Stupid stupid me
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 225
Stupid stupid me
I was doing so well. I have been sober for 5 months. HOWEVER. About six weeks ago I decided I had the problem under control. I had stopped obsessing about not drinking and decided that I was cured. I reckoned that it hadn't been all that difficult and I could most probably drink again, moderately. I chose to wait til I had reached 5 months. That way, I figured, I wasn't just weakening and giving in but still the one in control and doing it in a controlled fashion.
I stopped posting on SR because it felt fraudulent, knowing that I was going to drink again. D day, Friday night. I didn't even have that much; a bit of prosecco and some red wine. Clearly my tolerance has gone. An amount that wouldn't normally affect me totally wiped me out; big headache, nausea, shakiness and of course the horrible anxiety that goes with a hangover. I literally feel like I had been poisoned (I guess I had!). Sunday morning now and I still have a headache.
I know what I have to do. I know there will be difficult times when I feel boring/pressurized etc but the benefits of abstaining far outweigh the strain of these moments. I'm going to stick close to SR to keep myself accountable. I couldn't have done it in the first place without this site.
Thankyou for listening
I stopped posting on SR because it felt fraudulent, knowing that I was going to drink again. D day, Friday night. I didn't even have that much; a bit of prosecco and some red wine. Clearly my tolerance has gone. An amount that wouldn't normally affect me totally wiped me out; big headache, nausea, shakiness and of course the horrible anxiety that goes with a hangover. I literally feel like I had been poisoned (I guess I had!). Sunday morning now and I still have a headache.
I know what I have to do. I know there will be difficult times when I feel boring/pressurized etc but the benefits of abstaining far outweigh the strain of these moments. I'm going to stick close to SR to keep myself accountable. I couldn't have done it in the first place without this site.
Thankyou for listening
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Clemence 
I know what I have to do. I know there will be difficult times when I feel boring/pressurized etc but the benefits of abstaining far outweigh the strain of these moments. I'm going to stick close to SR to keep myself accountable.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
don't get too down on yourself.
I did the EXACT same thing at almost 6 months a couple years back.
I had even been explicitly WARNED by my therapist "5-6 months is a very common milestone for relapse".
Of course my unconscious response was to stop seeing my therapist somewhere around 3 months.....
I 'had it under control'. It 'hadn't been all that difficult'. I had 'just needed a re-set'.
I gradually went back out, very controlled and civilized at first... no big deal... never really 'drunk.... just social and having fun.
It took over a year and a half and many blackouts and a lot of self-beration and failed attempts to moderate and a visit from the cops to finally get past that and realize quite clearly that I was not "fine".
Count yourself blessed that you had this experience so quickly and realize that it's not the right path for you.
Welcome back.
I did the EXACT same thing at almost 6 months a couple years back.
I had even been explicitly WARNED by my therapist "5-6 months is a very common milestone for relapse".
Of course my unconscious response was to stop seeing my therapist somewhere around 3 months.....
I 'had it under control'. It 'hadn't been all that difficult'. I had 'just needed a re-set'.
I gradually went back out, very controlled and civilized at first... no big deal... never really 'drunk.... just social and having fun.
It took over a year and a half and many blackouts and a lot of self-beration and failed attempts to moderate and a visit from the cops to finally get past that and realize quite clearly that I was not "fine".
Count yourself blessed that you had this experience so quickly and realize that it's not the right path for you.
Welcome back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: sunderland England
Posts: 18
Hiya clemnce
i did the exacat same thing as you at 7 months i couldn't pull it back and ended uon a 10 day bender lost my job i had to have a private detox to get back on track don't let the same thing happen to you bounce m
back,brush it off and show alchol it ain't beaten you it just caught you off guard.
i did the exacat same thing as you at 7 months i couldn't pull it back and ended uon a 10 day bender lost my job i had to have a private detox to get back on track don't let the same thing happen to you bounce m
back,brush it off and show alchol it ain't beaten you it just caught you off guard.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
What was the allure that made you give drinking another try? Was it that you wanted the physical feeling, or was it to fit into the so-called "social drinker" mold? I am just curious as to what the thought process is leading up to that decision.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 225
Well Notmyrealname I think it was largely nostalgia and romanticising the good times. Also remembering that ahh physical feeling that came after the first drink. Also feeling like the boring goody two shoes when I'm with my friends.
So many excuses but this episode has really confirmed to me that I just can't cope with it any more and moderating is just not something I am capable of. I said I didn't drink much but it was probably a bottle in total which isn't exactly moderate I suppose!
Thank you all for your understanding and encouraging words. I feel like I'm back in the fold where I belong
So many excuses but this episode has really confirmed to me that I just can't cope with it any more and moderating is just not something I am capable of. I said I didn't drink much but it was probably a bottle in total which isn't exactly moderate I suppose!
Thank you all for your understanding and encouraging words. I feel like I'm back in the fold where I belong
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,011
Hey Clemence
I am sorry to hear about the relapse. However, it seems like a mild one and no major issues aside from not feeling well. Recover well, reflect back and move forward ! Welcome back to SR, the past 5 months have taught you a lot ! Pls do come back to our class of September and stay close !
I am sorry to hear about the relapse. However, it seems like a mild one and no major issues aside from not feeling well. Recover well, reflect back and move forward ! Welcome back to SR, the past 5 months have taught you a lot ! Pls do come back to our class of September and stay close !
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Hi Clemence,
The same exact thing happened to me on Christmas. After almost four months of sobriety, I didn't realize my tolerance went down so far. Three big glasses of wine in an hour and I was first smashed and then sicker than a dog! Bad hangover! I did feel poisoned too!
If anything, it convinced me that I never want to feel like that again.
So, I'm sorry that happened to you - but for me it was a blessing in disguise.
Welcome back and do come back to September: We've missed you!!
The same exact thing happened to me on Christmas. After almost four months of sobriety, I didn't realize my tolerance went down so far. Three big glasses of wine in an hour and I was first smashed and then sicker than a dog! Bad hangover! I did feel poisoned too!
If anything, it convinced me that I never want to feel like that again.
So, I'm sorry that happened to you - but for me it was a blessing in disguise.
Welcome back and do come back to September: We've missed you!!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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Proud of you Clemence - you've learned something valuable.
I needed to have that happen a few times. I stubbornly insisted if I used enough willpower I could have a a bit now and then. I had the same experience you did - when I picked up after being sober it brought me down hard. There's nothing in it for us anymore. We're glad you're back.
I needed to have that happen a few times. I stubbornly insisted if I used enough willpower I could have a a bit now and then. I had the same experience you did - when I picked up after being sober it brought me down hard. There's nothing in it for us anymore. We're glad you're back.
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