2bhappier

Here in am on vacation and I am anxious about everything. In addition to being anxious about alcohol I am terrified about gaining weight and not getting enough exercise while on vacation. At home I monitor my weight closely and keep a calendar of my weight, daily exercise, and how much I did or did not drink. This is all in a calendar and I have 20 plus years worth of these calendars stored so I can look back and compare from year to year. Am I insane? I could probably do something significant and helpful if I weren't always in my mind.

I've had loads of counseling over the course of my life. Yet I am still a basket case. Will I ever actually be at peace and be able to enjoy life? I want that but don't know how to get to that place.

bigsombrero

I have struggled with this as well. I think many of us in recovery confuse "letting ourselves be happy" with "carelessness". Living as addicts & alcoholics, those two things became one, and now we can't tell the difference. For example, your vacation = fun. Therefore you're worried that you're being careless with your eating, etc.

I think that once we can start realizing that "FUN" and "CARELESSNESS" have separate definitions in a life of sober recovery, we can start to achieve that peace we are looking for...

Bruce292

I think seeking serenity is a wonderful goal for anyone and everyone. I think it is achievable. My mind was constantly full of negative chatter constantly reminding me of all the bad, inadequate, embarrassing, etc. things I've done over my life. I'd think of something I had said or done years before and would beat myself up over it. The thing that has helped me is practicing meditation (mindfulness). I realize it might not be for everyone but after almost a year of practice I can honestly say I've experience a glimpse of serenity. I think over time it'll be in my life more and more. Hang in there. Our minds are complicated places. Be well.

This is one of my favorite lyrics that I think is relevant:

- "The rising sun" by George Harrison

Every word you've uttered and every thought you've had
Is all inside your file the good and the bad

least

The biggest help I had in finding serenity was gratitude. Every day I made a conscious effort to be grateful for at least one thing. It made such a difference in my attitude.

Mags1

Hi 2bhappier

I could answer that statement differently every day. One moment all is well with my world the next it isn't .

Speaking to SR friends I realise time is what it takes . But when I am at peace, in the 'precious present' everything is great. Hopefully more of those times will happen and less of the ggggrrrrr days.

Bubovski

I used to keep all kinds to diaries, mood calculators etc.
I was very obsessed; something of a control freak.
By tuning into God (as I understand the concept) and taking things one day at a time, there has been definite improvement...

Joe Nerv

Yes. Serenity is definitely achievable. I think many people, especially addicts and alcoholics, run into trouble because they want constant serenity. Some people act as if they have it, peaceful, smiling and calm all the time (and maybe they do), but for me serenity comes and goes - as do all my feelings and emotions. There are periods I'm really content and serene, and periods where I feel the complete opposite. Sobriety, for me has meant learning how to deal with the not so pleasant feelings, and making changes in my life so I get to experience more and more of the pleasant ones, like serenity.

Addiction doesn't go away by simply putting down the drink or drug. The problem isn't in what we ingest, it's in us, and when you take our means of fixing things away they start coming out in other ways. Other addictions, other obsessions, anxiety, depression, etc. Most in recovery are in agreement that we need to do something, and usually something on a grand scale, if we want to be happy, content, and serene in our sobriety. For me that meant AA, the 12 steps, and lot of other direction from others. Others here use different tools. Taking care of our bodies is incredibly important, but we need to be healthy mentally, spirituall, and socially, too. If we want to have a really fullfilling life.

Are you involved in any program for recovery? If not, I'd suggest doing so. If you are, and you're new, then I'd suggest cutting yourself some slack, and practicing patience, and trust. It took me quite a while before I started feeling like a human again. Around 6 months. Took a year after that before I started functioning like one again, and even more time before I started really moving forward in my life.

aasharon90

Why Certainly

All I had to do was practice Acceptance
of people, places and things in life just as they
are suppose to be. When I stopped fighting it,
relax, then I was able to have fun and enjoy
peace and serenity in life and recovery.

I often remind myself.....Why waste a minute
of worrying. There isn't a thing I can do to
change the world. Tomorrow will come whether
I like it or not.

2bhappier

Thanks, all. I am going to AA when I am at home. There is another program I am going to try too and I come here. I wish I could just turn my mind off.

lisatrying

Can you try yoga? I have found that has helped me a little. Its quite hard to be in your head when you are standing on one leg in a funny pose trying not to wobble, and thinking about your breathing at the same time. A relaxed yoga place, not one where people take themselves too seriously

Anna

I think many of us addicts have that kind of obsessiveness. I have learned to 'let go', simply because I had to. I held on until I couldn't hold on anymore and then the choice was kind of made for me. A big reason for me starting to drinking, was my control-freak issues. As my kids reached their early teens, I began to lose whatever control I thought I had and it frazzled me. Drinking helped me to sleep and quiet my mind. Of course, that didn't last long...sigh. Anyways, when I stopped drinking, all of the illusions I had of my life had fallen away. I clearly was not the person I had thought I was. There was nothing to hold onto anymore, so letting go was the only option.

MythOfSisyphus

I think true serenity is a real challenge, regardless of whether you drink or have never touched the stuff. Many people chase the notion of serenity their whole lives and only catch glimpses of it.

Dee74

Like Anna, I've learned to let go - not everything is my responsibility and not every problem is mine to fix.

Not everything will happen when I want it to, either and I can't make people do what I want, even if I feel it's best for them

and..all I can do is my best. Thats a biggie.

Once I really got all that, I got a lot more serene.
You will too - promise

D