2muchpain

I just finished a phone call from somebody from this site. It helped, but I really realize how lonely I am. Sure, I have brought this up before, but gotten posts from people that are not really alone. People say they are alone when their married or have a boyfriend or girlfriend. People say they are alone when they have lots of friends. I knew somebody that said she was lonely, but whenever I called her, somebody was there or was coming over. Someone on this forum said she was alone, but was married and going out to dinner. I'm assuming that was with other people. Give me a break! ALONE IS ALONE. Nobody around. NOBODY. Why is it so hard for people to truly understand ALONE? Alone means zero, ziltch, nada. I am tired of people saying they are alone, but talk about their husband wife or they get a call from a friend. That's not being really alone. Alone is dieing and nobody finding me until my rent is due, or somebody smells my dead body. That's really being alone. PLEASE, DON'T RESPOND TO THIS POST. Just wanted to get this out.

Dee74

I get it - you're alone.

I was alone too 2much - really alone - when I got sober there was literally noone else in my life to turn to but SR.

if you want to play 'worse than'?:

I was also disabled (cerebral palsy), housebound, had major communication difficulties with my speech, and also suffered several mini strokes in my detox.

I still got sober.

Drinking was killing me - sobriety was my only chance.

It might just be your only chance too 2 much.

D

DoubleBarrel

At AA meetings here, they give you a sheet full of names and phone numbers of people you can call anytime any day, and there are things to do constantly.
I don't know where you are, but if it's anywhere near a populated area, this is a problem that can also be solved.
What this sounds like, is feeling sorry for yourself, which is a major red flag for relapse.

Mags1

Sorry you're sad at being alone, but yes, we are all alone at one time of our life or another.

I'm guessing you don't like being alone, is there anything you can do to be with people?

We can help you if you want help but firstly, take some steps to join us in conversation.


Take care, 2muchpain x

Skye2

Hi 2much - a few months ago, it could have been me you were describing there and I am sure there are many more people. My solution was to do some voluntary work - force myself out of my misery to be amongst people.
There are ways of getting out of this Even if it's something like getting a dog -other dog walkers are great at saying hi - you soon build up friendships.

If you pm me where in the world that you are - I can perhaps come up with more suggestions appropriate to you

Hang in there Xx

least

I live alone but have adjusted to it. I realize you're lonely. Is there anything you can do, any place you can go, to get out of yourself for a bit? Just sitting home by yourself isn't good. Get out and do something. Volunteer for someone less well off than you are.

hypochondriac

I understand your frustration. I live alone and have few friends, no family near me... I can easily convince myself that I have nobody. I always hated it in recovery meetings where they talked about family and friends as a support network because that just wasn't an option for me. When I had to go for an operation and I needed someone to look after me for 24 hours... I always hated that people assume everyone has someone. But a massive aspect of this is my inability to be around people and make friends. I also isolated because of my drinking and that is a natural tendency for me. Getting a dog really helped cos at least I speak to people on a regular basis. But have you any idea how much effort people put into making friends... It isn't something that comes easily, something that you either have or don't. It takes effort and maintenance. We do have the option to make changes if we want to x

venuscat

I hear you 2muchpain ~ It can be really hard.
I get jealous of those who have partners and children sometimes....it has just been me for so long now. But I come here, every day....it really helps.

All I know is the more I work on my recovery, the better my life gets.

Love Venus xx

thatcat

Hi. I am alone as well. 24/7 except for brief interactions when I get groceries and other errands. I spend a lot of time on my bed watching TV or on the computer and am feeling down about it lately.

Canada here. Divorced, 48 years old, female, and no friends (other than online ones). Dui a couple of years ago (criminal record) so most volunteering is pretty much out of the question, and getting a job has been difficult. I had been going to AA but haven't been in awhile. I need to find a way to begin friendships too.

For one, I am thinking of trying a different AA meeting, as I found the group I was going to to be too close-knit and I felt like an outsider even after 6 months of weekly attendance.

I know it's up to me to do something if I want friends. Having social anxiety makes it difficult for me, but not impossible. I like the dog walking idea that someone mentioned above. I have a dog. .... Also, I don't know where you are, but here our health authority gives different Health & Wellness classes for FREE .. like weight loss and exercising, dealing with different addictions, managing stress, parenting, nutrition, budgeting, and all sorts of other stuff. Also there are other general interest classes throughout the city that don't cost much that start up in Sept. and Jan. I am sure there are some other ones for spring/summer too.

These are things I am going to look into... maybe some of those types of things would help you too?

Hang in there. Things can change, but they will remain the same until we choose to take steps to make changes. We can do this!

Tiptree

I am not alone (husband, family, friends, dog) but I know loneliness. I have a loners personality and tend to isolate, especially when I'm very troubled about something. It was much worse when I was drinking, and I loved drinking alone. Living in my own fantasy world was so easy compared to reality. Reading these posts my heart goes out. Relationships, intimacy is not easy to come by, especially as we get older. I have to work on it daily even in my long term relationships. I know that no one is going to come knocking on my door wanting to save me from myself, that's a drinking fantasy. So if I don't want to be alone I'm gonna have to work at it. 2Much, your thinking is skewed by the booze and isolation. You need to step out and get help. It's hard but I believe you can do it. You want to do it. We are waiting and hopeful.

2muchpain

Been to AA meetings for years, mentioned I was new, but never got a list of names and numbers. Finally got disgusted and shared my concerns. One person after the meeting took my number, but never called. New women get numbers a whole lot quicker than the men. Don't know why, but that's been my experience. AA is good for a lot of things, but making sober friends is not one of them. I have done everything I was told to do except bend over and take it (wasn't told to do that), so I know it's not me. AA is nothing more than a big fraternity where a lot of people do what they can to be accepted but only a few are really accepted. A lady once said that if someone is at the meetings to make friends, they may be very disappointed. She was right. The old timers at AA meetings couldn't care less about newcomers, because they figure they won't be there for long and their right, but sometimes those newcomers are just looking for someone to show they care. That's a part of AA that nobody wants to talk about, but it exists. Getting out of my self-pity might require doing some volunteer work and maybe making friends there. But a few sober friends at AA would of helped. You can't name one thing I haven't tried several times to connect with the people there. All they care about is themselves and their friends. Maybe they should re-read the twelfth step and actually follow it. I've accepted that, and am ready to move on.

hauntao

It's hard sometimes for me. I find that reading, doing art, connecting on the internet helps.

2muchpain

PS. I asked that nobody respond to this post. I already know I am feeling sorry for myself, but everybody has to start somewhere. I was just trying to get this off my chest. I know I have to get myself out of this rut. Nobody has to tell me this.

MythOfSisyphus

Like you said, we're just trying to show you that we care. That's what this community is for- to help each other. Booze has brought every one of us down pretty low at some point. I too have been alone (the kind where no one would find my body til the stench got bad or the rent didn't get paid). But you I got through it.

I don't think it's just self pity you feel. Sounds like a little depression mixed in there. Anger is the other side of that.

EndGameNYC

Yesterday in one of your posts, you wrote something along the lines of "PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS POST."

You've posted other comments in which you've made it difficult for other people to help you and have been otherwise defensive.

With all due concern and respect, I truly believe that you have no idea how much and in how many different ways you push people away. Setting the terms of engagement to your satisfaction is only one of them.

If you seriously want help in developing intimacy and friendships with other people, you need to try something different. The very fact of your being so alone in the world at your age demonstrates that whatever you've been doing doesn't work.

2muchpain

EndGameNYC
You are right that I keep people at a distance, until I know them well. There was one person from AA that I did get to know well, and trusted her with anything. Unfortunately she moved away, but she offered her friendship to me and I was open to it. If other people at the meeting did the same, I'd jump at the chance to get to know them. I have met many people at AA meetings, and trusted them I'd drive them around, give them a few bucks, bought them cigs., but they would only call if they needed something, rarely asking how I am doing. That's just the way it's been for me. I'll never forget this guy that I hadn't seen in a while, very upset over that. He never asked me how I was doing, only said he was upset because he needed money and cigs. True story. Some people will take advantage of a person in a heart beat. That's a fact. If I open my wallet, I'll have lots of friends, same situation when I was drugging.
If I have come across as defensive, it is mostly because people didn't understand what I posted, or I didn't express myself well enough.
Yes, I do need to try different things if I want to meet people. Nobody is going knocking on my door, and I don't expect them to. There is an website called meetups that put people together for different activities. Volunteering for something is another option. Having a few people at AA to hang with would of been nice, but yes, after years of trying, I've pretty much given up on that, although I'm still open to it.
If I am defensive at AA meetings, I have a reason for it. I didn't walk into those meetings that way. If you want a friend there, pull out some cigs or open your wallet. People will flock around me, and the calls will keep coming. I'm sure others' have different experiences but those are mine.
As far as asking people not to respond to a post, I just wanted to vent and not waste peoples' time. That simple. People have more important things to do than respond to my rants. It's just stuff I wanted to get out. Some things don't require a response.

Dee74

SR, and Newcomers Forum in particular, doesn't work like that tho 2much.
We're a support forum - you're part of the family and we want to help.

If you really want to vent and really want to limit your replies, use our blogs - but I think you'd be missing out on some great love, support...and hope.

D

2muchpain

I should add that I have been in touch with a few people from this forum, and It has helped tremendously. Talking to people on my phone is great and much more personal. They call me, and I call them. That's a great start for me.

2muchpain

Thanks Dee, I never thought of it that way. I really just didn't want to bother people with my stupid rants. I'm used to keep this stuff to myself and I hate putting people out. My stuff is minor compared to others. I just felt to expect them to take time out of their busy day with bigger problems wouldn't be right. Maybe in the future, I should be a little more careful what I post, and keep the little things to myself. I'm not being sarcastic, I really mean that.

Dee74

Thanks back atcha

Your stuff is your stuff - it's not minor to you and it's not minor to us.
It matters - and so do you

D