decided that today, I will not drink. Keep looking forward not back. It does help.

Serotonin

Right on.. let me say that I am a bit taken back that you thought of me and that something I posted meant enough to you that you read it multiple times. One of my big emotional issues has been that I feel abandoned by my family. I'm the youngest of 4 and my family disintegrated when I was young and I was the one around for my father to abuse physically and emotionally and my mother to abuse emotionally as well. It made me, and makes me still feel unimportant to them which hurts tremendously. I am learning to let that go and focus on the people who make me feel good. I have always felt that my feelings and well being have been minimized by those who I expected to be close to me. So, when I do or say something that means something to someone it makes me feel good.

So thank you. I will think of you often. Best wishes friend.

Charlie117926

You and I are a lot alike. My family dissolved (divorced) when I was young. Both parents were good to me, they were just never there due to work and life, so I basically raised myself. I too focused on everyone else's happiness for a long time but I had had to come to the point to focus on myself. I learned that no one can make you happy but yourself. I am at heart a people needing person, but I re-focused that even though I need people and want to make them happy, I have an more important obligation to myself to live my life and create MY own happiness. It may sound selfish, but that is not the intent.

And yes, for some reason your posts have stuck out to me since I joined. I always check to see if you are on the board when I log in and check for your posts. Your posts have been there for me in some tough spots and they have helped me get through the day. Even though you may not know people on the board personally, you are making a difference to us and me as well. Take care Brother. I will be thinking of you and your well being. Stay strong my friend.

KateL

xxxx