zoey09

I had 3 months clean at the end of last year, and a slip in November turned into a relapse and I ve been going thru the same cycle as before, staying clean for short periods of time and then messing it all up again.


I feel alone and ashamed. I know I should try and reach out for help but sometimes I feel to embarrassed to even post in SR because my posts sound like a broken record. I've found that counselling only did so much for me in the past. Anytime I think I should go try the 12 Step approach my social anxiety gets in the way.


I know I'm an addict, I abuse alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and food - anything really to try and fill this void, numb myself or deal with emotions. My mental and physical health are suffering, yet I keep putting myself thru this, I feel lost, when will I ever get it together?

Notimetoloose

Hey Zoey, It's OK...start again, it's worth it... have you got any SMART meetings near you, they operate differently to 12 step meetings, much more kicked back and look at awareness & behavioural changes that we can make, Everyone sits around a table and talk if you want. They still have tea and coffee.

zoey09

Notime - thanks for the reply. I really liked the idea of SMART recovery (was introduced to it when I went to rehab) but unfortunately it hasn't made its way to the city near me, closest meeting is in a city about 1.5 hrs drive away...

alphaomega

Please don't ever be ashamed to post here. That is why this place exists.

To aid us in our darkest hours.

You CAN do this. We will help. Lean on us.

FeelingGreat

Hi Zoey, you're an addict, and possibly most of your life challenges stem from that, not the other way around. Many of us are addicts too, whether it be alcohol or other DOC.
You've tried doing it on your own and had some success; what would it take to overcome your social anxiety and try an AA meeting so you have support for the long term? Would it mean taking a friend with you the first few times (you don't even have to speak)? Possibly someone could greet you and look after you for the first few times if you contact them first?
You lasted 3 months last time and you can think hard about what triggered your relapse. Lots of us tried quitting for years before we nailed it. One of the keys to success is taking lessons from our failure, seeing them as part of our journey, and trying again.

zoey09

Well, these emotional issues have been with me since I was young, I was extremely introverted, still am. Alcohol and drugs gave me courage helped me come out of my shell. Without that false courage I feel awkward and alone like I did when I was a kid... The thought of walking into a meeting terrifies me (although I have done it a couple times and survived) And I think why I relapsed was because I wasn't dealing with all these underlying issues I've had since I was a kid when I was sober for those few months, social anxiety, depression, no self confidence or self love... How does one work thru these, or at least make peace with them? I don't have many friends right now, no one I'd feel comfortable asking to go with me to a meeting. Kind of a catch 22, I want human interaction, yet I'm scared to put myself out there.

least

You'll get it all together when you want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Anna

Zoey, never give up. This disease is relentless and you must fight.

There is always someone here to listen and talk to, so keep reading and posting.

terbo

You can do it again. We're here for you.

KateL

Yes, agree with all the above, just try again and don't look back xxxx